Redirecting Negative Energy: Reasons to Live?

[ILADVOCATE]

I do notice people sometimes experience suicidal ideations (can't say I am immune) and of course at that time the best thing to do is speak to your psychiatrist immediately. But if they just disrupt your moods or train of thought from time to time and not your whole life besides speaking to your psychiatrist I've found for myself one excellent way to redirect is to post one reason you want to live and why life is worth living, family, friends, goals, etc. and then keep going from there. Since its common to experience this, I'd be interested if people could just post one positive reason they want to live and why life is worth living even if they sometimes feel otherwise. Think about it.

[LetaB]

I'm sorry I sounded so abrupt. Rereading what I wrote to you I can see where you'd get that impression. No, REALLY, was there a defining miracle that made you suddenly want to go from wanting to leave to wanting to stay?
  You seem a very thoughtful and well meaning person and that is my opinion of you. I'm just so terribly unhappy it's hard for me to be friendly to people - I'm in my own ugly place. Please forgive my hasty words. I really do appreciate your taking the time out to try and reason with me - really.

[bernie40]

Is suicide about self-hate and/or vengence?  I don't remember feeling either of those things, I just remember feeling so lost, so empty and a burden on all around me - is that self-hate?  I suppose it is in a sense.  I honestly believed that I would be making my parents lives better if I wasn't there - how odd when I look back, at how back to front my thought processes were at the time.  

Leta I don't see all of this - this forum - as "work".  I come here to receive support as much as to give it.  It gives me a sense of "normality" to know that others experience the weirdness of BP in the same way as I do.  I love seeing other people's take on situations etc, seeing all of us pull together at times and at other times almost "debating".  It keeps me mentally stimulated.

Leta you do yourself down so often and you shouldn't - because you do give excellent advice and offer much needed support.  I see us all as equal on here.  You are also a fantastic caring and insightful person!

I also come here for the contact with other people.  I don't tend to go out much and some days the only people I "speak" to outside of my immediate family, are the people on here.

Sorry, gone off topic a bit here....

[freebird227]

    My sponsor told me once that everyone is entiled to his or her's own experience of life,and choosing Not to be here is a viable opion.
My friend I only wish peace to you, I've seen it in your life since I've been on site.At this moment you seem to resent what I said, I'm OK with that. Reguardless I still care.

[ILADVOCATE]

  There's nothing wrong with self expression and its normal to experience feelings of negativity. That said it makes sense to appreciate what we can. I don't think a person should force themself to tell people that they are enjoying life when they are not. I went through that in my teenage years before medication. I didn't tell people what was going on and I gave up because they said "don't worry, be happy" and other nonsense when I was blatantly unhappy with myself and the world. And medication is there as treatment. Its not there to make your life happy when it isn't for real reasons of emotional conflict and it won't. Mother's Day may make some people happy and it will make others feel unappreciated. That has nothing to do with any form of mental illness.
  People are human. We are entitled to our opinions. But suicidal ideations are always of concern. I wasn't posting to say that anyone was experiencing them but to find some coping solutions when we do. I myself try to do something practical and constructive to make my life worthwhile when there were times I felt otherwise. And if society undervalues me I want to challenge their ideology and prove them wrong. We all have our own approach to life.

[LetaB]

  I said I slit my wrists in anger - I didn't say it wasn't stupid. Of course it was. That's why I never did that sort of thing again. I love the way you express it though as taking out the pain inflicted on us onto ourselves. I hadn't thought of it that way. That's what cutting and vengence inspired "suicide" attempts are. One is self hate and the other wants to shock.

  What miracle would that be, freebird? What was your own? It is not fair to assume that because I am bipolar I have no "real" circumstances that make it sensible for me to want to retire. That may have been YOUR situation but not mine. Do you know I made my pdoc teary eyed in a session telling him what has happened to me? Why do you think we are all predisposed to want to go on? It's biological - animalistic even. Purely instinctual to want to self preserve. Now, it is truly tragic when young, distraught people take their own lives - what was in their cards? They weren't psychic. But what about the terminally ill? And those in chronic pain? What are we all so frightened of anyway? You don't leave a "legacy" of death when you die - by what ever means. You leave the legacy of how you carried out your life. Is it utterly inconceivable that some of us are not, in fact, living? Are not equipped to do so? Are, sadly beyond "miracles"?
  I really think it is amazing how much time and thought y'all put into your answers here, trying so hard to assist, teach, intervene, and support. You deserve medals for this work. I don't always see eye to eye with all of you (and you know who you are) but I can see that you have the best intentions - usually - and are trying hard to understand (mostly). I want to have a day like Mother's Day for the unpaid, unsung counselors on this forum who have caused people to pick up a phone, take their meds, take stock, reconoitre . My, I DO go on sometimes. Thanks for so much thought and work. I've drunk it in.

[freebird227]

Empowerment is a beautiful way to live.For me it began once I got the drugs out of my system 1985. Soon after I got clean I started having daytime delusions,extream mood swings and sucidial thoughts, So I went into therapy without any meds and started unravling my childhood trama of sexual abuse.Long story short..Suffered in silence for the next 7 years By 1992 I built up a very sucessful hair salon, pulled permits and  had my own house built, all while not being treated with meds.A BI- POLAR GIFT.
Eight years ago I was the one flying over the coo coo nest.What frightened me the most was...I couldn't get back. Full blown paranoid mania,took two weeks to stablize Many meds and combo of meds, open my eyes in the morning    the first thought was death.Somewhere deep inside I knew it was my illness even though my brain was screaming somethig different.
So through all the twist and turns my illness has taken me What has saved me has been working with other women in Recovery from drug addiction, childhood abuse,BP support.

And did I happen to mention My Gina.I could never leave her and my three beautiful grandchildren. Thats not the legacy I choose to leave behind. I have lost a lot on a material level the last 8 years( mainly my business). But I still have everthing that matters.
We have recently changed my meds. and I feel as good if not better than when I first went on Lithium * years ago.
So letaB don't give up before your miracle. Much love to you both....Debra