My Bipolar husband and his 'new' friend

[vsantos]

    Hi everyone,

  Some of you already know me. My husband of 12 years was diagnosed 4 months ago at age 44 with Bipolar Dis. after going into his first full Manic Episode (which led him to try to commit suicide). He was extremely Psychotic and only now 3 months into taking Depakote + Risperdal he starting to 'feel'  better...but he not even close to being the productive, happy person I've known for 12 years.

       When he was Manic he started telling everyone how horrible of a person I was and that he was divorcing me. During this time he started hanging out with an woman that he knew from 17 years ago (but had no contact till that point).
        My husband went missing fro 2 days (when he tried to commit suicide) only this woman knew where he was. At first I 'used' her so I would know where my husband was (he was only talking to her) he stopped talking to all his real friends and family.
        I know many of this woman's friends who all told me she was diagnosed many years ago with Boderline Pers Disorder + Agoraphobia (and that nobody can stand being around for too long because she "drives people insane" ---I heard this from many of her former friends)....
         Understanding as much as I do about Bipolar and having endured 4 months of total Chaos in my life...the part that still puzzles me is my husband's 'relationship' with this woman.
        When he moved out of our house for 2  months, he moved in with her (now he moved back to our house--Thank God!). But I feel he is still very much 'attached' to her, they text and talk to each other pretty much everyday (she is the only person he actually talk to !). And at least once a week he feels the need to go over her house!
    
    And he does all of it thinking that his father and I don't know where he is going (thank God his father is staying with us to help!).
     His father and I don't want to 'question' him on this 'relationship' because we fear it will 'drive him away' ....I mean he    is already so 'distant' from us still, not really talking about his state of mind...
  
       My concern now is not even their 'relationship' but the fact that her untreated mental illness maybe delaying/not helping his recovery. All her former friends have told me how persistent she can be, how possessive she can be and how she really needs to have somebody by her side to feel better). Just to think that when my husband was very Psychotic and decided to put me in court to get Custody of our daughter, this woman helped him write this Letter to court (my husband can't write English) alleging that of many crazy things the letter stated, that I also hit my daughter....so though she knew he was sick, she still wrote that letter anyway--that puzzled me (I mean none of his Real friends would have written those horrible things for him!).  
        
   Any suggestions, what do I do? Do I give him more time to feel better and hopefully he'll realize this 'relationship  is TOXIC!
      Is there anything his father or I can say without making him 'run away' from us again....The interesting thing is, he never talks about this woman with me or even his father who is his best friend in the World !!!
    PLEASE HELP!

[kathy434]

I think that you need to talk with his doctor about this woman relationship.  He can explore this relationship with him as an objective person, thus your husband will not feel threatened from you.
He really needs to stop seeing this other woman and put his own family, and you especially, first in his life.  You don't need to be competing with another woman in his life.  I don't care what for any reason.  It is an affair, be it friendship, emotional support, or more.  He needs to be honest with you and you deserve this much.  I can understand your concerns.
If you need to talk with his therapist too then do so in that he can explore this subject with him.  You need to know about this relationship for your own well being.  I thought he was spending time with another guy.  Another woman, however, is a whole different story.  And especially if she is helping him to take action against you!  She has some ulterior motives under her belt.    Kathy

[vsantos]

Yes My Husband is taking Depakote and Risperdal, he sees does a 2-hour therapy session weekly and sees his Psychiatrist 2x a month.
   and my 2 year old was never in danger, I was able to keep her away from the chaos and now the whole family is home! My husband too! And now that he is feeling better and able to 'concentrate' better he's taking care of our 2 year old and loving her pretty much the same way he has always done it--he is an amazing father!!!!!!
    Yes looking back these past 4 months have been pretty tough on my....but I love this man! He deserves my understanding.

[danizen]

I'm sorry to hear that.  It all sounds so incredibly painful.  My first concern is for your daughter.  I assume she is safely at home with you, yes?  My second concern is that your husband is taking the right meds and participating in weekly talk therapy, a DBT group, or something similar.  Once his meds are stabilized, you both may benefit from some marriage counseling, but only if he's willing and able.  This is a hard road.  I wish you peace and healing.