Need more advice please?

[JaiGuruDeva]

Ok so the past year almost going on two now, I can remember periods of deep depression. I can also remember after these periods of depression I would have brief periods of being overly confident and happy. I did go to see a psychiatrist who said that they believe i could be bipolar and gave me abilify. I didnt take the abilify, I chose to smoke marijuana to fight my depression because I feared the medications.

The past few days i have experienced being emotionless and having no wants i guess the most, but also sadness (but no where near as bad as my depressions earlier this year, even just last week actually), and anger. Last night I got really hyper and could not fall asleep monly got 3 hours of sleep and still woke up energetic ready to go to school and socialize alot. I was hyper for most of the day. Ive heard about manias and hypomanias, but I dont know if thats what it is. And I always get irritated for think that it is, because ive read about other peoples manias and I have not done some of those severe things that others have. Now im sitting here again and im not sleepy, but I should be going to bed because I have school. After only 3 hours of sleep last night I think that i should be exhausted. Oh i also have eaten very little food, but im not hungry. Right now I feel emotionless. Im scared of tomorrow because I dont know what kind of day its going to be. Since Im not super depressed I dont know if I need to go see my therapist because it could be nothing, and i dont want to waste anyones time, but all i can ever think of is my state of mind. I wonder if my depression is gone, but that would mean that smoking marijuana and listening to music is a cure for depression, which ive never heard that it is.

So Ive really just been dealing with fearing that I just want attention, but I dont think its that because i dont even talk to people about this. I also fear that knowing more about bipolar may be causing this. For example while i was really happy and hyper today i kept wondering if i was experiencing a mania. I dont know! I just feel like I could have a problem or it could just all be in my head because I now have a knowledge of the symptoms.

Does anyone think that I could have a problem, because I dont know. Any opinions or advice?

[ILADVOCATE]

I would certainly agree that you would need to see a psychiatrist. However, if you are diagnosed you may very well benefit from a dual recovery group for a person with a psychiatric disability and substance abuse issue. I can't say which is contributing to it in what ways and a psychiatrist would have to address that issue specifically but at the same time you might need some further support as regards any recovery regarding substance abuse but everything you are explaining sounds out of hand so it would be best to seek help as soon as you can.

[hell1971]

Stop taking recreational drugs as this can worsen an illness if you have one or could be the cause of your behaviour. My advise would be to go and see a doc as they are the only ones who can diagnose you. good luck