What has the world come to

[cheeklollipop]

Hi everyone hope everyone is ok.

Right to start with I really dont know what is wrong with me. When im depressed I hate this disorder. I feel so sorry for myself, i dont want to work. I dont want to get out of bed I have lost the will to live.I have no good reason to be alive and i pray that i will never wake up or wish to wake up normal.When im manic i hate that too my head is so overloaded i wish someone would put a gun to my head and release the pressure. The thoughts and idea just dont stop. I get very nasty and dont have feels for anyone either myself. I always snap at the people who love me, and am prepare to just throw my life away by taking drugs and sleeping with women. oh god and the spending, i spend lots even we im not manic.
so can someone pls tell WHY when im feeling normal which is right now very normal never been so normal, and im craving to be a little manic for more excitment my life just feels soooo boring going to work, cleaning, going to the gym, I really want something exciting to happen. I feel like my wild days have gone. I feel old and boring... I am active i go to the gym 4 times a walk, walk my dog everyday i also met up with friends through the week.
Anyone got any ideas why i feel like this ?

[Jikan]

I don't ever see myself as being normal. I'm always slightly below baseline, so for me depression is a common thing.  I know about wanting to get back to those highs because they fill me with so much energy I feel great despite the negative effects(i.e. spending, other addictions, etc.). I suggest you do as much research as possible on your own so you can talk to your doctor intelligently about how you are feeling and what you might going through. I also often have suicidal ideations about not wanting to wake or wake up normal. If you feel suicidal get immediate help, but realize have most of us have those feeling. By the way, using illicit drugs and alcohol can really exacerbate your condition, so try to stay away from them, even though that may be difficult.  Follow-up with your doctor soon and express your concerns entirely and truthfully.  Although not curable, bipolar disorder can be stabilized.  Good Luck!

[bernie40]

I too feel like you when I am having a rare "normal" day or two.  I am not yet stable on meds yet though so I am hanging in there and telling myself off for moaning - LOL!  I agree with triedeverymed, perhaps you should speak to your doc about your medication, I was originally on depakote and citalopram and found out that citalopram is not good for bp??!!  Obviously I am not a doctor and it does seem to depend on who you see, they all have different ideas.

I think it is quite common to miss your "highs", my pdoc just smiled knowingly when I told her I did but whatever you do don't come off your medication without medical support and advice.

All the best

Helen

[cheeklollipop]

i have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and take 800mg of lithuim, 60mg of citropam for the last 4 years maybe i should change them x x x

[Nikki2226]

I know what you mean about feeling strange about feeling normal.  I feel guilty about it!  I'm so used to having racing thoughts or feeling super depressed that normal just feels empty.  I hate feeling manic and hate feeling depressed even more.  But normal doesn't feel right either.  I just try to get stuff done when I'm feeling normal, and it helps me do better.  

[triedeverymed]

Have you been diagnosed with Bipolar? If so do you take any medications for it? The reason I ask is untreated Bipolar can just ruin your life (been there) but with the right meds, those feelings you describe can be extremely minimized. If you are on meds and still have these feelings, it may signal a change in the medication (s) you are on.
Have a word with your doctor.
Hope you feel better soon!!