What Is Your Background?

[HoneyNut]

I am just wondering if people have anything that stands out in their mind that might have affected them developmentally that could be attributed to "becoming" bipolar.  Please do not tell me about genetics and this being a family condition... I understand that; however, I also feel that certain things (environmentally) in my life aided in the development of me being bipolar.  Maybe this is just me... I am also adopted so I have no biological family to base anything off either.

I am also curious if anyone struggles with their speech, and forming coherent sentences.  This may sound like word salad, but I have been told it is not from my psychiatrist, and instead it is just because of my bipolar... and that my mind is just easily jumbled.  I often feel dumb, and probably sound dumb to others... but in high school I was able to pull mostly straight As, and was able to graduate college within four years, even when I changed my major three times, and was struggling with medications; so I know I'm not dumb per se, but it certainly does not come across that way to others most of the time.

I am just hoping there are people who can relate, or have stories to tell (because I have a full closet of stories that I feel helped contributed to my bipolar, but I'm not looking for pity, or to create an excuse)...

[bernie40]

I'm not surprised you feel so confused then.  Your child psych was correct in what he was saying because although changing your environment won't remove your BP it does help manage it to some degree.  Leaving you unmedicated was wrong though.  Still, I believe that we need to focus on the present.  I know stuff that happened in my past, I'm lucky that I've dealt with it and moved past it.  I concentrate only on the here and now.  

Medication, healthy diet, exercise (no I don't follow the last 2 ) routine and therapy.  Medication alone is not always enough especially in the early stages of acceptance.

You'll get plenty of advice on here.  Good luck.

[HoneyNut]

I think I also believe what I do, is because my childhood psychiatrist and therapist reassured me I should be fine without medication, when I went away to college.  They said getting out of the house, away from my mother, and the change of environment would be more beneficial than harmful... so I went without meds for two and a half years, until I realized I needed to reach out for help.

[HoneyNut]

It's okay, I appreciate your responses and apology, no offense was taken, but the clarification helped.  I am in a pretty deep funk right now, so I apologize as well.  I will look into "The Kindling Effect", and let you know what I think... it sounds like it will be a good read.

[Twelvesgirl]

I'm sorry, my meds arent working yet, thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it.....
:(

[Twelvesgirl]

Please don't feel bad, I know you will though. BP is chemical, we can google and maybe one doc in a million will say its not. It is a chemical issue and that is WHY we have to take medication for it, that is why my doctor tells me I have to take meds. I have knowingly left mine untreated for 6 years because I was in major denial and this most recent episode has been my worst. It even threw in a little paranoia which I've never had, I wouldn't go in my own basement, imagine explaining that to your 4 year old kids as their adult mother. I grew up in a home w/ both of my parents, 2 siblings, they taught me how to love, I had a great childhood, lived in a good neighborhood, etc. I had nightmares when I was little, I was scared all of the time, I started drinking at age 10, pot age 12. I would have overnights at my bestfriends house 2 doors down, whose parents "didn't know" we were drinking their liquor and smoking their pot. My parents never thought their little girl would do that because we weren't that family. I was different, why because my stupid brain made me that was. Depression finally  recognized age 14. BP not recognized until age 23. I had a good life but my brain wouldn't let me live it. I fully believe that it is chemical, and episodes are triggered by traumatic events, which are the envrionmental factors. I don't know if I've ever told you that before, but I just wanted you to know that I agree w/ you, and I wish I had something else to blame it on, I wish I could work it out in therapy, I want to get rid of, I hate it and I'm pissed off that I've had to live with this stupid thing in my head when my  environment wasn't bad to me. If it is the environment, the what the HELL is wrong w/ me??????????????????????????????

[bernie40]

Oh grief, just realised that last post probably sounded really abrupt! I think it's obvious that I feel quite strongly about the subject, lol.  

It really is worth looking up "The Kindling Effect" though, I think you'd find it very interesting.  In a nutshell it talks about how bad management of or the wrong meds or no treatment has a kindling effect on BP and the BP symptoms get worse with each "episode" or each "trauma".  I used to have one of the pages bookmarked but recently sorted through them all and no longer have it otherwise I'd post a link for you.

I think the kindling effect probably fits in with what you are trying to say about environmental factors but doesn't detract from the scientific fact that BP is chemical.

Ok, so hopefully I haven't offended you honeynut, I was tired and grumpy and therefore should have waited before responding on the previous post - we're all human :-s