What is this?

[MeganVar]

Hello all,

I have a question about what I am experiencing.

I recently had a baby and am going through a bi polar episode. From what I have read, postpartum episodes feel a lot like mixed episodes. Lots of agitation, also depression, scared to be alone or go anywhere alone.

However my most concerning symptom is that I may be hallucinating, although I do not actually see anyone or hear anything when I am at home it feels like an uncomfortable presence is around me. Almost like I am thinking obsessively about hallucinating so I am believing that I am.. If that makes sense.

Anyways it very distressing to me and causes a lot of anxiety. I vaguely remember this happening at an earlier time in my life but not this bad.

Does anyone know if medication can cause this? Currently I am taking Latuda and Lamictal even though I believe it started before I started these meds but after I started taking Zoloft my Ob prescribed that made me nuts.

Also how long will this last? I promise I was " normal" before this for years and I am scared I am going to be like this forever:(

Please help

[MeganVar]

Wow this is so good thank you so much. I know this is probably just part of what I am going through but it's easier to blame it on the meds ya know??

I guess the reason it is so distressing for me is because before everything seemed pretty normal.. Well as normal as can be with 4 kids.. But very functional. Right now it is difficult for me to function well because of this.

Thanks again!

[persephonedemeter]

I don't know if your medication is causing it, but I can tell from your previouis post and  this on that you are having a terrible time. I will try to be brief since I am a little preoccupied at this time, so forgive me if I sound brusque.

It usually doesn't last. At least for me. it was a big feature of my psychosis which happened during the depressed cycle of my bipolar disorder. It wasn't due to my medication, but I have never been on latuda, so I really don"t know, but I have had psychotic episodes as a med reaction, with different meds on different occasions. Removing the med relieved the psychosis, high anxiety and adrenalin rushes.  From the reaction of my psychiatrist and even a bipolar expert that I saw, the feeling of a presence did not sound unusual to them. I described it as you described it. A presence that never left me, and I never felt alone.

When it was due to the psychosis associated with depression, the feeling of a presence did not cause me anxiety like it does for you. I did have visual and auditory hallucinations, and normally, I did not know the visual hallucinations and sometimes the auditory hallucinations were hallucinations untiil after the fact. The presence was pretty constant. I was tormented by my hallucination for the most part, but I don't remember that it distressed me. They just kept me from sleeping or having any peace. They did make me irritable and distracted. The depression numbed me into feeling dead inside.

Besides wondering whether it is due to medication or due to the bipolar disorder, it probably crossed your mind if it is something else, like a spirit. Strange to say, this was actually asked by my doctors, but it did cross my mind. There were times when I could tell by the nature of it that it was due to the psychosis. There were moments that I got the feeling there was also a presence of someone I knew, and that did not distress me...if anything, it was comforting and reassuring. Those are my honest thoughts, and there was no judgment call by myself or my doctors. I will just say it was an interesting experience. So, I will leave it at that. The important thing is that the best person to talk about this is with your doctor. I don't know if you are just seeing an ob/gyn, but it may be a good idea to see a psychiatrist also. Hopefully, the psychiatrist is astute and can figure out if it is due to meds, postpartum depression or the bipolar disorder.

As far as postpartum depression goes, I have seen women go from a mild depression with just talk therapy to requiring hopsitalization along with medication, and the women I knew who went through it go over it after a few months. I do know a couple of women who got treated for bipolar disorder after having a baby.  I have never experienced postpartum depression.

I just wanted you to know that I experienced "the presence" and it did go away when the psychosis went away. If it is distressing you, tell your doctor about it. For myself, it wasn't distressing. I did have some pretty scary hallucinations, and I did get on the phone or told someone about them, and I got help either with a phone call, a med adjustment, or depending on how I reacted, even hospitalization.