JUST prescribed Lithium - my life is falling apart

[Ilov3mylif3]

Hello everyone, you may have seen some of my posts in the "addiction" forum - turns out I'm suffering from some degree of Bipolar Disorder. I honestly dont even know why im writing here. I guess I want some opinions. My husband has suffered from some form of anxiety/depression without medical treatment and thinks that I should be able to "man up" and thinks I should not be taking the Lithium. He has seen me in one of my worst depressions ever over this last weekend, but I dont think he really knows what is going on in my head. I wanted to crash my car into a tree. I was actually mad that I AVOIDED a car accident due to natural reflex. I wanted to cut. but the knife I had on hand was a little one from a swiss pocket knife card and it didnt do much. I ripped my house key across my wrist just to feel something besides the depression. Let me follow all this by saying I am usually a happy person. Outgoing, ambitious, I love achievement, self-confident, and have everything in life a person could need. I have lower back and hypermobility issues that cause chronic pain and am prescribed Cymbalta and Oxycodone for this. There are many reasons for me to be "stressed" in life, but that has always been the norm for me. I have always ran "above average" and with a higher stress load than most. I have never been in one place (military) long enough to get a proper Dx from a dr let alone constant therapy. Well, now my back has started to get better thanks to the physical therapy, started cutting down on the oxycodone and thats when I started having these severe "episodes". Money is tight which is my #1 trigger. I trust that the Nurse Practitioner that prescribed the Lithium made an accurate diagnosis, but everyone else doubts it. The one friend I did tell about the bipolar stuff told me "well you must hide it really well then because you seem fine to me"
What do I do?
I dont want the Lithium to make me into a zombie, I dont want to feel like this anymore, I dont want to let my life fall apart (even though it FEELS like it is) and I feel like I should be committed to a psych hospital for a few days to be evaluated but I dont like hospitals. I dont want to be uncomfortable and feel like a bad mom because im not at home with my kids like I should be or at work making money that we so desperately need.

please, someone?

[frEbird04]

I have been on lithium for 5 years now and its never made me zombie like.It had always kept me on less of a  rollercoaster than a non stop freight train about to jump the tracks.Due to loss of insurance I had to go a lil more than a month without it, and have been tryin to get out of this black hole of depression! Last week i took a combination of pills ,,and just wanted to end this misery that is like a a constant reminder of how much of a failure i have become.But didnt take as much as i could of or wanted too, for fear of my childern hating me or worse following in my footsteps!!!!!!

[WishfulSpirit]

I can't speak for every mental health ward, but my stint there was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned a lot and, when I was released, I had a plan to get my life back on track. In fact, I sometimes remember my experiences there as a way to deal with anxiety.

[Bipolarlady]

Lithium is a great medication.  It's so weird you talk about hitting a tree with your car.  I fantasized about that for quite a long time.  I eventually stopped when my psychiatrist told me that I better hope I died because I would be in so much pain.  I didn't want pain, I wanted it to end.  Then I thought how badly I would hurt my family and friends.  I also just recently cut my arm pretty severely with a razor blade.  It was in my hand and I just wanted to see what it would feel like (I know, it makes no sense).  38 stitches later, I have the luxury of looking at my scars everyday for the rest of my life to remind me of the tramatic event.  Everyone else gets to see it too by the way.  It makes me sick.  

Over the years, I have come to realize that people who are not bipolar have no idea what you are going through. Even my psychiatrist. Its a lonely existance.  I have learned to speak up.  It's the only way for people to know sometimes.  I like to hide my bipolar as to not burden anyone.  Whether you have bipolar or not, stick with the meds.  You can take lithium if you are not bipolar and it works great to stabilize moods.  It sounds to me like you are going through withdrawl at the moment.  I have been there.  Maybe you cut your dosage down too quickly, I don't know.  I would recommend a psychiatrist or even a psychologist. Regular doctors are not specialized in mental illness.  A lot of times they will work on a sliding scale so you pay next to nothing.

I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is.  If you feel like you are going to harm yourself you should call 911 or go to your local hospital.  Do it before you do something stupid that you can never take back.  If you would like to just talk, message me.

[thatquietgirl]

Lithium never made me a zombie.  It was the one med that didn't.  Just be sure to drink water and you'll be fine.  Most people don't realize I'm bipolar until I tell them because I learned how to hide it really well due to stigmas and fear of what my parents would think, so it's possible you are and for people to think you were incorrectly diagnosed.  Bipolar disorder is getting thrown around a lot more easily these days, but if you really doubt it yourself, you can always get a second opinion from a psychiatrist.  If you feel you are going to kill yourself and feel you're getting to the point of being unable to stop yourself or are a danger to others (your kids, husband, stranger, doesn't matter), call 9-1-1 immediately.  You will be hospitalized, but if it keeps you safe so you can be there for your family in the future and your family and others safe, it's the best thing.

Regardless if this is bipolar disorder or just depression, you can't be expected to just "man up."  They wouldn't tell that to a diabetic or a person with hypertension.  Bipolar disorder and depression are chemical imbalances in your brain, not something you can control.  It's a physical illness that displays itself in an emotional way.

Take care!