the man I love has bipolar...

[why201103]

Hi there,

It's a long story and I'm trying to make it short. I appreciate your time reading it.

I started to date him since 2007. He had an episode in 2008 and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. We were from different countries (20 hours flight with stopover). I took time off work and traveled over to take care of him after he got out of the hospital. I stayed for 5 months till he fully recovered. He didn't want to get married back then as he didn't have a job back then. I thought that was reasonable and came back to my country.

He had been very loving and he is very nice to every one. In the past more than 2 years, I flew over to see him for 3  times. His family and himself was not sure if he was good to take the 20 hours flight with the chemical imbalance condition, so he never comes visit me though he always says he wants to. We talked on the phones everyday. He would tell me how much he loves me and misses me but he has never been able to make the decision to marry me, though he's been telling everyone I am his finacee.

He got sick back in Jan and went back to the hospital again. I had been calling the hospital and his family to check on him everyday. He moved back to his parents after he got out. 2 days after that I got to know he had a female friend came visit him and staying there. He doesn't have many friends as far as I know. He said she was just a friend stopping by. I got to know later she was his girlfriend back in highschool. I asked why couldn't she stay at her friends. He said it was not the way to show hopitality to ask her to stay somewhere else. She stayed for 2 nights. I actaully felt hurt but accepted it. He just got out from the hospital after all.

His mom was sick too so I took time off from work again and went over to help him to get better. I used a backup phone of his and got to see lots of flirty and sexual messages between him and that female friend of his in Dec and Jan before he got into hospital. And the call records tells that they talked on the phone mutiples time a day. The woman called multiple times a day when I was there too. And I saw some ladies stuffs and condoms in his apartment when I was helping him move. And he denied he did anything wrong and then finally a few days before I left he said I was so good to him but that he was **** to me.... Now I've been back in my country for month, heartbroken with the facts I saw there. And He finally admitted that he cheated on me last week.

He said that would never happen again and that he loves me so so much and doesn't want to lose me and all that. I know that he had been confused (he cut the medicion on his own without telling me or his family for almost a year) but could that be an excuse to cheat and lie? It's hard for me to believe that he wouldn't lie again or if he's still in contact with that woman. He still calls me everyday and I couldn't let my hurt feelings out as he is still not revovered yet....

I don't know what to do. And maybe you guys could give me a better insight on it.

Thanks!

[why201103]

Thank you very much for your input Darlene.

I don't mind he has the condition and the prolems that come with it. But when it goes to promiscuity, it's really a big no.

I want to know if there're people who has bi-polar and never been promiscuous?? They might have had the thoughts but were able to control it not to cheat?? I guess if I could see the hope in him that he will be able to control himself not to make the same mistake again and it would be easier for me....

Thank you!!

[darlenedaisy]

Hi,
my name is Darlene and I am bipolar. I am 43 yr old woman.

I can feel your pain in the words you write.
This is difficult.  You see, often when bipolar people are manic, they make choices that they would never make if they were stable.
Promiscuity is one of the problems that can go along with mania.
Usually if this is the case (mania), a person often feels VERY remorseful and ashamed of their actions afterward when they are no longer manic.
I cannot say for sure what is happening in your situation, as I do not know this guy.
I can only share my experience.  
For me there is mania and depression.
When manic, I feel like superwoman, like I own the world, I am the smartest, sexiest, most beautiful person around.  My mind is whirling and I decide to do things that I normally would never do.
When depressed I just want to die, hate myself, and regret the stupid choices I made when manic.

Usually with medications, it can be balanced out, and a person can live a more normal life, and make more sane choices.
I find that this is a very difficult illness to live with.

The choice you have to make is a very difficult one, and I do not have an answere.  I hope this brings you some insight

Sending hugs,
Darlene.