please explain rage to me/is this rage?

[adel_ezz]

in a post Athena said mania + irritability/anxiety (to the point of rage).

this is what happens to me now almost everyday for a few minutes. it's the sound of a tiger, i don;t know the difference between growl and roar it's like menacing or the sort the sound is horrible. fire into my head. seroquel helps but it's the frequency increasing

what do you consider this
pls

[adel_ezz]

thank you for your kind explanation

[Xila31]

Yes, I am usually very passive and calm. I don't have a big temper. Except I do when manic. I know that's what it is because I am moving too fast and everyone is too slow, just like you both said. I am just easily frustrated and not upset at anything in general. Then when it is over I feel stupid and ashamed.

so, just another thing we all have in common. :(

[moonpanda]

Yes, me too, with all of those things! The impatience for the much too slow-moving world, the outburst of rage and loss of control, and the deep regret and embarrassment that inevitably follows. Not a great cycle. I'm glad that I too haven't had this happen for a while now... and I hope things stay that way. I hate being mean, and I hate scaring people that I care about. I have to work hard to not hate *myself* after doing all of the above.

[starbunny]

Not sure if my rage/angry outbursts are mania, but probably were a part of - they used to happen before the seroquel when I was just on tegretol alone. I am also more passive side usually. The rage used to be through frustration of things not happening fast enough rather than any particular life situation. People slowing queues down etc drove me MAD!! Even people talking too slowly would too. I really lost control a few times and embarrased myself and insulted people I care about. :(. Thankfully this hasn't happened for a while now. When I used to let off steam I would be shaking and later I would break into tears at the shock of what I had done.

[Xila31]

LOL, those are good tips, Thanks! I like the one about no rock music or talk radio. LOL. We should add to that for the modern age, no going onto forums where people may be talking about sensitive issues. (Like politics.) That's what is good about this forum. :)

Also if you throw pop corn it has that effect of flying all over, so it would be like you broke soemthing into a million pieces. But, I don't throw very often. Like.... 1 times ever 5 years or more.

Well, I have hit my head into lots of things. Wall, books, the floor, my  hand.... I know where adel_ezz comes from there. I also hit it into that head rest thing in my car a lot. Good thing that darn thing is well made. It is scary. :(

For pacing, though, once I get moving it is hard to stop. I'm like one of those caged lions at the zoo. Even if I was in the bath I would probably need to rock at least.

[zzzmykids]

Xila,
I forgot, when you get really mad and want to throw something......ALWAYS keep bowls of popcorn around. Throw those, the effect is the same because you use the rage to throw the popcorn farther but no one gets hurt. When you feel like crawling out of your body and want to pace, with your partner, no matter how mad at eachother, get in a warm bath. Have you ever seen a screaming person get out of a warm bath and flap your arms around...the mirror says it all...also no quick get away.  Lastly, when driving DO NOT play hard rock music, listen to talk radio, it's George Winston, Music of the Andes and my favorite Selah.
All the above I created before finding out I was bp and on no meds except for migraines.The last one about music was from my talk therapist. Hope these help. I never hit my head against wall, tell you psych! The warm bath, I like bubble bath, yeah he still jumps in if we can't handle the outside....but it has been years and definately before ten years ago when I was NOT on meds.  Good luck my friend. Message me if you need to talk. zzzmykids x

[moonpanda]

It's strange, because normally I'm an extremely easy-going and gentle person. My personality is much farther to the passive side than the aggressive side. My moods have always been fickle, even in childhood, but I never experienced this type of full-on, inescapable, irrational rage until I had manias. I try (though my trying doesn't always work) to not take it out verbally on the people around me, which is why it often gets taken out physically on the unfortunate inanimate objects in my vicinity. I immediately regret being so physically destructive, and I always feel like a child throwing a temper tantrum after I do it. But it's so hard for me to take control in these episodes, it's like running on a very scary, angry autopilot.

It's always shaming and mortifying for me to remember my actions, and for me to attempt to apologize for being so out of control. Especially when it involves me yelling at the people in my life who haven't done anything wrong, and they've just happened to fall into my field of rage-vision. Because my default is to be kind and respectful, I always feel very ashamed once I come down closer to earth and regain a little insight.

[Xila31]

I always seem to just go ahead and take it out on myself. :(

I think that's better though I don't take it out on my kids, although I get impatient with them and then I feel bad. It isn't their fault and don't deserve to be snipped at. But like when the little one is having a tantrum that is the hardest time if I'm like this. I just have no patience and I yell at him. That's not helping matters.

Once I threw some chairs over a long, long, long time ago. Another time I threw the baby gate at the wall. (No one was anywhere near me, but still.) When I was a teen I broke a glass. So, it is very uncommon for me to actually hurt anything other than myself.

[moonpanda]

adel_ezz: Ouch!!!!

Xila: I do all the same stuff. I get incredibly impatient and short-tempered. Luckily, I live in a city and I don't have a car, but when I'm in these irritable manias, I get really upset if the bus takes too long to get to the stop. When I do drive in these episodes, I have a bit of a problem with road rage, which amuses my sister and friends when they're with me (my screaming and flipping people off is funny to them), but it's embarrassing to remember later. I also take to self-harm more frequently in these times, because the rage has to go SOMEWHERE, and sometimes that has to be myself after I've screamed at everyone around me and broken half of the objects in the house.

[Xila31]

Yes, I get so enraged with my mania too. I become more and more irritable I just feel like I'm going to explode. I think for the most part I get snappy, but if someone crosses me I get mean. I'm not a mean person normally. :(

Also like zzzmykids said, I fell like my body is trying to claw its way out of my skin. My heart feels like it is pounding 100 miles an hour. I pace and rock and just am completely unhappy and angry. Often the outbursts happen while I'm driving, which isn't good. Like the traffic light will be taking too long, so I'll start screaming and attacking the steering wheel. I hurt my hand pretty badly one day, it hurt for about 3 weeks after that. :(
Another time I was in a hurry at the drive in and I'm sure the people in the other cars thought I was crazy because I was practically going crazy trying not to flip out while I waited.

Also this seems to be when the self-harm becomes a real danger for me. I will attack myself. It is like I lose my mind and I just have a complete breakdown. It is terrifying, actually, and I feel so ashamed after it happens. :(

[adel_ezz]

>>>punched walls, etc. because this type of feeling is quite overwhelming
exactly
but in addition hit my head against the wall

[zzzmykids]

My manias are mainly rage. Not in my head but my body gets this wanting to be out of my skin feeling and whom ever is around it happens to them, my mouth gets out of hand. It definately is not very often any more, not for ten years/medicine started ten years ago. Before it was twice, three, four times a month, maybe, not sure.
Lithium has been the key leveler, but since I have been on natural antidepressants one thing is for sure the ugly dragon raises its head once in awhile and I rage. That's my rage.

[moonpanda]

I think I understand what you're saying. My manias tend to be irritable ones, and during these episodes I have a HUGE problem with rage. It's such a powerful feeling inside, like I just want to explode and take down everything else with you. For example, I once attempted to get in a physical fight with a stranger on the street because I was in a hurry, denied his request for help/money, and he made some snide remark to me. Normally, I would have just chuckled and kept walking, but this made me become so scarily enraged. It was like the rage was controlling me, and that's all I could feel, with no rationality, so I hunted him down and screamed in his face and shoved him. He ran away, crossing the busy street, probably scared of the crazy girl freaking out at him.

I also have broken many household items, punched walls, etc. because this type of feeling is quite overwhelming. It's caused a lot of problems with my relationships. It *****. Is this sort of what you're talking about?

[bigboyondeck]

im not sure