Aa
I need help bad
My partner of 18 years was the most loving, stable, wonderful man there was. Literally over night he changed into someone no one knew. All his personality is opposite of who he was. He went on a huge spending spree, put me in debt over $260,000. , lost 2 businesses, destroyed everything we ever had, literally. He is mean ,verbally abusive and so terrible he has lost all the friends he ever had and has alienated most of his kids. I have taken him to over 7 doctors and they think this is only bi-polar. He was 40 when this happened (he is 43 now) None of them will listen to the whole story , they just write him a prescription. He has been on lithium, geodon, abilify, depacote and prozac and none of them have helped at all infact some have made him so violent I thought he was going to literally kill me before he was done. None of the doctors will giv him a CT or an MRI. I had been with him for 18 years and he had never shown any signs of bi-polar and if he was hiding this "evil side" it would have been almost impossible as we were togther 24/7. It is like over night an alien came and took him out of his body and replaced him with someone that none of us know. He cant even take care of himself now. He bathes now and then, more then, I have to buy his food, lives in squallor, wont work , depends on me or his kids to provide everything for him and when we cant or wont goes into tirades. He has no ups and downs as described in bi-polar, he stays aggitated and nasty all the time. He also dont make sense most of the time, lies about everything, will do things then deny them, It is impossible to hold a conversation with him, he cant do anything right , he breaks everything he touches. He was a very smart professional, help a masters degree for years in a very good trade and was considered one of the best in the surrounding ares. now no one will touch him. Does this behavior sound like bi-polar? I am sicking of going to Dr after Dr just to be petted on the head and told , bi-polar, next.....He has ruined all of our lives . we would all atleast like a real answer as to what happened.
I'm not a doctor and never met him, so I don't know if he's bipolar or not. I think something very serious is going on and it has to be addressed.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, I have a suggestion. It won't be easy, but it is better than doctor-hopping. When you speak with the receptionist for your next potential psychiatrist, tell them that you will need at least one full hour session and perhaps two. You will have to pay for this out of pocket and it won't be cheap. However, you don't seem to be having much luck with shorter sessions. I think a regular MD is not qualified to help him if any of this is related to a mental illness. Also, realize that these docs can be slow and frustrating, but each new one is also a new beginning where time gets wasted. Finally, I have actually interviewed a psychiatrist over the phone, free of charge, before even making an appointment. I understand your frustration, but a psychiatrist is likely to interpret the past behaviors, multiple doctors, etc. in a way that makes them believe these behaviors are exaggerated. I am not saying that's fair, but I'm telling you how they may see things. You don't want them focusing on the wrong things. They're human and they can get distracted. Along with a psychiatrist, he will also very likely need a separate therapist - preferably a psychologist. Meds alone can help, but he will need additional help, especially in the beginning. Especially if he is new to all this, he may have to make some adaptations and learn some things.
I would also recommend that you write out as detailed and OBJECTIVE an account as you can of the events that have caused concern since his troubles began. Encourage him to do the same thing. Keep things as factual as possible - and as brief as possible. Encourage him to relate his emotions along with any physical sensations, especially those that may be unusual. Document incidents that appeared to be related to medications. You will want to keep copies of these for yourself. Offer a copy of each account to his newest psychiatrist. They may not take it, but if they do and are willing to read it on the spot, that is a very good sign.
You didn't mention any family history of any kind of serious disease - mental or physical. That could be extremely important. Hopefully, he knows all about his parents, grandparents, and siblings. If not, you might have to step in and contact his relatives. This could be something bizarre or rare. It's better to know if some great-uncle someplace had some freaky disease that no one has ever talked about. Just a thought.
Lastly, and maybe this should have come first, I think a neurology consult is imperative. If you can get a regular appointment and speak to someone about the physical issues, you might be on the road to finding what is causing the destructive behaviors. Personally, I would be tempted to leave out any reference to bipolar or to minimize it. Normally, I am very square and honest, but it sounds like you have been brushed aside and this is too serious for that to keep happening. Money is a big concern and MRIs, etc. are not cheap, but something like that sounds in order. You may have to save up for it. For a long time. Medicine is a cash business in the US. I have yet to meet a doctor who refused to order a test I was willing to pay for. (We are uninsured. Everything is always cash). Is there any way he had an accident, hit his head and just doesn't remember?
It also sounds like you think you are out of options in your area, so you'll have to venture further afield. The good news is that after a trip or two you might have a diagnosis. Once you have a diagnosis, you will likely be presented with ways you can proceed. You may not be stuck seeing a far-away doctor on a regular basis.
How many therapy sessions did you have? Did they help at all? What are you doing to take care of yourself since you quit therapy? It may seem that all you do is complain but at some point you should at least gain some valuable insights. PTSD can be managed and you have to put yourself first. You sound extremely frustrated and even angry. I don't blame you, but it's likely that some more therapy would help you learn coping skills. If you feel like this all the time, you are suffering tremendously. Hope some of this helps.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, I have a suggestion. It won't be easy, but it is better than doctor-hopping. When you speak with the receptionist for your next potential psychiatrist, tell them that you will need at least one full hour session and perhaps two. You will have to pay for this out of pocket and it won't be cheap. However, you don't seem to be having much luck with shorter sessions. I think a regular MD is not qualified to help him if any of this is related to a mental illness. Also, realize that these docs can be slow and frustrating, but each new one is also a new beginning where time gets wasted. Finally, I have actually interviewed a psychiatrist over the phone, free of charge, before even making an appointment. I understand your frustration, but a psychiatrist is likely to interpret the past behaviors, multiple doctors, etc. in a way that makes them believe these behaviors are exaggerated. I am not saying that's fair, but I'm telling you how they may see things. You don't want them focusing on the wrong things. They're human and they can get distracted. Along with a psychiatrist, he will also very likely need a separate therapist - preferably a psychologist. Meds alone can help, but he will need additional help, especially in the beginning. Especially if he is new to all this, he may have to make some adaptations and learn some things.
I would also recommend that you write out as detailed and OBJECTIVE an account as you can of the events that have caused concern since his troubles began. Encourage him to do the same thing. Keep things as factual as possible - and as brief as possible. Encourage him to relate his emotions along with any physical sensations, especially those that may be unusual. Document incidents that appeared to be related to medications. You will want to keep copies of these for yourself. Offer a copy of each account to his newest psychiatrist. They may not take it, but if they do and are willing to read it on the spot, that is a very good sign.
You didn't mention any family history of any kind of serious disease - mental or physical. That could be extremely important. Hopefully, he knows all about his parents, grandparents, and siblings. If not, you might have to step in and contact his relatives. This could be something bizarre or rare. It's better to know if some great-uncle someplace had some freaky disease that no one has ever talked about. Just a thought.
Lastly, and maybe this should have come first, I think a neurology consult is imperative. If you can get a regular appointment and speak to someone about the physical issues, you might be on the road to finding what is causing the destructive behaviors. Personally, I would be tempted to leave out any reference to bipolar or to minimize it. Normally, I am very square and honest, but it sounds like you have been brushed aside and this is too serious for that to keep happening. Money is a big concern and MRIs, etc. are not cheap, but something like that sounds in order. You may have to save up for it. For a long time. Medicine is a cash business in the US. I have yet to meet a doctor who refused to order a test I was willing to pay for. (We are uninsured. Everything is always cash). Is there any way he had an accident, hit his head and just doesn't remember?
It also sounds like you think you are out of options in your area, so you'll have to venture further afield. The good news is that after a trip or two you might have a diagnosis. Once you have a diagnosis, you will likely be presented with ways you can proceed. You may not be stuck seeing a far-away doctor on a regular basis.
How many therapy sessions did you have? Did they help at all? What are you doing to take care of yourself since you quit therapy? It may seem that all you do is complain but at some point you should at least gain some valuable insights. PTSD can be managed and you have to put yourself first. You sound extremely frustrated and even angry. I don't blame you, but it's likely that some more therapy would help you learn coping skills. If you feel like this all the time, you are suffering tremendously. Hope some of this helps.
docs immediately go with prior diagnosis. the meds can kill him too. sounds like his condition is undiagnosed. has this change happened in last yr?
I'm sorry it took so long to respond but I am not on here often. The question was raised at a couple Dr's and he does not have a history of taking any drugs of any kind in the past. We have been through seven Dr's because I get pissed at then because they wont listen and all make light of what has and is happening.I cant find one that will shut up and hear what is really going on. Besides the medical Dr's , he has had 2 psychiatrists, (they both would only see him for fifteen minutes once a month to monitor and perscribe his meds.) three threapists, and last he was stuck with a nurse practioner passing out meds. The only meds he was on at the same time was lithium and abiliy. All the others were taken seperate and he was removed from them because of terrible side effects. Zoloft being the worst for violence and Geodon the absolute worst for speech, walking, making zero sense and drooling. There are only so many hospitals around here and we have tried Dr's out of them all. What kills me is when we go to a new Dr and they hear what has been going on they just give him the same label imediately.They wont listen to the whole story. Its frustrating! I have been to all his apointments with him as I usually have to drive him there and he couldn't tell a straight story if you made him and I want the Dr's to know the truth. I had to make him leave my house because I cant take it anymore. He is living in a relatives apartment with basically no heat,it averages 45 degrees( I gave him some firewood but I cant give him enough, I need it too) no money for oil which also means no hot water. He's a mess. His relative is kicking him out soon because he cant pay rent. I cant take him back here! my son has ran away to escape the madness and screaming.(from him) This was a patient, loving , caring father and he just turned into a evil creature. I recently found out that he hasnt been taking any of his meds.Yes, I counted them and I get his refills. He has been off them all for about a month. He told me the other day, which I didnt know, that his vision is still going. He had told me and the Dr a couple months back that his vision will all of a sudden look like a bunch of waves and he cant see. The Dr said it was the lithium....???? When he told me it was still happening I took him to the hospital. After getting his history they said to just go see his Dr in the morning. The Dr just said to wait and see if it gets better.It was probably still effects of the lithium....What if he has a tumor or had a stroke ...are they are going to wait until he's dead before they find out what is really wrong. I dont know what else to do to get any help! If it really is bi-polar then why didnt any of the meds even make a slight bit of difference? I just dont understand.
I did have a therapist.It didn't do much good as all you really do is complain..LOL..I need answers and she really couldnt give me any. She did diagnose me with PTSD...I have been through alot in the last few years. I just wish we could get an answer. I have done enough research over the last four years to get a degree in mental health and I couldn't find one case study of a bi-polar patient going eighteen years with no symptoms, no mood swings at all.(I am only saying eighteen yrs. as that is what I have been witness to, He swears and so does a relative that he never had any problems as a youth either) I can honestly say that, as we worked together , side by side, every day in our own businesses and we lived together. We never really fought or argued. We were happy! He even says to this day how bad he wishes it could be the way it was and he dont understand what has happened. But he dont understand anything anymore. Its like he died and I am left with the body I recognise but the man we all knew isnt in it.
Enough of the long winded...Thank you all for listening....
I did have a therapist.It didn't do much good as all you really do is complain..LOL..I need answers and she really couldnt give me any. She did diagnose me with PTSD...I have been through alot in the last few years. I just wish we could get an answer. I have done enough research over the last four years to get a degree in mental health and I couldn't find one case study of a bi-polar patient going eighteen years with no symptoms, no mood swings at all.(I am only saying eighteen yrs. as that is what I have been witness to, He swears and so does a relative that he never had any problems as a youth either) I can honestly say that, as we worked together , side by side, every day in our own businesses and we lived together. We never really fought or argued. We were happy! He even says to this day how bad he wishes it could be the way it was and he dont understand what has happened. But he dont understand anything anymore. Its like he died and I am left with the body I recognise but the man we all knew isnt in it.
Enough of the long winded...Thank you all for listening....
I have to admit that I find it odd that with no previous history he has been diagnosed as BP. The diagnosis is always reached with a full life history showing symptoms of BP that have probably been missed in the past. Were you present at your husband's appointments with these Drs - I only ask this because if you weren't then it could be that he's told them things that he has not told you.
Anyway, enough rambling - regardless of labels he definitely needs to be seen again by a good Dr. If you feel in danger from him then you need to make yourself safe (and any children).
Anyway, enough rambling - regardless of labels he definitely needs to be seen again by a good Dr. If you feel in danger from him then you need to make yourself safe (and any children).
okay upfront I am not really equipped to make a judgement here -there are behaviours there that are common to bipolar but also to many other illnesses and diseases as well and to be frank the lack of mood swings is odd and 40.. Very late for BP to happen like this - id be looking somewhere else.
Hes been on a pile of drugs, his doctors have not done an MRI (as a CT is not done on the head I don't see that as a first line test - its not going to do a thing to find BP or a brain tumour but then again as an MRI wont find BP or pretty much any mental illness its likely his doctors and insurer consider it a massively expensive waste of money at this point.)
Here's my question - Drink? Drugs?. Any history?
I only ask as what you have just described there is a quintiessential meth-amphetemine addiction progression down to the violence and personal habits - no I am not being offensive to you I am being honest because your story makes me rather worried about you and also because you need to be asking hard questions right now, hard ones and maybe uncomfortable ones - if they are wrong then fine bu ask them ok.
I think right now you need to be getting yourself some help and assistance - I wonder why 7 doctors have seen your husband and prescribed the same things and nothing is working, I wonder why he has persisted with 7 doctors and how in 3 years he has taken that cocktail long enough to know they do not work - some of the AP drugs take months to reach effectiveness and none of them should cause psychotic rages and anger on their own unless mixed with something else or there is something else wrong.
I think you need a therapist to talk to as well okay, this is tough and you must be in hell.
You have 2 choices. Keep going this way and hope it gets better. never works.
2. Get a medical team - you need a neurologist and a psychiatrist - your husband needs to be open and honest about ANYTHING which may have precipitated this and then you need to get him tested and MRI'd to make sure there are no physical issues and then a competent pdoc needs to sit down and work this with him.
This costs money in the US and I am not sure how that works but I do not believe 100% based on what you have said your husband is BP - an onset at 40 is very late and you say there are no classic symptoms of mood swings - his behviour sounds more like another nuerological issue or an external influence.
Im not sure, he needs real care - whatever we can help you with advice and support, just ask ok.
Hes been on a pile of drugs, his doctors have not done an MRI (as a CT is not done on the head I don't see that as a first line test - its not going to do a thing to find BP or a brain tumour but then again as an MRI wont find BP or pretty much any mental illness its likely his doctors and insurer consider it a massively expensive waste of money at this point.)
Here's my question - Drink? Drugs?. Any history?
I only ask as what you have just described there is a quintiessential meth-amphetemine addiction progression down to the violence and personal habits - no I am not being offensive to you I am being honest because your story makes me rather worried about you and also because you need to be asking hard questions right now, hard ones and maybe uncomfortable ones - if they are wrong then fine bu ask them ok.
I think right now you need to be getting yourself some help and assistance - I wonder why 7 doctors have seen your husband and prescribed the same things and nothing is working, I wonder why he has persisted with 7 doctors and how in 3 years he has taken that cocktail long enough to know they do not work - some of the AP drugs take months to reach effectiveness and none of them should cause psychotic rages and anger on their own unless mixed with something else or there is something else wrong.
I think you need a therapist to talk to as well okay, this is tough and you must be in hell.
You have 2 choices. Keep going this way and hope it gets better. never works.
2. Get a medical team - you need a neurologist and a psychiatrist - your husband needs to be open and honest about ANYTHING which may have precipitated this and then you need to get him tested and MRI'd to make sure there are no physical issues and then a competent pdoc needs to sit down and work this with him.
This costs money in the US and I am not sure how that works but I do not believe 100% based on what you have said your husband is BP - an onset at 40 is very late and you say there are no classic symptoms of mood swings - his behviour sounds more like another nuerological issue or an external influence.
Im not sure, he needs real care - whatever we can help you with advice and support, just ask ok.
Hello. In my opinion your husband sounds bipolar. He sounds like he is very manic and has been for a long time. It causes all sorts of stuff. Excessive spending, violent mood swings, shutting people out, saying innapropriate things. The list goes on and on. Is he willing to get help?? That's the most important thing. You said he has been on several medications including anti-psychotics. Here's the thing with treating bipolar. No two people are the same. What works for one can make the other sick. Finding a good psychiatrist is key. It takes a while (sometimes longer) to find the right meds. You have to have the right medications and the right dosages. It's not easy, but very possible. I am still recovering from a severe manic episode myself. My psychiatrist immediately put me on a high dose anti-psychotic and then adjusted my medications.
I hope your husband is willing to get help. It sounds like he is and that's great. It's huge. You HAVE to get a good psychiatrist. If you feel in danger of your husband at all, leave. If you feel he could hurt you he most definately can. He's not in his right mind. Eventually what comes up must come down. He's been this way for a long time so you havn't seen the down side yet. You can't stay manic forever. He's going to go way down. Get a psychiatrist who will monitor him at least weekly until they find the right meds. It will save his life.
Hang in there. I'm sorry you have been through so much. Sometimes bipolar seems like a selfish thing. It's not his fault. He is sick. Do everything you can to educate yourself on Bipolar. There are a lot of books out there that help you deal with your situation. You can ask any question here. No question is a bad one. Please keep us posted. You have come to the right place. There are people here with amazing advice and that are so supportive.
I hope your husband is willing to get help. It sounds like he is and that's great. It's huge. You HAVE to get a good psychiatrist. If you feel in danger of your husband at all, leave. If you feel he could hurt you he most definately can. He's not in his right mind. Eventually what comes up must come down. He's been this way for a long time so you havn't seen the down side yet. You can't stay manic forever. He's going to go way down. Get a psychiatrist who will monitor him at least weekly until they find the right meds. It will save his life.
Hang in there. I'm sorry you have been through so much. Sometimes bipolar seems like a selfish thing. It's not his fault. He is sick. Do everything you can to educate yourself on Bipolar. There are a lot of books out there that help you deal with your situation. You can ask any question here. No question is a bad one. Please keep us posted. You have come to the right place. There are people here with amazing advice and that are so supportive.
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