paranoia

[lostoneself]

I was diagnosed as bipolar just over 2 years ago.  I recently have been very paranoid (not that i wasn't before, just more severe).  I always feel like someone always has an alterior motive for being nice to me, or think that everyone secretly hates me, or they are just friends with me because they feel sorry for me.  Then I feel like everyone is poking fun at me or talking about me (for instance..."she's crazy").  I constantly worry about  my actions so that I dont give anyone ammo to talk about me or a reason for them not to be my friends anymore.  I feel a large part is that the friends that I see regularly I met through my exboyfriend of 3 years and we just broke up about 5 months ago (which that is a whole other can of worms!).  I moved to his home town and became friends with his friends while he was away at college.  after the breakup i waited for the other shoe to drop and lose all my friends.  But it is now 5 months later and i am still close, maybe even closer to them, and i know deep down that they are my friends, but i cant help thinking that all the time, sometimes i feel that it controls me and my actions.  

[lostoneself]

Yes i am on medication and yes my friends know.  almost everyone knows ( I live in a small town!).  some in town are very understanding and were shocked to find out, even some friends/family were stumped to find out, some still to this day dont think that i am, but then again they arent inside my head.  I am very good at keeping appearances, I dont want anyone to think i have problems, or less than normal...yes i know that "what is normal!"  but I have become very dependent on what others think about me as if i need their approval.  I think that if one million people liked me and one person didnt that i dont see the million that do.  I see that its stupid to think that way, but i do and cant help it.  I truly think that it might be because i am not happy with who i am.  I used to be so open and happy and didnt care about others thoughts.  I miss that person, and i am trying to find that person again, but it is a rough road to travel.  I am very aware of how obserd my thoughts and feelings are but no matter what those thoughts still run things.  sometimes i feel that i am trapped and have no control kinda like being silenced by an alter ego (exaggeration but only thing i could compare it to)  Ok so you all can tell I am a talker, that is the way I get things off my mind its like tapping into my brain and letting everything drain out.  So with that said goodbye for now!

[Minty737]

Paranoia can be a part of bipolar. Are you on meds? Have you talked to your Doc about the paranoia? Perhaps they can help.

Therapy may also be an option, to help you lessen the feeligns of paranoia.

I know that at times i can feel like all of my friends are against me, and that they dont want to see me, or are excluding me from things like parties. But when my boyfriend hears me talkign like that he stops me and says, why do you think they didnt invite you? Is it possible they didnt have the right (ie somebody elses party)? OR perhaps they didnt go. Maybe no one is talkig to you because everybody else is as swamped wiht Uni as you are....

A little perspective from a trusted friend can make all the difference. Find someone you can trust completely. It can be family, friends, or partner, or even a therapist if you dont feel comfortable with the others knowing. Talking about it, and hearing some reasonable explanations really helps.

[Delusion]

I am exactly the same and i have lost a lot of friends because of it =( do any of your friends know your bipolar?