Why does "NO" trigger such aggression?

[zelomom]

My son is 17 and was completely "stable" for 4 years ( A/B student, pres. of class, happy, funny, sweet) but still reacted to the word "NO" with a bully like attitude. However, for the past 10 months has had several lows and his personality changed drastically. Now, the word "NO" takes him back to being a little kid and he throws some amazing fits...but now he can bench 300 lbs. If I say no to going out with friends or giving him money or whatever it may be, he punches things, throws things, screams, curses, and threatens me physically. I don't understand where the big bully came from. If he doesn't get what he wants or if I  try to make him accountable by taking his precious cell phone or car, it is literally like a switch thrown and he becomes a different person. Of course he is always sorry when he gets his way and after he calms down, but in the meantime, I have a broken computer screen, holes in walls, and a dented car!  His thoughts are turning so obsessive. If he wants a taco and the house is burning down, he darn well better get a taco before anything is done to put out the fire! Seriously! Any thoughts from anyone would be helpful.

[Milly1900]

You mentioned that your son's personality changed?   My son's personality drastically changed when he was 18.  He was once caring, polite, respectful, and very apologetic when he lied or said hurtful things in an episode--he also was an A student.  UNTIL he met his first girlfriend.  She became his new "addiction", or obsession.  I became nothing (previously, we were very close).  He became very disrespectful, only able to think of this girl and nobody and nothing else.  He began to lie and steal money.  She introduced him to pot. Things only got worse from there.  

Do you think your son may be using drugs?  Or is there a girlfriend?  

[Milly1900]

I have a 20 year old son with Bipolar, and he does the EXACT same thing!  The word "no" has triggered rages since he was around 8.  We also have holes in our walls, even a hole splintered through his bedroom door from something he threw in a rage.  He also hyper focuses on something (like your taco example), and he better get what he is focused on, or else!  He is incapable of thinking about anyone else but himself.  

Actually, just the other night things escalated to a point where we had to call 911, because his brother had the car and he couldn't be sure that he would be home in time for him to get somewhere at 7:00 a.m.!  This 7 a.m. plan he had (which he was hyper-focused on) ended up to only be "hanging out" with friends!  But, just the thought that something could get in the way of his plans caused him to yell and scream and swear and cry and bang on tables, hit himself, and talk suicidal.  Which ended up with 2 officers coming over to talk to him, and then bring him to the hospital.  

If you'd like to talk more--since our boys sound so much alike--come to the new forum I started just for parents of kids (any age) with symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.  I needed other parents to talk to who knew what I was going through, so I just started it myself!

Go to the Bipolar Monster Support Forum--(bpm.suddenlaunch3.com),
and post about your son.  

It's a roller coaster ride, isn't it??

Blessings,
Milly
Bipolar Monster

[beautifulbritty712]

I agree, and I want you to know I have a lot of respect for you for putting up with his attitude. My mom kicked me out when I was 15, I moved in with my dad and was kicked out when I was 16, went back with mom and got kicked out by stepdad soon after and I was not acting like your son is. This kind of screwed me up, so I hope you stick with him! Let him know, when he's calm, that his behavior is not acceptable and it will not help him get his way. Be careful not to get upset, keep your voice level. Maybe tell him his temper could get him in a lot of trouble one day, a lot of good people do horrible things in a moment of rage. Stick by what you say, do not give in! I learned when I got older my dad will often tell me no if I ask for something and all I have to say is ok daddy and look sad..... it is much more effective and less stressful- it doesn't always work and I accept that too. Also, maybe try anger management and making him pay for things he breaks in his rages, I think this will help him learn there are consequences for acting like this while at the same time treating him like the adult he almost is.

[ILADVOCATE]

Things didn't go well before I recieved treatment at that age either. The best thing to do is have him speak to a therapist. Family therapy is good as well. They can decide if a further referral to a psychiatrist is needed.