The rapidness of your changing moods and feelings is very familiar to me. I’ve noticed that I can feel elated for a day or so then very soon after be caught up in a wave of irritibility and even rage. I am bipolar and they’re trying to help me with Seroquel. I’m up to 75 mg. and about to start 100 mg.
If you’re referring to rapid unstoppable thoughts then yes I most certainly have been tortured by this experience - often. I just never realized it’s a feature of the bipolar condition.
Unfortunately i know all too well what it means to have very rapid mood changes, for me most of the time i am very very depressed however when i do tend to have a major upswing i tend to go in very extremes and very quickly only lasting a few hours at times. But when they do hit according to my friends at least (which i seem to have fewer of) I will litereally go from being depressed and suicidal (my usual state) to being on top of the world, thinking im gods gift to women, flirty, outgoing and just wildly energetic. The bad side though is when this happens my bank account tends to end up a lot lighter from buying things on impulse to when i do come down i come down very very hard and end up with several cuts on my wrists. I havent as of yet managed to get any help with this but im supposed to be going on the 29th to see a psychologist which im both looking forward to and scared to death of at the same time.
Last time i admitted myself to the ER becuase i was feeling very suicidal they prescribed trazodone which was more like a toothpick holding together a dam, kinda helped me to get a lil sleep for a day or two then very quickly wore off and now im back to less than 3 hours a night on average, feeling tired as **** half the time and feeling even worse now than when i started
UPDATE:
Well, it's been a month since Austin was released from the hospital. And he is doing great!!!! He says he still has some depression & bad thoughts, but they arent real bad. His defiance & yelling is pretty much gone. It's like having a new kid !!!! The only thing I dont like is that his vyvanse is really reducing his appetite. I have to make him eat lunch (or he'll skip it too).
My 3 yr old has really started acting out more. I dont know if it's just the age, or if he misses all the yelling in the house. But he sure is dishing out what Austin use to do. I just hope with lots of timeouts & spankings, we can get Logan under control soon. I think he would act better if he was in daycare (with stricter rules & a schedule) .. but we cant afford daycare right now.
I'm sorry you have to go through this too. And dealing with it at such a young age has to be even worse. It always amazes me that other people, such as yourself, can deal with this illness. If you have done it all these years, maybe I can too. There is nothing wrong with you! Actualy, I admire you. You have to be a very strong person to deal with being bipolar. I still am having the rapid cycling, now even more often but less severe. It is hard to wake up one day feeling completely different than the day before. But I think I'm starting to get used to it and I know what to expect. Thanks for the support!
Hey I forgot, I have experiences with Rapid Cycling also. I can stay up for 36 hours straight and still not be tired but my parents have to force me to go to sleep. I can be really happy one day and depressed and wishing i wasn't alive anymore the next. I can be really ornery, and really happy. I always think that there is something wrong with me because I have severe mood swings.
Hey, I'm only 13 (almost 14) and I am taking Lamictal, Seroquel, and Strattera. It took me a while to get used to all of the medications (Lamictal in particular!) and I have been taking them for about 5 years now. I still hate taking them and I still think that something is wrong with me, but I take them anyway. Good luck! (and I know what you are going through!)
Well ... I guess I was wrong about Austin being Bipolar. But I'm not a doctor either.
He had a 9 day, 8 night hospital stay, and he finally got released today. He was discharged with these diagnoses... Conduct Disorder, ADHD, major depression, Psychosis. He's on Prozac 20mg & Vyvanse 50mg. He seems to be feeling much better, and was eager to get home & play with his cousin next door. He told me on the phone that things were going to be different & better now. And that he understood now why we sent him to stay at the hospital, and he's not mad at us about it. I'm SO glad he is feeling better inside !!! I just hope we can keep the defiance down to almost nothing from now on.
I hope the hospital stay will help your son out a lot. I'm sure it will. Having people to focus on simply helping him get better is the best thing you could do for him. Prayers and good wishes are being sent your way! Oh, and stay warm! I know I hate the cold.
I took Austin to Brentwood (hospital) Monday morning. He threw his rage tantrum Sunday night ... so I guess he got it out of his system. He was quiet on the way there (playing his gameboy). But after about 30 minutes of being there, he started acting silly. I guess he was having a manic mood swing. After he ate some lunch there, he started being really silly !!! Laughing at everything. Laughing so hard he couldn't hardly breathe. Of course, I laughed some at him too. It was really strange... but I'd rather hear him laughing than yelling at me !!!! He got a little moody/crabby about 30 minutes before I left, but he never threw a fit.
I was there from 10am to 2:15pm. That's how long it took to do the assessment & check him in. It was insane !!! It was freezing cold in there. Even the workers had on long sleeves or jackets. Austin's croc shoe strap broke Sunday, so I went to Kmart after I left Brentwood to buy him some new croc-like shoes.... and I bought a lightweight jacket. I took those back, then headed home around 3:45pm. I didnt get home until almost 5pm. It was a LONG day !!!! I was so ready to get to sleep last night.
I know exactly what you're going through!! I too rapid cycle many times a day and it's unnerving! All i can say is first be good to yourself. If you see a situation that will really upset you then try to avoid it. Like the lunch incident.You couldn't avoid it but I've got to the point where if I get that upset,I just make an excuse to leave and not put myself through it... if possible. if you don't feel well then try to give yourself space to handle how you're feeling.I also would avoid things like caffeine,that will aggravate your moods ect. When you feel this way EVERYTHING"S a problem, so try to not let things upset you knowing that if you felt better you might see it differently. Again, I have walked away or cancelled something or just didn't join a group ect. when I was feeling that way because I knew no matter what something would set me off and really you don't deserve to have to sit there digging your fingernails into your arm. Been there and wanted to jump out of my skin or rip something apart I was so irritated. So don't put yourself into these situations ,if possible,... until you feel better! You almost have to think ahead and be good to yourself! No one else is going through what you are and they have no idea. It's good your family is learning how things are. It takes time for people to have a true understanding. God, it takes us time to figure it all out!! Don't be so hard on yourself,it's not easy! Good Luck! The meds will help once you find a good mix!
Thanks for praying for us !!!! Austin is on probation (has about 10 mths left), and has weekly court ordered Anger Management counseling (but its not helping). He sees another counselor too (through his pdocs office)... about once a week. She's starting a group therapy this coming Tuesday. Maybe he'll be able to listen to other kids his age that might be going through similar things.
Besides all that, there's no other counseling. I probably need to find some sort of support group for me to attend. But I dont know if I have time. Maybe this summer I can go to some meetings, while my mother-in-law babysits (she just retired). I'd love to try some sort of "chill pill" ... but we cant afford any meds for me. Austin has Medicaid ... so we dont have to pay for his meds.
We're constantly getting onto our 3 yr old for copying Austin's behaviors. He yells at us, talks back, and stomps around when he doesnt get his way. It's exhausting dealing with both of them !!!!!
Marsha_ann, I have you and Austin in my prayers. I can't imagine going through he is at such a young age. Are you getting help also or talking to a counselor? I'm sure this is putting a huge strain on you as well. I hope you are able to find the right kind of treatment to get his life back on track. He is lucky to have your shoulder to cry on. One thing that kind of freaked me out in your post was the description of what he saw in the mirror. I don't actually see things, but I have visions that suddenly enter my mind that I can't get out. One I have had lately is of an old lady with gray skin staring at me with a big golden yellow eye. No wings or clouds or horns though.
Meldawn 143, I'm glad you found something that is working for you. I hope it helps me too, but at this point it doesn't look likely. There is bound to be something out there that helps, though.
Karli79, I'm glad you found this forum. I hope it gives you as much support as it has given me lately. This medicine roller coaster is rough! My husband says doctors are like those mechanics who just change out parts until something works. They just change out medicines until we get lucky. I hope that happens soon.
I don't know if the lamictal is going to work, and it might even be making things worse. I went to the doc a couple of days ago and he started me on abilify in addition to the lamictal. He says the illness seems to be progressing. I have been having scary thoughts that seem to be forced into my mind lately, and the doc said they are kind of borderline psychotic. He hopes the abilify will help help my moods and keep me from having true psychosis. I have had a rough couple of weeks. I was doing fine for a few days and then went on a fast downward spiral. I wanted to jump out of my skin and just stop feeling. I felt so overwhelmed that I destroyed about $6000 worth of equiptment I bought to use to start my own business. I am still paying on that stuff. Worst of all I kept having really awful thoughts I couldn't get out of my head. Everything I saw looked gruesome in my mind, which is wierd because I can't even watch a scary movie and now there was one running through my mind constantly. That is what sucks about the mixed state episodes, I am depressed and therefore have bad racing thoughts instead of productive ones. My family wanted to take me to a hospital, and the doc said if I get any worse he thought it would be necessary. But, I am starting to feel a little better. I still don't want to leave my house, but the disturbing thoughts have mostly stopped. This is all very difficult for me to accept. As much as it breaks my heart to know that others are suffering like me, it also helps to know that other people understand what this is like.
I know just how you feel, and I feel my therapist and psychiatrist are just there to get paid. But I will tell you that Im on lamictal and it has helped me tremendaously. Im on 200 mg. now. It does take a little while, but for the first time I could actually sort out my thoughts more, think clearler, and feel less of bouncing back and forth with my crazy moods. I hope you do well.I would love to hear how you do with the lamictal.
Melanie
I'm totally new 2 the cocept of "forums" & support 4 being bipolar. I'm so glad 2 read about other people goin' through the same thing as me.I was semi-diagnosed manic depressine 10 yrs. ago (I'm 38) now that I'm educating myself on this illness...I no that Ive always been bipolar.I was super sensetive, moody, passionate, aggressive & hypersexual, even as a small child.I definatly have rapid cycling & mixed episodes.After being on Abilify & triliptal 4 like 6 months, I took myself off my meds. I felt totally flat & lifeless on meds. (overmedicated...I dont no) That was a huge mistake! I've never been as manic, impulsive, & aggressive as I have since I've been off my meds. Im back on meds. the same mg. as I took be4, but it doesn't seem 2 be nearly as effective as it was be4. Even though I was flat be4 on meds.... I definatley was not having mania & was way more in control of myself. Not sure what's gonna happen from here. Got an app. with my doc. soon. I feel like my meds. should be upped. I'll just have 2 wait & c.-Karli
Austin had a huge fit after getting in trouble yesterday afternoon. I could hear him yelling & throwing a tantrum in his room. I took Logan outside so he wouldnt have to listen to it.
Later, Austin came outside crying & cried on my shoulder. A little while later, he told me that he saw something in the mirror while he was yelling & upset. He said it was him, but it wasnt him. He was pretty freaked out.
I really dont know if he saw it or not. He might've just wanted attention. I told him to draw it & write a description (so I could show dr's). Here's what he wrote:
'gray skin, hair was neater, no blimishes, and horns; A dark ominous cloud with twinkling lights floating around it; Solid black wings, and gold/yellow cat eyes'
He wanted his mirror removed from his room, but he uses it to put in his contacts. I told him just to turn it around until he needs to use it.
Things arent getting better. He had a major explosion with my husband last night. They yelled & screamed at each other for over an hour. Austin refuses to follow our house rules. My husband was ready to call the Sheriff's office !!! Austin's on probation ... so if he gets much worse, he will have to get sent away for 18mths. I dont really want that, but we cant live in this chaos much longer. I want him to finish school, and then I'm taking him to stay a week or two at a hospital (so they can observe him 24/7). I'm hoping to get him on the right meds soon, so next school year will be better.
Great news! I am glad they gave your son a chance. I hope things keep getting better for your family. I know you have been through so much lately. Hang in there.
Well, all the meetings are over for now. Austin was given permission to finish out the school year at the alternative school. So if he keeps up with his work & doesnt get in trouble there, he will pass. His grades arent very good right now since he had 7 days of zeros, but I think he can pull them up some in the next 2 weeks.
Well, today is the day for the IEP meeting. I'm nervous, but glad that it's finally here. My mother, and a lawyer lady, are coming with me. My mom said she's coming to keep me calm. LOL !!! I can get pretty fired up when I'm mad. But I'm going to try to keep my cool, so I dont make Austin's situation any worse.
The Expulsion Hearing is Monday. I'll really be nervous for that one !!! The lawyer cannot come with me that day (she had something else planned already). But my mother is going with me. Austin has to be there ... so we've got to try & keep his mouth shut during the hearing. I wonder if they would allow duct tape on his mouth? LOL !!!
Pray pray pray for us over the next 4 days !!!!!!!!!!!!
Found out that the Expulsion Hearing is next Monday. They are making us wait a whole week. I'm not happy !!!! The principal told me to make Austin do all his homework this week, and he would gather up all the classwork for us. They better give him credit for all this work too !!! I dont want him to fail the 7th grade because the school board wouldnt hurry up.
I've had Austin doing some yard work Friday, Monday, & today. And it will continue all week long. He has been talking back constantly, yelling, and being very defiant !!!! And my 3 yr old is copying these behaviors. I'm ready to scream !!!!!!!!!
Well, I guess I spoke too soon. I got a call from the school today, and Austin is being expelled. I have to wait to hear from the school board next week about an expulsion hearing. Hopefully they will chose to send him to the alternative school for the rest of the month, so he can keep up with school work (so he wont fail & have to repeat the 7th grade).
Now I have to deal with him at home for a few days (instead of him being in school). I told him that he gets to rake leaves tomorrow... but he's refusing. I guess we'll have another fight tomorrow about all that.
And to top it off ... every time Austin acts up (& disrespectful & yells), Logan copies the behaviors. So, my 3 yr old will be a holy terror the next few days too.
I feel like pulling my hair out !!!!!!!!
I had a friend who was rapid cycling and man is that tough. He was on Lithium and that really helped but he failed to take his other meds and ended up drinking away his cycles. Definately not smart!
Have you thought about a second opinion? Rapid cycling has very specific symptoms and it really needs to be controlled. I wish you the best. The support is here for you.
Erin
It is great that your son has a mom like you who understands him and helps him with his illness. I hope things continue to go uphill for him. It is so cool that you can see the medication working positively in his grades! Maybe he is feeling better but still not quite "normal." That is how I am feeling right now. I have not had any major mood swings in 3 days, (yeah!) but I still don't feel like I used to before all of this began. I am not the same happy person I was a year ago. Good luck!