Trying to find some closure

[cmulligan]

This is a completely unfair question to ask but one I can't get past. I lost a pet a few days ago and as I'm sure many pet owners do am having trouble with it. I am starting to be able to deal with the realuty but there is one thing I can not get past. Lucky was my cat for 12 years and was a very strong cat. the last few months he had developed chronic diahrea and the last month or so was losing weight and not eating as much. We were trying different antibiotics and steroids but they only helped slightly. We had blood work done several times and it was not abnormal except for a high white count. We decided to do a biopsy as the vet had moved from a diagnoses of IBD to cance and we just had to know what we were dealing with. During the biopsy the vet found a golf ball size tumor obstructing his lower bowel. Doctor said it would have been tricky but resecting was an option until he continued further up adn found teh pancreas "completely abnorma" and multiple bumps and spots on his liver.

[therese83]

Your cat was suffering.  Can you imagine how sick he felt.  You did the right thing.
I am sorry + I hope that you can remember the good times.  He is in peace.

[Savas]

The prognosis for successful treatment of liver/pancreatic cancer in felines is VERY low (I don't recall the exact statistic, but we're talking low teens to single digit numbers, if I recall correctly).

Problems with intestinal blockage from tumor, lack of understanding as to the underlying cause, lack of development of effective treatment methods...all these factors make successful treatment very difficult.

I hope this helps...and I am sorry for your loss.

[cmulligan]

he did love unconditionally and that is what I love the most. Everyday I came home to him all was right in the world, nothing else mattered, for him and me.

Thank you for your kind words.

[cmulligan]

it was during the biopsy that all this happened. We had no idea going into the biopsy that this would be the result although I suspected it was bad. This just happened Friday and I did not know at the time I made the decision if it was truly cancer but doctor said there was very little doubt. You are correct in that the Doctor thought the tumor was the primary and it had spread to the pancreas and liver. I still don't know the results of the biopsy and that is part of the difficulty.

I plan on going in to talk to the doctor but right now I am just not able. He was very thorough when he called problem was I was in shock and don't remember much of anything. I know he did everything he could and the decision was mine but I do want to talk to him when I think I can handle it better in hopes it will help.

I am a dad and what I really needed was to find others who have the same love and bond with their cats as I do. To know that there are others out there that have felt the loss of someone so close and been able to come to peace with it. It has helped me to write about this and talk to others who can understand so maybe I can find that peace.

Thank You

[zodiacqueen]

Thanks, sweetie.  Those cats deaths happened-Good God, about 8 yrs ago, but I would've done anything to have found out why!!!  Right now, I've got a 15 yr. old kitty that I worry about, although she's alright now.(knock on wood).

You really did do the right thing!!  You even went as far as to get the biopsy done to give yourself proof that it was cancer.  Is that what the lab results told you or am I jumping the gun?  You said the tumor was golf-ball sized, but you didn't say what the lab results were.  If this was a cancerous tumor that was that huge, then it was very likely to have already spread.  I am going to bet that it spread to the pancreas.  I am not a vet, I am in the medical field though!!  If you had gotten the tumor removed and used chemo, it might have bought your cat a few months, it wouldn't have cured him.  

You really gave your kitty the most unselfish gift of all, an end to his suffering.  STOP second-guessing yourself-was your cat happy?  did he have any joy to his life anymore?  And, he wasn't eating!!  Ask yourself these things, when(God forbid) this happens again!!  These are the questions I ask myself when I wonder what to do about my cats.  

You sound like a wonderful, caring mom or dad(can't tell what you are!-LOL).  Your other babies are lucky to have you.

If you have unanswered questions that any of us couldn't help you with, call your vet get him to explain-LORD knows it sounds like you spent enough bucks.  He owes you more of an explanation.  You deserve the answers, if it would make you feel better!

Hugs!!!

[suzi-q]

Your vet gave you the answer and you took his guidance.  I know the guilt that you are feeling associated with the decision of "taking a life".  You will question yourself for a while and then one day find peace with your decision.  

Lucky had cancer and was terminal.  You made the right and selfless decision about letting him go.  Having him linger would have been a very selfish thing to do.

I know how hard it is to lose a pet and especially when making that hard decision.  They love us and trust us unconditionally and we question ourselves over and over again.  Trust me, you made the right decision.  You felt it in your heart that you had to let him go.  As Jaybay once put it, you gave him the "final reward"...there is no more suffering and now he is at peace...I hope you find that peace soon, also.

[cmulligan]

I am sorry to here about your two kitty's and I understand what you mean about not knowing. This is my second cat lost, I have four more and right now my regret is that I didn't give him a fair chance. I keep thinking what if he wasn't ready and I should have at least tried to have the tumor removed to see how he responded.

I didn't want him to suffer so I hope I did the right thing but if I did make a mistake I don't want to make it again and even though it would hurt to find out I could have done more I need to know.

[cmulligan]

I posted this earlier and realized I cut about half of this out and wanted to re post

This is a completely unfair question to ask but one I can't get past and need to fond some closure. I lost a pet a few days ago and as I'm sure many pet owners do am having trouble with it. I am starting to be able to deal with the reality but there is one thing I can not get past. Lucky was my cat for 12 years and was a very strong cat. The last few months he had developed chronic diarrhea and the last month or so was losing weight and not eating much. We were trying different antibiotics and steroids but they only helped slightly. We had blood work done several times and it was not abnormal except for a high white count. We decided to do a biopsy as the vet was concerned about the possibility of cancer and we just had to know what we were dealing with. During the biopsy the vet found a golf ball size tumor obstructing his lower bowel. Doctor said it would have been tricky but resecting was an option until he continued further up and found the pancreas "completely abnormal" and numerous bumps and spots on his liver. Doctor called me at this time and said there was no surgical option and there was very little that could be done for him. He said Lucky was under general anesthesia and comfortable and suggested we end his suffering and let him go. This was the decision I made.

I am not in any way a medical expert and I was so distraught I did not ask the doctor for specifics like what is an abnormal pancreas. There is no blame to be placed and it was my decision to end it when I did but I wonder if I didn’t give him the chance to live. I don’t want to here I did the right thing just for the sake of hearing it. I have four other cats 2 of which are 15 yrs old and now I wonder what is right and could I make that decision again. Above all I didn’t want Lucky to suffer and lead a life of misery just so I could be with him more. I know it’s hard to answer this question without knowing the specific situation but I was hoping a veterinarian would have a similar situation and be able to give me a realistic estimation of what his prognosis was if I had the tumor removed.

I am so afraid right now that I can not make the correct decision for my other cats. I know each case is individual and unique but the only way I can deal with this is to get some closure to this question even if the answer is painful, I have to know.
  

[zodiacqueen]

Hi, what a horrible situation!!  I know exactly what you're going through.  I've lost 2 cats w/out knowing the reason.  One of them was a 3 yr old cat that was indoor/outdoor and was found dead laying on a neighbor's porch.  The second, was diagnosed with over-active thyroid, and stayed overnight at the vets.  The vet said that it was not life threatening, but we got a call the next day that she died.  I wish my family had gotten an autopsy-because I wanted the reason.  That would've made me feel better-I like explanations.  Be happy, that at least, you KNOW the reason for your baby's death.  That would've made things sooo much easier for me to deal with my cats' death.

What kind of closure are you looking for?  Are you feeling guilty that you didn't catch it soon enough?  I'm just making a guess.  Trust me, I've felt guilty so many times.  Usually, when cats start showing symptoms, the problem has gotten really bad.  I have wished so many times that cats could speak and tell us that they're feeling bad, and we'd be able to catch conditions in their early stages.  THEN we'd be able to save them.  UUGGGHHH-Lord, I wish they could talk!!!

Please, take comfort that you've got an explanation on the cause of your baby's death.  The deaths of my 2 kittys will forever haunt me because I have no idea of the cause.

Hugs
zodiacqueen