divorce

[marko45]

What can i do to keep my wife from divorcing me.  my meanness, controlling, bipolar self doesn't realize what i have done or said till after the fact.  she has put up with so much and i still don't get it!!

[marko45]

Her life consists of working 10 to 12 hours 5 to 6 days per week and then not knowing what she is going to come home to with me.  I am not sympathetic or apologetic till well after the fact.....sometimes days after the fact!   I hate I can't see this at the time I act like a fool.  She says that she shouldn't have to walk on egg shells and I can control my rage.  I don't have to say everything I think.  I wish it was that easy.  

  I have been tried on 5 to 6 different meds and my memory is horrible so I can't say as to which ones I've been on,,,,but, the next step per my doc will be ECT if the Abilify doesn't work.  That scares me more than her leaving me right now.

[lagatta]

When I have out of control angry I tell my husband that I need space because otherwise I will rage at him.  I usually go for a drive, write in my diary, browse at Chapters anything that will ground me until I've worked through my anger and am back to myself.  Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours, other times it can take me the whole day.  My husband hates being apart from me but prefers it to my rage.  

I've also learned to talk about my behaviours and what's going on inside me so that he has a full understanding of my struggles.  We have a really open relationship so I'm lucky that way.  

I suggest that you have a heart-to-heart with your wife and tell her how you feel.  Let her know that you are crazy about her and are going to get treatment for your problem.  In the meantime make sure you do really special, romantic things for her and MAKE SURE you make good on your word on getting help.

In the end though, if her mind is made up there's really nothing you can do but accept it.  Sometimes things have to get really bad before they get good.

[LetaB]

  If she has a job and you don't how is i that she doesn't have a life? Beg her to give the new medication some time. I think it's a very good sign that you want this so much and are willing to try. I didn't care foe Abilify myself but I know it works for some of us. Give it enough time but if it's not the difference you hoped for then go right back to your psychiatrist and ask for a change. It usually takes multiple visits to your pdoc to finally get the meds right. Are you as apologetic and sympathetic to her as you sound? Then ask for some more time and concentrate!

[marko45]

I am on meds just started Abilify today.  She goes to the doc with me. She expresses what I do and her views are like night and day to mine.  She resents that I don't work and she is the bread winner and in the past i used drugs to hide my pain and my pride.  I only straighten up when she threatens divorce.   Then I see what I have done.  I ask her to point it out to me and she's tired of doing that.  She doesn't have a life.

[LeftCoastChick]

Are you getting help for BP, are you on meds? If you aren't, you have to put yourself in her shoes. Maybe once you get help things might change but , I'm guessing your not getting therapy, a person shouldn't stay if they don't feel safe, would you?