need help for my mom!

[Angie3390]

Hi. I really hope someone can give me some help regarding my mother's mental condition. She was diagnosed with manic depression about 30 years ago, but her state of mind seems much worse than just this condition. She sometimes refuses to eat for days to get attention. She has Waldenstroms, and also advanced COPD and is on about 20 medications that she takes daily. Sometimes she doesn't take her meds properly and makes herself sick. She has been addicted to prescription medication for about 30 years. My sister and I have caught her cutting herself with razors, but we haven't seen this for years. She is extremely anti social and has no friends at all, she expects family to cater to her. She is mostly bound to a wheelchair, has a caregiver part time, and does need personal help. She refuses to consider assisted living. If family does not do what she wants, she goes into extreme bouts of depression, and when family does do what she wants she seems to experience some kind of high from the attention. Another thing I'd like to mention is that she has also been diagnosed with OCD. Her spending habit got so bad she filed for bankruptcy and lost her home. Does all of this sound like simple manic depression or bi polar disorder? What else could be going on that we are missing?

[shortcircuited]

To answer your question, with a lymphoma type cancer, not being able to get enough oxygen, and mental illness, My God, what more could be wrong with her?  Probably side effects from her medicines are part of the problem.  I feel very sorry for your mother.  It's amazing she is able to do anything at all.

It's not unusual or unreasonable for elderly people to expect their offspring to reverse roles with them when the time comes that they can no longer care for themselves.  Just like some little kids have special needs, some elderly parents do, too.  Are you functioning in the role of child or caregiver?  If your family won't take care of your own, then who do you expect to do it for you?

One of my grandmothers in a nursing home once told me that she had taken care of others for all her life and now she was ready to let someone take care of her.  She liked being in a home and being cared for, and was lucky to be in a place with quality care.  My other grandmother was scared to death of being put in a home someday.

What do you expect your mother to be like?  What would you expect anyone in that much misery to do?  Would you want to be in assisted living if you were her?  If she is at the point that she has no money, it's not really going to be her choice where she stays, is it?  Maybe therapy would give her some extra attention and help her deal better with all these problems.

It's not very easy to take 20 medications as directed when you feel like total **** from the kind of illnesseses your mom has.  Will she let anyone be in charge or help with her medicines?

Best of luck.  You and your family may benefit from therapy, too, in trying to manage all these difficulties.

[Magdalorne]

It sounds to me like your Mom has Borderline Personality Disorder.  Many of the symptoms appear similar.  Take her to a psychiatrist before she drives everyone in the household crazy!  I'm not a doctor, so I'm just guessing.  She might even have both.  Check it out online.  

[4afriend]

Hi, I'm not a psychiatrist by anymeans however from what info you have offered it does seem to me that she does at least have some bipolar tendencies.  My mother is dx'd manic depressive with bipolar tendencies.  She also had the shopping urges which sent her into a bankrupcy as well.  My mom fortunatly hasn't had the prescription med issue however I've learned that that also can be a symptom for bipolar.  Her antisocialness surely stems from the depression.  I would suggest for her to be seen by her psychiatrist, make sure he is updated on her symptoms and have him review her meds.  Sometimes they need to do some changes on them to get the best effects.  Unfortunately, meds that can be very effective for years...can lose that effectiveness over time.  I know it can be very frustrating, continue to be patient while you find out more as to what is going on with her.  Best wishes to you and your family