As It Draws Near...

[xmelax35]

As the date draws near, I am a HUGE bundle of nerves. I have all kinds of feelings flowing through me that I didn't have with my first surgery. With my first one, I was nervous of course (and afterward I see there was a reason to be there), but I didn't have all these other feelings.


I am nervous, scared, heart racing even more bc I am anxious, excited - because I want it hear already (in which Weds would be my original surgery date, if I wouldn't have rescheduled it).  I am cranky, lashing out at everyone, I am crying a lot at stuff on tv and if someone says something the wrong way to me.  Time went by fast until about 3 days ago and now it seems to be dragging.


With all that I should be concerned about with my surgery itself and my well being, I am more worried at this point and focusing too much on what will be going on at home.  I will be very very worried about my son (however in a way I think staying with my sister a good bit will do him some good - my niece can make sure he does his homework on time.  I worry that our house will get robbed (broken into) while I am gone. I know our possessions can be replaced, but our animals cannot be. I am afraid they will get out or someone will hurt them if we are robbed (a lot of robberies in this town in the last 6 months - years ago it was a nice place to live). I worry that when my mom or step-daughter let the dogs out they will run off or hurt the cats we are feeding outside (Idk how they find our house - guess word gets around with the cat world that we are nice people and won't let them starve), and worried that our own cats will get outside somehow while they are letting them out.  Worried that my hamster will die while I am gone or my mom's cats will get to the cage somehow.  

See how much I am worried about the closer it gets to my surgery, closer it gets time for us to leave to be there.
I am having a crappy sleep every night the last 4 or more nights.  I am just one bundle of everything!

I just don't know how to stop thinking about that stuff though...well until I am in surgery and recovering, I am sure my mind won't be so much on that stuff.

[selmaS]

  Know we will all be with u in spirit and keep u in our prayer <3

[xmelax35]

p.s. I am off here for the week, I think. I am feeling really bad today and from today out I have a ton of stuff I need to get done before the long trip. :)

[xmelax35]

Yeh that would be a good idea! :)

[selmaS]

  Monopoly is a good word in that Chiari has a monopoly on our lives....

  Sounds good, maybe we can create the Chiari Monopoly version !!!

   what do u think?

[xmelax35]

Also, Sheri817, I know what you mean. I have so much to do and it seems like I keep putting it off. I think because I have been feeling so sick, nerves, headaches, and my heart racing/blood pressure has been making me feel week too.  I have a ton to do before we leave.  Too much going on this weekend to even do it. Gotta take my son shopping for new clothes before I go and my step-daughter is coming in town (she moved away) and so much more.  I leave on the 10th or 11th, because I have my physical on the 12th there and see Dr. R and gotta go to the hospital that day to talk to the anestheiologist and pay the hospital.

[xmelax35]

Thank you all so much! I can see you do know how I am feeling. Definitely a strange feeling and worry.  My husband says I need to worry about me first hand. I do and I worry about them at the same time.  I guess I should worry because what if there is some kind of hidden problems (heart, etc...). Plus he said it was going to be a tight squeeze and have to go in and under (long story where he said). Just a complicated one.

Anyway, I will have him try. I don't know if he will remember, lol. However, how about Monopoly? He will remember that word, because I love monopoly games and I started collecting them.  

[linnielou232]

I feel your fear, and your worry about your animal's.  I am sure your animals will be o.k. and people that love you will watch over them for you. I don't know why you have to head into surgery again, but I had to go through it 4 times in all and what helped me the 2nd time around was.  You really don't have a choice in the matter.  I have to also reasurre you it's not as bad the 2nd time around.  Everything will work out for the best for you.  I have you and your little ones in my prayer's.  Have a little faith and you will see everything will go as planned.  I love the secret code idea Selma has set up.  Looking forward to hearing from you and I know you will do well.  Best of luck

[selmaS]

  U may be under estimating ur kids too, they may know who takes care of them, and they will see who needs help and may do so with out all the force from dear ole dad....sometimes they surprise us.Usually when we least expect it......

  My sister has boys in the same situation, she did and does everything, and is divorced....but, when she is in need and thinks she is all alone, her boys pick up the slack!

  I tell many to get a few one dish casseroles frozen the week or so b4 surgery so u have some easy meals the first week or 2.....

  U may want to make that a group effort....ask for suggestions and some hands to help...give them a nudge....


   "selma"

[Sheri817]

I know exactly how you feel, my surgery is in 6 days and I am going nuts! I worry about my kids who are18,12 & 10....i know, i know, they are old enuf to pretty much take care of themselves!  BUT, I have been a stay at home mom for the whole 18 yrs, so they are a lil spoiled! I have always been the caretaker and my dear hubby has been the bread winner. I have always been the mom who takes them here and there and picks up the friends and all the friends come to our house. My hubby has no idea what he is in for..lol..not only that, but when he is stressed he seems to be really hard on them...you know, the "do this, do that" type of person. He means well, by trying to make them do their part which i totally agree with, but I've always done most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, etc and they are not used to having to do that much. My fault, I should have cracked the whip a long time ago! But, now I worry that he is gunna be too hard on them. I also have 4 dogs that I worry will get forgotten about during all of this. All this stress is bringing on the HA's and there is soo much I need to do before my surgery but just can't seem to get around to it because of the HA's and because I can't seem to stay awake long enuf to get anything done! I guess it will all get worked out one way or the other, but it sure is hard to stay calm and let someone else do your job...well, good luck to you and I hope and pray that everything goes well for you..just wanted you to know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling right now!

Sheri

[selmaS]

  U know too much this time around and r over thinking it all, u were not able to do that the first time as u did not have previous experience to consider, now u do....

  Still, try to relax, and I want a secret code...a word or phrase that u will tell ur DH to post here so we all know u r ok.....so, think of something, and let us know...do not say nething to ur DH except he has to post a message u give him from the recovery room...lol.....


  Will u do that?

    "selma"

[xmelax35]

Thank you both! I appreciate the tips and the sweet things you both said.  Our boys are getting fixed tomorrow, we have to drop them off tonight (kittens). We have a feeling they will feel like we are abondoning them.  We are getting it done just in the nick of time so we are with them during their recovery period before we leave.   As sensitive as I have been (besides some crankiness) lately, I am sure I will be crying up a storm after we drop them off. Mama - the mother cat - we actually named her Mama, lol, she will probably think we are taking her babies away from her. It is heartbreaking.  

Anyway, I really do worry about them. I am hoping my step-daughter stays here for hours at a time. Hopefully on the weekend she will stay for hours too.

I take Lunesta to sleep at night - because of insomnia. Well, even though I take it lately, it takes me hours to get to sleep! It is crazy! My nerves are shot about surgery and the anxiety.  I feel sick (this time because of the nerves).  So weird that I was not like this for my first surgery.

[irislita]

Selma has great ideas always.just let me tell u the time before surgery is nerve consuming.i cried A lot because u fear the unknown...its so sweet u worry about ur animals...but i am sure everything will be fine...let ur thoughts and feelings out here.we understand u

[selmaS]

  Let me pass along a few tips from my warden (DH) for what he did when he had to leave me alone...first, I slept in a recliner in the living room I did not like being flat in a bed right away and my DH thrashes and I was afraid he would hit me in his sleep...so I was more comfortable and it also allowed him to sleep too.

When he left in the AM he packed a cooler with items for me for breakfast, yogurt, fruit, juice...and he had a mid day snack..jello...etc...and a sandwich for lunch...using a walker u can not carry items back and forth, this put everything where I could reach it...on a chiar right next to my recliner...bottled water...it was perfect....

  He also got me those pill organizers with days of the week and times on it so he could put my pills inside and all I had to do was read the sheet as to when I had to take them cross it off, if I forgot, I could see it was gone....this was to prevent me taking it twice....

My DH was very protective and organized, but it all worked really well.

He would call and check on me.....and like u, I would rather be alone then with others that have no idea what is going on or that would keep asking so how r u doing...ugh....u just need to sleep at that point....

  Take deep breaths.....

    "selma"

[xmelax35]

That is a good idea and they were okay the last time but we have an added addition to our animals this time.  Plus it was only for a few days when we went to the out of town appts.  For my surgery I didn't have any animals then and we lived with my mom it was right after the first surgery I moved in w/my now husband, finishing out my recovery at his/our house.  

am just staying home with my husband and not going to their house after the surgery.  They all have to work and plus if I go to my mom's I would have to scream! She will drive me up a wall! We don't get a long for long periods of time. She says she understands but then I hear things from her and she has NO IDEA.  I just can't handle that. So I would rather be home with my husband and son.  As soon as I get back, he has to go right back to work though. So I will be by myself all day pretty much until he gets home from work. I am sure it will be fine.  Yes, it is the 14th. I have the pre-op appt on the 12th.

[selmaS]

  Hi, this is all normal and  very typical for u to feel this way....btw, how did the animals fair the last time?...were they all accounted for?

When we r used to taking charge of our own lives it is  not easy to place it in someone elses hands....

Just think about the last time, the animals were all ok, they will be again, ask a neighbor u can trust to also keep an eye on the house....use timers to have lights come on at odd times so it looks like some one is there and the random lights will not look so staged.In fact when ur mom is there she can move the timers to different lights so they do not go on at the same time each night....

  Are u going to ur mom or ur sister's post op?

  It is understandable that this may feel like ur first surgery...just in how u r feeling just b4, but u have been thru so much this far, it is no wonder.

  what is ur surgery date again? March 14th?  Is that right?

    "selma"