child refuses to do school

[joeyntx39]

My son is 11.  He has always had outrages or meltdowns as long as I can remember.  Homework was always a huge fight for us, no matter what the grade he was currently in.  At the start of Pre K his behavior was defiant, and as he progressed in age his actions consisted of getting under a desk, standing on a desk, running from the teachers, moving furniture around, banging his head on the wall, making incoherent statements....I know there are a few I'm forgetting to mention.  At the beginning of last year, he decided on not doing his school work, in particular his writing. He absolutely hates writing.  He hates writing so much he even refuses to do his math on paper but instead will attempt getting the answer in his head.  Last year, he was partially hospitalized in a dayhab program for 16 weeks where he was diagnosed with bipolar w/depression and anxiety.  I was anxious and optimistic about his return to public school with the diagnosis thinking he was going to get help where needed. I quickly realized we weren't any closer to a solution.  In one month his new school suspended him twice.  I was told by MHMR (Mental Health & Retardation) to pull him out the remainder of the year and homeschool him.  Even though I knew how behind he was at this point I pulled him out and attempted the schooling at home.  The curriculum wasn't state approved but it was curriculum and he seemed to like it but I was limited on how long he would give me to teach him.  He really expected me to let him do all of his classes in one hour and after that I could forget anything else from him.  This year the new school decided to pass him against my request to retain him, unbelievable since he had basically missed the entire 4th grade. He made about 3 weeks of school when the school had decided they'd had enough of his mood swings and behavior and was forcing me to put him back in a dayhab.  I refused to put him back in another dayhab because he is already so behind academically I'm not sure I will ever get him back on track.  So, here I am homeschooling him again except this time with a public program called K12.  K12 might be great for the independent child, but we are failing at it miserably and we are on the verge of truency.  When he does his work and he truly gets what he is doing, he seems excited and self confident but one wrong answer he's done, that's it, he isn't doing anything else but a total shutdown.  But mostly he doesn't want to do his work, I can't even get him out of bed in the mornings. He is defiant in every way at this time, and we argue daily.  I try to talk to him so see if I can help him even just a little bit.   I need to know what it is that seems to be bringing him down so much.  The other morning he woke up, came in the living room and just laid on the living room floor sobbing.  He did this about three times before he got up and seemed okay.  It seems the more I talk and try to reason with him, the worse it gets.  I'm sad, exhausted and feeling very hopeless for him.  

[Crystal413]

Read read read as much as you can about children with bipolar, how you can help them, skills to teach him etc.  The dr.s will not tell you everything you need to know to help your child. They mainly focus on medication. There is no magic pill to fix this. You need to use a combination of modalities in order to have success for your child. I wish you the best.

[Crystal413]

Where I live home bound is where a home bound teacher comes into the students home and teaches the same curriculum as if he were in the actual school. Even though one has bipolar doesn't mean they could not have other things going on with them. It would be advisable to just schedule an appt with an allergist. The peds dr really has nothing to do with the allergist, at least in my state. I have learned thru the years to be my child's advocate and my own. I research, learn and go to what ever dr I have to to make sure all the basis are covered. A dr. Could say, oh, that's not necessary when down the road you find out that dr, was wrong. Dr's. Can be great but they make mistakes, don't know everything because they are not trained to know everything. That's why we have specialists.

It's up to you, but I strongly advise therapy, a gluten free diet at some point and to eliminate food color dyes now.

When you go to a new pdoc just remember it's your child your advocating for. You are the one paying the dr. If you don't agree or like what he suggests, go to another. You will find there are good pdoc's and bad pdoc's.

[weaver71]

If you sign a release with the state of Texas, you can use any curriculum you want. What we did while living there was pulled up California, New York, and Texas state requirements for education and bought curriculum to make sure we covered them all. It was slow going, but it really was better for our son. I'll ask my wife what we used specifically. We used Singapore math, Magic Tree House reading, and covered social studies and history with a mixture of resources. We have been able to continue using those tools in his new school program, though I know Cali is far more supportive of alternative education than Texas is.

[joeyntx39]

Hi, I agree he is on the wrong med.  I am having to find a new Psych and counselor because both of them are with the hospital he was in and it is too far to go for us.  He is a happy kid and then he can be a very unhappy kid just as quick, there is no rhyme or reason that him or I can pinpoint when it's said and done.  The home school he is doing is with the public school system, it's call K12. The elem school he was in was not helpful with his education at all and actually they will not allow home school for more than 30 days. I am working on getting him a home school program that is Christian curriculum based, and he can work at his own pace.  It will also give him a chance to learn what he missed last year.  I think this will lessen his frustration for sure with schooling.  I have not had him allergy tested, could help to check I'll talk to his Pediatrician.  His father was bipolar and my grandfather too.  They were both very unhappy people.  Thanks for the advice!

[Crystal413]

It does not sound like the medicine he is taking is working at all. Do you see his pscychiatrist regularly? I'm sure it's difficult to know what's part of bipolar and what part is just being a kid. He sounds like a very confused and unhappy little boy. Do you have him in Therapy? This would be very, very helpful. Have you considered having him home bound thru the school instead of homeschool. Have you had him allergy tested, tried a gluten free diet, cut out dyes? This could help as well.

[weaver71]

I am bipolar 1 and my kids sounds like a clone of yours, though he has never been diagnosed. We homeschooled most of his life, he should be in 4th grade, but is in 3rd. He still struggles. We have found that we don't correct his work as he goes, we let him finish all of it before checking it. He is trying a small school right now, but it's likely he will be homeschooled again. He also hates writting and doesn't want to do math on paper. He says word problems aren't math, numbers are math! He is smart, but very rebellious. It's hard to make him eat, change clothes, or anything. It has to be his idea if he is going to do something. My wife and I try to talk to each other and let him hear, so he may get the idea to do what we are talking about on his own. We ignore the sobbing on the floor, but it makes for an uncomfortable environment. I can't tell if it is high functioning autism, bipolar, or what. Me being bipolar makes me wonder. We are simply trying to let him learn at his own pace and making sure he keeps learning, at least something. I know i didn't give you any answers, but I am amazed at the parallels in our sons. I hope you find a good school for him, me too.