bipolar disorder

[MrsNatHarri]

hi, here's a little bit about me, I'm due to turn 30 2 months and been battling depression since 2000. When my 2 year old I suffered from postnatal depression, antidepressants after antidepressants was not working and my moods were changing completely off the scale. There was times I felt so happy I felt I could literally fly off the roof, I'd spend money on gambling sites that went into the £1000s, I thought people wanted to control me with tablets, I didn't sleep much and I everytime I felt like this, I'd come up with new business ventures and contacted financial instituts to help fund my business plans. Then when my mood changed I complete dropped, I wanted to be on my own, I was worthless, I told my husband to go and find someone better for him and my daughter, I'd cry at silly things, I could sleep 15hrs and still want more, my personal hygiene went to literally just a wash and teeth, housework too. One day just before Christmas I felt so down and irritable I cut myself, until deep red blood came out, I didn't feel any better just wanted to die. My husband rang our local mental health assessment team and they asked to see me.  I saw a mental health nurse who said it sounded like bipolar disorder but she couldn't diagnose it and I'd need to see the psychiatrist at the assessment team.  He was lovely, he spoke to me and diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder and referred me to the recovery team, he gave me blood forms and ecg forms before any mood stabilisers were given. When I went to the recovery team just after Christmas I saw my psychiatrist he was another nice doctor, he again went through everything asked how my moods were    and the outcome was bipolar disorder, I felt relieved I has answers, I was crazy or moody, I asked him was it definite and he said yes, he'd read my file but needed to see me first. He put me on 750mg depakote and kept me at 150mg sertraline. I began feeling like me again, went out more, spent extra time with my daughter. When I went back 4 weeks later, I explained I was convinced I was being watched so he said sometimes you get psychosis symptoms and put me on 1mg risperidone and upped my depakote to 1250mg, still had my Antidepressants. I started become really ill off the risperidone, back to gambling, being up, physically shaking,  so I stopped it and my husband rang to get me back in with my psychiatrist who had changed without my knowledge. When u went the other day, she's said she's read my notes and is not convinced it's bipolar, she recommends therapy and referred me to an occupational therapists. I'm sorry but if my two year old doesn't give me the incentive when I'm down, how will this help... I burst out crying, I had my answers there, the was a reason I'd flip from wanting to be dead then up spending endless amounts of money... It feels like she's taken my answers away. Can she do this? I've had my diagnosis of two other psychiatrists... Can I disagree with her? She did say it's still down I'm still down as being bipolar but she wants to try other things instead of medication.

[MrsNatHarri]

Thank you for your reply, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder recently by one psychiatrist at the assessment team at the hospital,and he referred me to the recovery team and the psychiatrist ther. The new psychiatrist would have been my second one but she was on maternity leave so he was a locome (I know I was confused) I've been keeping a diary and my mood is up since I posted. I feel more energetic, happy, irritable because Im doing too much at once.

[Bubulous]

Of course you can disagree with her.  You have to advocate for yourself.  I do think that the OT would be good for you but it is not enough.  I went through this a few years back after I was diagnosed.  Depending on your mood at the time when you visit these "professionals" you may be diagnosed with many different things.
Bipolar can present itself as schitzophrenia or even borderline personality disorder.  I would recommend, as I do to everyone, keeping a journal so that when you go in to see these people you may be better prepared.
Just a quick little daily journal tracking your mood and behavior.
I am not a dr but you obviously display many symptoms of bipolar and it is something that you should keep exploring.