I have been diagnosed with panic disorder, anxiety disorder and OCD. I am also wondering if I might be Bipolar as well, although I don't know that I really fit the criteria. I am currently battling a whole lot of symptoms that feel neurological in nature, as well as dealing with many psychiatric issues. I don't know where one begins and the other ends, but I feel like I am crazy!
17 years ago I wound up in the ER due to severe pain from a pelvic infection I developed after the birth of my daughter. (not sure it matters, but I had Toxemia with that pregnancy) They gave me an intramuscular shot for pain which I believe was Demerol. Right after that shot I began to "tweek" out. I couldn't sit still, had to get up and pace the floor, I developed off the charts anxiety and panic to the point of becoming suicidal. My mind raced and my adrenaline was so high I could almost literally bounce off the walls. I went home and paced the floor for hours and hours and hours. None of my symptoms faded for over 2 weeks. Doctor's had no idea what happened to me and therefore did nothing to help. I then developed severe muscle weakness and intense aching that traveled around my body. One moment it would be in my lower legs, the next it would travel to my chest, arms or the back of my neck. If it landed in my chest I would struggle to breathe. If it landed in my arms I would feel too weak to open a jar up, or if it landed in my legs I would struggle walking. I slowly got a little better, as in I could get out of bed and didn't think of death every 3 seconds, but I never fully recovered. From that point on I have had extreme anxiety and adrenaline, my OCD (which I had since childhood) kicked into high gear and when I am under more stress than usual or am very tired I get these "break-downs" all over again. The same body aches that travel, the same weakness, same anxiety. This has been going on now for almost 18 years. My symptoms at first slowly progressed over the years to the following:
Sound sensitivity-extreme when tired
Ears will ache so badly that my eyes squeeze shut-I read that the ears are tied in with the nervous system
Severe panic attacks while sleeping
Electrical zaps in my body and brain
Pressure in my head
My jaw developed spasms during the night
The ache that traveled now sits in my arms and legs constantly and is worse upon waking in the morning
Everything that would be a slight annoyance for someone else was huge deal to me
Only time I ever felt happy was when I was shopping
Developed speech difficulty-sometimes I slur and have trouble thinking of the right words to use and often make up a word. For example, my daughter spilled something on the carpet and I gave her a scrubber and tried to tell her to scrub the spot, but instead I said to *scritch* the spot. I also cannot get my mouth to move properly to form words and end up biting my tongue or cheeks. I am easily flustered and avoid social situations because I am not capable of carrying on conversations anymore.
Fast forward to June '09
I became pregnant again which was a huge shock because I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian disease) and was infertile for years and years. Around week 4 of my pregnancy I awoke in the middle of the night to a very strange and awful sensation in my head. It made me become disoriented, dizzy, feeling as though I were going to faint, my mind raced, the severe ache returned along with a whole new list of symptoms. I was used to waking up in the middle of the night with weird sensations, but usually they would pass quickly. This time they didn't. It stayed, progressed, and for a month I felt the following non-stop:
All of my senses changed.
My face tingled and became partially numb.
My sense of touch changed and feeling changed. I could feel cold and hot water and not be sure which was which.
I couldn't tolerate smells and they made me literally freak out and scream.
I felt like I was on drugs. My head felt huge and balloon-like and I was exhausted.
I developed a squeezing, cold sensation that came over me in contraction-like form and traveled down my spine.
I developed chills
The adrenaline was severe and non-stopping
I was in a constant severe panic 24-7 that would not lessen
I could close my eyes and immediately feel like I was somewhere between being awake and in a dream state. It was like dreaming while awake.
I felt out of touch with reality
If I touched my arm, I wasn't sure I was even touching myself (still feel this)
I basically walked around feeling like a crazy drug addict. What they look like on the outside is what I felt on the inside. I went to ER after ER begging for help and got nowhere. My doctor ordered an MRI and EEG, both which came back normal. He told me it has to be a psychiatric problem and sent me off to see a Psychiatrist, but the Psychiatrist feels like something Neurological is going on and won't treat me until I have been cleared medically by a Neurologist. But I can't see the Neurologist until 2 days befor Xmas.
As I stated, I was like that for a month before I finally started to feel a little better. Though I ended up losing the baby in August which I am sure was from stress and medictions I was forced to take.
I am not as sick as I was then, but I keep going through very bad down times. Out of the blue I develop that squeezing spinal pressure which is now in my head, neck and chest and happens through the entire night. The ache is still severe and over my entire body. My head is full of intense pressure which seems to bring on these muscle/squeezing contractions. Any pill I take contributes to the problem. Which reminds me; I have to very careful over medications I am given or take over the counter. I have bad reactions to many of them now. I can't even take Nyquil.
My mind will suddenly begin racing out of the blue. If I close my eyes images I see move in fast motion, like fast forwarding a video. Voices sound like chipmunks and people move with lightning fast speed. I have also recently developed a new symptom where my body feels like it is vibrating and humming. It will stop for a brief second, cause a contraction through my neck, body or head and resume the humming. This will happen hundreds of times a night. It seems most of my symptoms occur during the night or is most severe then. I feel so out of control, sick and insane that I spend most of my time suicidal. I don't know what to do or where to turn for answers or help. I know I am not imagining any of this! Before that pain shot, I had mild OCD. I didn't suffer from any delusions, panic attacks or any other mental health issue. No medical problems either. That one shot changed my entire life. I don't know if it caused a mental issue, neurological issue, or possibly caused a toxicity in my body, but I am trying to find that out. Does anyone have any idea of what could of happened to me? Could I also be Bipolar? Does any of this sound neurological or am I just nuts???
Sorry this is entirely too long, but I am deperate for help. I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life where one path will either lead me to wellness or the other to my death.