Dr ? / Venting about friends :(

[Rahe28]

Does anyone know anything about Dr. John Walsh in Louisiana? Just curious..I am so far happy with the info I found..just wondering if anyone else has heard of him.

For the last couple of weeks...I have been trying to help my friends understand that I just cant promise them that I will be at the parade, or that I will make a dance review out of town, or that traveling two hours away or watching children other than my own. is just not possible right now. My 3 friends that are lifelong (some 20 years some 28)
pretty much get it, though one of them has just found out ( ididnt want to trouble her. She is bipolar and just getting her meds stratened out), and I have another friend that I became close with over the last few months, last night she called to tell me that she needed me to watch her 2 kids (5 and3, one with adhd) and I told her that if it was an absolute emergency then I would, but I told her how terrible I was feeling and she is actually the one that helped me find this site, but I dont think she truely understands my limits right now, Because I LOOK fine. She is offended that I havent been hanging out or picking up her little girl form school(shes in the same class as my son). I am just not sure how to handle this. I have a great support team, my husband , my kids, and my family and very close friends have ALL done research so that they can better understand. I even caught hubby looking through my posts on here. Once he saw how many of us suffer the way we do, all he could do was say sorry my love, I jsut didnt realize. I am saddened that my friend does expect me to invite her over and her kids to do projects and such during the day, I jsut cant right now. I spend most of my days on my couch or just rying to get the neccesities done.

Any idea how to handle this...I dont want to hurt her, but I just have to tell her soemthing...to maybe help her understand...I cant ..I just cant.

[deadmemory]

Wow, I loved the spoon theory!! What an amazing way to put things into perspective for someone who isn't sick who is trying to understand what a sick person is going through!! Thanks for sharing!!! I will need to bookmark that as well :)

Krystal

[Rahe28]

I loved the spoon theory! What  an awesome use of spoons..lol. I had to bookmark that one !

[DANI0103]

I think the best way to explain how we feel is explaining thru the spoon theory, by Christine Miserandino.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/.
A lot of my family members got the anology, even tho not everyone gets it one friend understanding is better than none of them understanding.
hope it helps.
-dani

[irislita]

Yes better stay away from her...sounds horrible.just cant stand persons like that...

[Rahe28]

I agree with all of you. I seriously doubt that she would read anything here, and I am also not sure that I really want to. As I have said a thousand times, I have those 3 friends for a reason...Good ones..best ones, are rare. They all know me so well, and vice versa. They are the ones that if I called  them and said, I have to go to the er at 3 int he morning would drive an hour to get her and watch my babies or come pack my bags. That is the kind of relationship I have with them, even thought they may not know where everything is, I wouldnt trust anyone else to come pack my undies..lol. I do have good ones, and I have been very blessed with them and my family. Most of them live at least an hour away, so when I met this girl, I was excitedc to have a friend nearby, but I think I just need to keep her at arms length right now. I am not upset with her, she just doesnt get it very well. Last night she called and started complaining about her HA....it was everything I could do not just fly off the handle. I told her I said well, triple your HA, and keep it for a week...and that is maybe close to how I feel all the time. I know I shouldnt have, I just couldnt take any more of her complaining. I need support right now, and I jsut dont have the energy to be someone elses support system. I am sympathetic to her, but I dont like when she has this comparing contest...IT just DRIVES me nuts, please dont try to compare our pain....everyone is different and feels pain deffierently, and I am not saying that she doesnt hurt, but please dont compare, or ask me howw I feeel and then when I tell you, say me too...I do that all the time. Every symptom I tell her I have, within two days she says she has the same thing. Like my legs shaking and feeling sooooo heavy and falling in the shower. Two days ago she told me her legs were hurting so bad and she fell in the shower. I mean REALLY?? I just dont need someome like that in my life right now. She is def. an aquantince in my book. Thank you all soooo much for letting me yell and vent. I just know that at one point in time, you all have probably dealt with this.
Heres to feeling better today. (or at least hoping to)

[jenshead]

A lot of people can't handle all the med speak, and I wouldn't expect anyone short of a very best friend to go on here and read things, but you can still get your point across.  Honestly I don't want anyone short of a very best friend to completely understand my situation, but that's me.

I think you can say some of the same things you just did though.  Tell her you know you don't look sick, but you are.  And if you watch her children when you are already feeling bad, maybe you will end up feeling bad all week!  You could even later offer to watch her kids when you do feel well, though obviously it would have to be very spontaneous...can't exactly plan when we'll feel good.

Ultimately if it becomes a real problem, well...some people just can't be that kind of friend!  Fortunately it sounds like you do have some that are very good.  

[selmaS]

  Well.....lol....when I woke up in the recovery room, I had a turbin of ace bandages wrapped around my head...mayb we have to wrap our heads up like that???

  It is so sad, but sometimes I feel it would be better if my hair didn't grow back, so they could see the dang scar....lol...and it is so true, we push thru and I think they keep expecting us to....

   cash said it well, we have to set our boundaries...

[cash242]

This has been one of my biggest problems,and I have decided that the friends that understand are the ones that I continue to really be friends with and the others are just acquaintences. I have a friend that I have been close to for 35 years and no matter what she is clueless so I just quit doing things with her.  My coworkers are much more sympathetic as they see me everyday but still I have become a very good actress as I think we all push through the pain as it defines us,  I think we are all different but I lost sleep over friends and family I have a sister in law that is the most clueless person ever.  It is hard but I stick to those that understand because chiari isnt going away and we have to set our boundaries or we pay for it.  Good luck

[Rahe28]

Thanks Selma, I really apprecaite it. I am rambling tonight badly. Ugh. Your right, all I can do, is what I can do, and that is just the bottom line. I have to start making it a point of saying no. I am bad with that one. I agree that if our legs were in a cast that it would be muich different...wonder how we could make a "brain " cast...LOL (J/k) ..that way they could "see" it. :)

[selmaS]

  This is one of the biggest problems, if we had our leg in a cast it would be more obvious as to something was wrong....and even tho it is explained, that does not mean they will absorb and really understand....

What u could do, is invite her to join here as well...family and friends can use this site too....and I know many do not want to share certain issues or feelings with them, but they do need to know...and how better, then to see all of us saying the same things.

And it continues even after surgery....my sister wonders y I do this or feel that way....sigh, it is 2 1/2 yrs since my surgery, really? ugh

But, people for the most part hear so much, then turn the rest of the info off....as they do not want to hear negative things and they have their own problems .....

It is also easier for them to continue to consider u in the same light they always have...nothing changes...so all is alright.

This is more common for our DH as they want to "fix" things for us and can't ....but close friends can feel the same way, but not know how to express it, or just feel guilty and do not want to....what ever the reason....

U can talk until u r blue in the face, and that does not mean it will sink in...u heard the saying, u can lead a horse to water, but u can not make him drink, this applies.

  All u can do, is say no when u can not participate....and if they have a problem, then they r not a true friend......

    "selma"