Some questions about Bi-Polar

[need2behealthy]

Hi everyone

Ever since I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder 2-3 weeks ago I have been trying to get my head around this whole thing (it hasn't been easy because it's so complex!) and have done a lot of reading lately on forums, various articles, etc. Late last night I stumbled onto an article about something called the "kindling affect" and another one about the "Hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis". Both of these really rang a bell with me and I had a "BINGO!" moment (or epiphany) just then.

I did indeed have a HUGE stressor in my life that occurred a few years ago that seems to have started the whole "ball" rolling and then another MAJOR stressor that occurred about 6 months ago that really set me over the edge. From everything I read, it sounds like stress is a major factor (and trigger) in Bi-Polar disorder.

Anyway, between these two stressors, it was just about all I could do to keep from having a meltdown and it does seem (as the articles suggest) that with severe stress, a "Bi-Polar event" can be triggered and that, if enough individual stressors occur, it can make you super-sensitized to even the smallest things that come along in your life. Imagine having a freakout over just going out to check the mail or picking up the phone to answer it. The articles go on to describe various triggers and sequences, parts of the brain involved, chemical processes, etc and when I was finished reading I was thinking "wow, I have been wondering what this was for years and now it has a name and a treatment!".

One of my REALLY big issues (not sure if it's Bi-Polar-related or not) is that some nights I will have these very stressful dreams where I'm obsessively and repeatedly performing some nonsensical task. It always seems to involve sorting, covering every possible angle or aspect of something, etc. For example, last night I dreamt that I absolutely HAD to write every restaurant I had ever eaten at a "Thank you" letter and request a copy of my bill from them as well as what I had ordered so I could have it for my "records". I also had to make multiple copies of each of the letters I wrote as well as the bills/receipts I got back from the restaurants. Everything had to be meticulously perfect or I'd have to start all over again from scratch. I spent much of the dream sorting through tons and tons of letters, receipts, documents, etc until I was just drowning in them and feeling completely overwhelmed. Then, I'd go back and sort through them all over again, terrified I was missing something and read through each one - even checking for typos and analyzing each word, the darkness of the ink, etc. The thing is, I rarely ever even go out to eat except maybe once or twice in a whole year and in my real life, I don't have any task that requires such activity (ie; sorting, etc)!.

I woke up and felt exhausted and miserable. I have these exact type of dreams about 3-4 times each week. When I DO have these odd dreams, I feel miserable, anxious, dazed and spacey for most of the day until much later in the evening. When I DON'T have these dreams, I feel pretty normal all day. I've been under TONS of stress for over a year now (which is when these dreams started) and have only awakened one time since I began having them and I was right in the middle of a full-blown nocturnal panic attack. So maybe all of this is stress-related (including the Bi-Polar)?. Anyone else here ever experience any of this or know anything about the "kindling affect" or the "Hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis"?. Anyone else's Bi-Polar follow a particularly stressful event in your life?.

So many thoughts...questions...so new to all of this. It's very overwhelming actually.

Thanks as always for your input. It is very much appreciated!

[Anneinside]

It is possible that your dreams are a side effect of the medication you are taking. You can ask a pharmacist.

As to kindling effect, I had some symptoms of bipolar as a child but most of it subsided in early adulthood. Then my husband left and 3 months later my only child, Serena, age 16 died. I was depressed and sometimes with mixed episodes for two years. After that, for several years I had some times I became agitated every 3 to 4 months (it was actually mania) and saw my family doctor who gave me benzos for a few weeks. It would go away until the next time. Then, of all things, I got a puppy and got up with it off and on all night for weeks trying to house-break it. I started to become depressed. From then I started having full-blown mania. I had to go on medication from then on for bipolar.

[Bubulous]

A lot of times with bipolar there are also other issues like anxiety disorders and OCD, ADD, and so on.  Just being diagnosed it is going to be hard to verbalize and understand exactly what is going on.  If you are not on any anxiety meds then perhaps talk to your dr.  No one on here is a doctor.  I wish I could tell you what it is but nothing you have said seems to be a red flag for mania.  I would say it could be stress causing the anxiety and the anxiety causing the obsessive thoughts and the obsessive thoughts feeding the bipolar symptoms.  I have been on meds for a while (a high dose) and I still struggle sometimes.  You can send yourself into a panic attack over analyzing these symptoms trying to diagnose yourself.  Give the medicine a chance.  If you do slip into mania you will know it.  You definitely show signs of some OCD and it is difficult to get out of that behavior... I am struggling with it now but I get better at it everyday.  Noticing your obsessive behavior and combating it will help to keep you more stable and better able to control you moods swings.  

But like I said i am not a dr and I would consult them.  If it gets to the point where you can't handle it anymore, go to the emergency room.

[need2behealthy]

Well, I'll give you an idea off what sets off my episodes (not sure if this is mania or not because I'm new to Bi-Polar).

I woke up feeling really good for a change, got a lot done and planned to do a lot more. The sky was the limit. Then, I sat down to write my doctor a letter. Seemed so simple at first.

So, in the letter I let him know that I couldn't deal with one of the meds he prescribed because of the side affects but just when I had written and re-written and read and re-read the letter about a dozen times, I suddenly had this huge wave of thoughts come over me like "what if he gets mad?", "what if he thinks I'm questioning his judgement?", "what if he thinks I'm not being compliant?", "what if he wants me to rush over there to see him right away and I am unable to", "what if he stops seeing me?", "what if he calls the men in white coats to take me away because I couldn't take the one medication?".

So this one simple thing I sat down to do went from a simple task to an ever-increasing panic with my mind racing 100 miles per hour with all kinds of crazy thoughts and feeling totally trapped and overwhelmed. I even felt like just running out the door just to get away from everything. Then, I go on and on to a friend of mine about all this like some kind of a frantic mad-man and get completely worked up over it all. I haven't felt quite right since and am still feeling a but out of sorts.

I don't know if this would be considered a manic episode or something else. The odd thing is that other people seem to always describe their manic periods as happy times where they are cheerful and talkative, very productive and motivated, etc. Yes, I do have times like that but most of my manic episodes (if that's what this was) are filled with sheer panic, anxiety, helplessness, feeling trapped and overwhelmed at the slightest thing. Does this sound like mania?.

Thanks again for the replies!

[stephcody]

Wow stress is a big factor in bipolar... I was diagnosed with bipolar when I had a meltdown about a year and a half ago. however I choose not to be on medication because I deal with stress differently. however it is complicated you just have to take it day by day but I do agree stress is a big part of bipolar and it can trigger bipolar. you start forgetting who you are what you're doing where you're at you feel like you don't belong and have a huge meltdown. as for your dreams I just do not know exactly sometimes I've had dreams but they were outer body experience dreams. I would dream about being asleep dreaming and yet I felt awake trying to get somebody's attention because I felt something was attacked attacking me ... it is a bad feeling and I do not like getting those dreams but I have not had a dream like that in over a year and a half of 2. I try to stay in more control of my life and everything I do taking it day by day even though some days are harder than others.