Aa
what can i honestly expect?
i was diagnosed as bipolar 1 with psychotic features a while back (the comorbid details are still undergoing evaluation) and in my counseling session yesterday my doctor asked me to think back as far as i could into my childhood and try to figure out when my BP symptoms started, because she had suspicions that i have been this way for the majority of my life. after intense speculation, i realized i experienced my first full-blown mania (pressured speech, racing thoughts, grandiosity, the whole nine yards) when i was 10. it lasted two and a half weeks. the second one came two months later and lasted a similar duration. i was never hospitalized for BP because of my mom's intense phobia of doctors/hospitals.
when i announced that realization my doctor looked me dead in my face and told me that i am literally the "worst off" bipolar patient she has ever personally treated based on the severity, consistency, and (already) long-term affect of my illness, and that she is very concerned at this point about the progression of said illness if i don't start getting thorough treatment ASAP. so i made an appointment for today to discuss possible medication regimes, because i have literally never been medicated for any of this in my entire life, and i am going to try and keep an open mind about it.
i guess that brings me to my question: i am only 19 as of now and i have been displaying BP1 behaviors for at least 9 years, almost 10. i have learned that bipolar disorder only gets worse with time, so as you can probably imagine, my concern is for the future and what it may hold for me and the people around me.
can anyone here give me ideas- based on their personal experiences- of the way i could be affected by the progression of this illness? how much help is staying on meds and always going to therapy sessions really going to be? i have learned a lot of fantastic coping, calming, and redirecting skills the past few years, i never miss my therapy sessions, and now that we're adding meds to the picture i will also have that on my side; but this is such an uphill battle, i can't help but wonder sometimes if this is all my life is ever going to revolve around. :/
when i announced that realization my doctor looked me dead in my face and told me that i am literally the "worst off" bipolar patient she has ever personally treated based on the severity, consistency, and (already) long-term affect of my illness, and that she is very concerned at this point about the progression of said illness if i don't start getting thorough treatment ASAP. so i made an appointment for today to discuss possible medication regimes, because i have literally never been medicated for any of this in my entire life, and i am going to try and keep an open mind about it.
i guess that brings me to my question: i am only 19 as of now and i have been displaying BP1 behaviors for at least 9 years, almost 10. i have learned that bipolar disorder only gets worse with time, so as you can probably imagine, my concern is for the future and what it may hold for me and the people around me.
can anyone here give me ideas- based on their personal experiences- of the way i could be affected by the progression of this illness? how much help is staying on meds and always going to therapy sessions really going to be? i have learned a lot of fantastic coping, calming, and redirecting skills the past few years, i never miss my therapy sessions, and now that we're adding meds to the picture i will also have that on my side; but this is such an uphill battle, i can't help but wonder sometimes if this is all my life is ever going to revolve around. :/
you guys have all been so, so helpful and inspiring. i don't think i'll be leaving these forums any time soon. :)
anuket- i have looked into a lot of sites, and the one you messaged me is awesome. thank you. :)
xila31- there are a lot of other factors that i left out attributing to my illness and why my doctor is looking at things so severely, but those are the extreme symptoms that i really don't know how to talk about. :/ i started showing signs before i was even in kindergarten, actually, i just didn't go full swing manic until i was 10.
anuket- i have looked into a lot of sites, and the one you messaged me is awesome. thank you. :)
xila31- there are a lot of other factors that i left out attributing to my illness and why my doctor is looking at things so severely, but those are the extreme symptoms that i really don't know how to talk about. :/ i started showing signs before i was even in kindergarten, actually, i just didn't go full swing manic until i was 10.
I wanted to let you know that all your dreams will still come true. I was diagnosed 15 years ago with BP1. I was still able to finish college, get married, buy my dream house, and have kids. I don't think the illness gets worse, but you will get better on managing it. I've been manic free for 6 and a half years. Good luck and keep in touch.
You could get better or worse, medication could stop losing effectiveness without warning even after 40 years of it working fine and you could relapse and get worse due to stress, which PACT tells me every time someone with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia relapses they recover less and less than the last time.
Well, I don't know if you're psychiatrist is new or not but I find it odd she says you're the worst case she's ever seen just because you can think back to 10 years old and determin that was when your symptoms started. I don't know, maybe that's just me... I can think back to at least when I was 6 years old having sever pressured speach problems, (I litterally could not shut up or stop interruppting people.) My first grade teacher actually moved my desk to the front of the classroom so that I was right up against the chalk board and was 100% isolated from teh rest of the class by at least 10 feet in every direction. So, do you know what I did then? I just talked to myself and I still talk to myself regularly (every single day, sadly.) So I don't know about that, but I think that is scary for you to hear and I don't know the rest of your story, but that just made me wonder. :(
As for other experiences I know for a fact that around 8 years old I was terrified using the bathroom at home because I thought my classmates (3rd graders) had snuck into my home and installed a highly sophisticated surveilance system in my house so that they could make fun of me using the bathroom. I used to sit in there and pray that no one was watching me or laughing at me. Not normal.
12 is my first suicide attempt.
I can honestly say ages 15,16, and 17 I had a great deal of mania. I was a very hyper, over the top person who came out of a severly depressed child, still a sprinkling of suicidal attempts. Around 19 is when my psychosis really started with the people out to get me, still mania that I can really pinpoint, and then I think I leveled off around 23 but plumeted back to depression around 24, an then had some trauma. Now I'm 31 and still struggling to get help, and I can feel things in my head not working the way they did even 3 years ago. But I work full time, have 2 kids, a loving husband, and I fight it.
So, you're 19 and getting help. I would say you're on the right track and keep up with it and work hard at fighting it and you'll have a good life. It is possible to live and I wish everyday I had help when I was a kid because I didn't finish college, I gave up on myself, I was fighting this invisible monster and I had no idea what was wrong with me, why I wasn't the 13 year old Nobel prize winning author and why I always felt like an alien.
I'm glad you found help! Sorry this was long.
As for other experiences I know for a fact that around 8 years old I was terrified using the bathroom at home because I thought my classmates (3rd graders) had snuck into my home and installed a highly sophisticated surveilance system in my house so that they could make fun of me using the bathroom. I used to sit in there and pray that no one was watching me or laughing at me. Not normal.
12 is my first suicide attempt.
I can honestly say ages 15,16, and 17 I had a great deal of mania. I was a very hyper, over the top person who came out of a severly depressed child, still a sprinkling of suicidal attempts. Around 19 is when my psychosis really started with the people out to get me, still mania that I can really pinpoint, and then I think I leveled off around 23 but plumeted back to depression around 24, an then had some trauma. Now I'm 31 and still struggling to get help, and I can feel things in my head not working the way they did even 3 years ago. But I work full time, have 2 kids, a loving husband, and I fight it.
So, you're 19 and getting help. I would say you're on the right track and keep up with it and work hard at fighting it and you'll have a good life. It is possible to live and I wish everyday I had help when I was a kid because I didn't finish college, I gave up on myself, I was fighting this invisible monster and I had no idea what was wrong with me, why I wasn't the 13 year old Nobel prize winning author and why I always felt like an alien.
I'm glad you found help! Sorry this was long.
2 things i suppose are worth mentioning here
1. no one knows for sure whether it progresses towards the worse
2. every year new and potent drugs appear.
I read also many times that contrary to the belief that BP gets worse with age, but also the brain heals with time like any other organ. So don't give, just be on your regimen and watch out what is new. i refer you to
http://************.com/news/2009/09/30/bipolar-disorder-may-be-outgrown/8670.html
good luck
1. no one knows for sure whether it progresses towards the worse
2. every year new and potent drugs appear.
I read also many times that contrary to the belief that BP gets worse with age, but also the brain heals with time like any other organ. So don't give, just be on your regimen and watch out what is new. i refer you to
http://************.com/news/2009/09/30/bipolar-disorder-may-be-outgrown/8670.html
good luck
Speaking as the grieving parent of an adult child who has rejected his diagnosis and refused treatment for his bipolar disorder, I want to say how much I admire your thoughtful, straight-on approaches to what you are dealing with.
Hi there Stellarlunacy!
I am Bipolar I also and I know how you feel and what you may be going through. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 19 due to a severe manic/mixed episode which had me hospitialized for 2 and a half months. My doctors were able to pinpoint my illness exactly at the time as I have a family history of bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with major depression at 16 yet bipolar was diagnosed when I was 19 so really I only began medication/therapy treatment at the beginning of last year.
To answer some of your questions I would say the medication is a great help, I am on Anti-Psychotic medication, Valproate (mood stabilizer) and currently Venlafaxine (antidepressant). As you may know it is a bit of trial and error with meds but this is the cocktail which helps me, yours may be completely different. I also see my care co-ordinator once/twice a week depending how I am feeling. I also attend the day hospital and interact with other patients doing fun things like relaxation, sport, art, bipolar management etc. All of this does help me however the illness does get through now and again even while medicated, for example at this moment in time I have been feeling quite low, it is just something that the severity of Bipolar I offers.
It sounds like you have a very clear mind and want to help yourself which means it can be that little bit easier for you, when I was first diagnosed I didn't believe it, I didn't want to accept it, this made me depressed, I flushed my medication down the toilet to make myself feel as if there was nothing wrong with me but as time goes on you do accept that it is part of who you are. Anyway I hope you are able to move along in your journey to recovery and find which strategy works best for you, remember it may take time to find the right medication etc just be prepared and stick by it! and if you do feel yourself getting unwell contact your doctor straight away before things get out of hand, that would be my advice to progress with fighting the woes of bipolar!
Hope this helped! and any time you need to talk about anything just let me know! :]
I am Bipolar I also and I know how you feel and what you may be going through. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 19 due to a severe manic/mixed episode which had me hospitialized for 2 and a half months. My doctors were able to pinpoint my illness exactly at the time as I have a family history of bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with major depression at 16 yet bipolar was diagnosed when I was 19 so really I only began medication/therapy treatment at the beginning of last year.
To answer some of your questions I would say the medication is a great help, I am on Anti-Psychotic medication, Valproate (mood stabilizer) and currently Venlafaxine (antidepressant). As you may know it is a bit of trial and error with meds but this is the cocktail which helps me, yours may be completely different. I also see my care co-ordinator once/twice a week depending how I am feeling. I also attend the day hospital and interact with other patients doing fun things like relaxation, sport, art, bipolar management etc. All of this does help me however the illness does get through now and again even while medicated, for example at this moment in time I have been feeling quite low, it is just something that the severity of Bipolar I offers.
It sounds like you have a very clear mind and want to help yourself which means it can be that little bit easier for you, when I was first diagnosed I didn't believe it, I didn't want to accept it, this made me depressed, I flushed my medication down the toilet to make myself feel as if there was nothing wrong with me but as time goes on you do accept that it is part of who you are. Anyway I hope you are able to move along in your journey to recovery and find which strategy works best for you, remember it may take time to find the right medication etc just be prepared and stick by it! and if you do feel yourself getting unwell contact your doctor straight away before things get out of hand, that would be my advice to progress with fighting the woes of bipolar!
Hope this helped! and any time you need to talk about anything just let me know! :]
Not sure if this helps, just trying to be a friendly supportive voice.. I'm sorry your doctor told you that you are "the worst" she has seen. I hope she was just trying to drive her point home that it is a serious condition, but that could also be a potentially hurtful statement. In my opinion, the fact that you have been in therapy so consistently and are trying to learn more is evidence to the contrary! "The Worst" person with bipolar would be the one who doesn't have any concern for their own well being and doesn't take any steps to try to stay healthy.
Being aware and informed is a hugely important step. In addition to seeing the potential danger that may lie in the future, I also think you should commend yourself on your accomplishments. You are being responsible and intelligent in your approach to your illness.
As you will see from reading posts on this site, although we may have a similar condition, each person is different and is still an individual human being. Some people choose not to be on pharmaceutical medications, some do. Be open with your doctor and share the research you have done into medications. A good doctor should welcome an open discussion of potential benefits of each drug, side effects, timelines, and alternatives if the desired outcome is not achieved. People with bipolar disorder can still have very full lives, careers, relationships and families, just like anyone else. It may be a bit of a struggle sometimes, but every person has their own issues to deal with -- and not just people with bipolar!
Recently I came across the work done by Tom Wottoon on ************ and was pleasantly surprised by the level of insight shown by both his posts and the people commenting. Maybe it will provide you with some good reading: http://blogs.************.com/bipolar-advantage/author/tomw/
I find this one particularly interesting: "What Percent Of People With Bipolar Disorder Can Achieve Bipolar In Order?"
Anyway, just my two cents. Hope that helps.. Good luck to you!
Being aware and informed is a hugely important step. In addition to seeing the potential danger that may lie in the future, I also think you should commend yourself on your accomplishments. You are being responsible and intelligent in your approach to your illness.
As you will see from reading posts on this site, although we may have a similar condition, each person is different and is still an individual human being. Some people choose not to be on pharmaceutical medications, some do. Be open with your doctor and share the research you have done into medications. A good doctor should welcome an open discussion of potential benefits of each drug, side effects, timelines, and alternatives if the desired outcome is not achieved. People with bipolar disorder can still have very full lives, careers, relationships and families, just like anyone else. It may be a bit of a struggle sometimes, but every person has their own issues to deal with -- and not just people with bipolar!
Recently I came across the work done by Tom Wottoon on ************ and was pleasantly surprised by the level of insight shown by both his posts and the people commenting. Maybe it will provide you with some good reading: http://blogs.************.com/bipolar-advantage/author/tomw/
I find this one particularly interesting: "What Percent Of People With Bipolar Disorder Can Achieve Bipolar In Order?"
Anyway, just my two cents. Hope that helps.. Good luck to you!
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