Aa
Questions...
hmm, I am not sure how to phrase this. I guess at the beginning. 8 yrs. ago I was told by a p-doc I was bi-polar.
He then started the cycle of different meds. An seeminly unending cycle. I had just undergone a horrid attempted
murder (long story). Then the 2nd p-doc said I was not bi-polar, just suffered from pstd. & continued the meds
though. I remained in her care for 5 years. She was awesome. Then I moved & got a new p-doc & just told her
I had been diagnosed B-polar, so she kept the med cocktail I was/am on, & I've had great assumtions with that.
ANYHOW, reading these posts I realize I don't know that much about b'polar & its different classificatiions. So,
basically I wonder IF I fit in where? I did/do suffer from depression, sometimes unending it seems. I have delusions
when on pain meds, but not any other times. I do/did have ups-downs badly, I shop more than I should, but
remain in control. I cry easily, I get angry easily, I gain weight easily (could that be the meds). I have/had seizures
until recently the neuro. said I was seizure free for a year. Then begins the Depakote withdrawl...I am basically
just confused. I see a new p-doc at the end of the month. We are switching due to doc's moving. I take an
incredible, I do mean incredible amt. of meds. This for that symptom etc. I wonder where I fit in this cycle?
Thanks for listening..
He then started the cycle of different meds. An seeminly unending cycle. I had just undergone a horrid attempted
murder (long story). Then the 2nd p-doc said I was not bi-polar, just suffered from pstd. & continued the meds
though. I remained in her care for 5 years. She was awesome. Then I moved & got a new p-doc & just told her
I had been diagnosed B-polar, so she kept the med cocktail I was/am on, & I've had great assumtions with that.
ANYHOW, reading these posts I realize I don't know that much about b'polar & its different classificatiions. So,
basically I wonder IF I fit in where? I did/do suffer from depression, sometimes unending it seems. I have delusions
when on pain meds, but not any other times. I do/did have ups-downs badly, I shop more than I should, but
remain in control. I cry easily, I get angry easily, I gain weight easily (could that be the meds). I have/had seizures
until recently the neuro. said I was seizure free for a year. Then begins the Depakote withdrawl...I am basically
just confused. I see a new p-doc at the end of the month. We are switching due to doc's moving. I take an
incredible, I do mean incredible amt. of meds. This for that symptom etc. I wonder where I fit in this cycle?
Thanks for listening..
Thank you for writing back.
I feel incredibly lonely. I have always felt as though I am on the outside looking in though.
I've done it so long it is the 'norm' for me. Judging what I say to whom. My Daughter who
is awesome often asks me if I've taken my Depression meds yet. Sad part is I have. I was happy at 1 part of my marriage, when he indulged the child in me.Though I knew it was a 'fake' thing. But, it felt good to be coddled for a change. He (ex) later slit my throat, only to in response to that time of brief happiness. He had his own personal demons to live with. Thank God for prisons. My being bipolar, or whether I am it or not comes from a deep well. I have many thoughts as to why me, but not many answers. I reach deep inside myself to see what I've done 'wrong'. Surely I have committed some wrong to feel like this? Sadness, lonliness, unexplainable need to shop, cry, talk quickly, day-dream, day terrors, nightmares, oh how I have night mares, confusion on waking, etc...I HATE this endless cycle of meds I am on. Where nothing works but the need to 'numb' the feelings...but, even that doesn't work anymore...suicide, no..but I fear deep in me that once I have finished my 'Motherly' duties I will be so lonely. So, I look forward to a reason to stay here, be it G'motherhood, etc. Just a need to be needed...I guess asking if I am wrong to FEEL this way? Or heck, just to FEEL anything would be great, or nice..
If you can't tell this is a 'down' time ' for me today. I'm not feeling well...
anyhow, again, thank you for listening!
I feel incredibly lonely. I have always felt as though I am on the outside looking in though.
I've done it so long it is the 'norm' for me. Judging what I say to whom. My Daughter who
is awesome often asks me if I've taken my Depression meds yet. Sad part is I have. I was happy at 1 part of my marriage, when he indulged the child in me.Though I knew it was a 'fake' thing. But, it felt good to be coddled for a change. He (ex) later slit my throat, only to in response to that time of brief happiness. He had his own personal demons to live with. Thank God for prisons. My being bipolar, or whether I am it or not comes from a deep well. I have many thoughts as to why me, but not many answers. I reach deep inside myself to see what I've done 'wrong'. Surely I have committed some wrong to feel like this? Sadness, lonliness, unexplainable need to shop, cry, talk quickly, day-dream, day terrors, nightmares, oh how I have night mares, confusion on waking, etc...I HATE this endless cycle of meds I am on. Where nothing works but the need to 'numb' the feelings...but, even that doesn't work anymore...suicide, no..but I fear deep in me that once I have finished my 'Motherly' duties I will be so lonely. So, I look forward to a reason to stay here, be it G'motherhood, etc. Just a need to be needed...I guess asking if I am wrong to FEEL this way? Or heck, just to FEEL anything would be great, or nice..
If you can't tell this is a 'down' time ' for me today. I'm not feeling well...
anyhow, again, thank you for listening!
For some people they are just clearly Bipolar and it is very easy to see, this is especially true if your ultradian bipolar.
The problem with bipolar is it is VERY similar to a lot of other disorders such as schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, dissociative identity disorder, cyclothymia and to some extent schizophreniforms.. this is not to say they are all the same collection of symptoms far from it. However they all share a lot of similarities.
They all share symptoms such as depressed moods and suicidal thoughts as well as loneliness and the feeling of being detached from the world and reality.
Bipolar can often be very hard to diagnose over cyclothymia because most doctors just see a spectrum and think in terms of when does high grade hypomania become low grade bipolar mania without looking at the bigger picture of things.
An indication of bipolar is sometimes only discovered due to the realisation you suffer psychotic symptoms. It is very hard to realise because its sub conscious and you dont realise.
You say you have delusions, everyone has delusions and anyone is welcome to challenge me on this. The diffrence is when the delusions are severe and are inbuilt and integral to who you are, consistant, complex and have existed for a long time this is when they can be a problem for you.
Talk to us some more my friend
The problem with bipolar is it is VERY similar to a lot of other disorders such as schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, dissociative identity disorder, cyclothymia and to some extent schizophreniforms.. this is not to say they are all the same collection of symptoms far from it. However they all share a lot of similarities.
They all share symptoms such as depressed moods and suicidal thoughts as well as loneliness and the feeling of being detached from the world and reality.
Bipolar can often be very hard to diagnose over cyclothymia because most doctors just see a spectrum and think in terms of when does high grade hypomania become low grade bipolar mania without looking at the bigger picture of things.
An indication of bipolar is sometimes only discovered due to the realisation you suffer psychotic symptoms. It is very hard to realise because its sub conscious and you dont realise.
You say you have delusions, everyone has delusions and anyone is welcome to challenge me on this. The diffrence is when the delusions are severe and are inbuilt and integral to who you are, consistant, complex and have existed for a long time this is when they can be a problem for you.
Talk to us some more my friend
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