11 Year Old Afraid to Sleep Alone

[KAM006]

My eleven year old son is afraid to sleep by himself. Up until last month he slept with us, his parents. Since school has started, we have him sleeping with his eight year old sister who is constantly complaining and not wanting him to sleep with her. He seems to have some fear about sleeping alone. We have tried nightlights, sleeping with the dog, etc. but nothing seems to work.

Also, he is always tired, he has indicated to us. We get him to bed by 9:00 p.m., with him falling asleep by 9:30 p.m. but he has to wake up by 6:30 p.m. We cannot seem to get him to bed any earlier.

However, our greatest problem is that he is extremely fearful of sleeping alone. What are your suggestions.

Also, do they make a children's sleep pill? He is restless throughout much of his sleep.

Thank you.

[dolly510]

My daughter is 11 years old and I, mom made a huge mistake about 2 weeks ago to let her watch Paranormal Activity 2. She insisted and I gave in and we watched it together. I know, I am a terrible mother and am not ususally this giving but she seemed so confidant and insisted that all her friends have watched it...Now, she is completely terrified of any space that I am not in, thinks any slightly coincidental happenings like a sound in the chimney is due to some evil spirit. I have a really strong faith in God and we pray every night and that has not helped one bit. Her faith in God seems so affected right now and would not step into her room without me being present. I will be patient and sooth her until she is ready to understand that it was all a hoax and that it was just a movie. Anybody else has any other advice? Thanks,

[prettyckh]

I don't know if you have any children but I feel like you don't have any or your children don't have problem with sleeping. I want  the solution because my son wants to be better not just because I don't like to sleep with him. It is hard for everyone when they can't sleep. My son just begged me to talk to the doctors because he can't cope with fear everyday. If just sleeping with your kid was solution, I would've done that. So Please don't say like we are being mean or can't be bothered.

[sleepy21]

My son now almost 11 has not slept throught the night since he could climb out of his crib at 2.5 years old.  He never slept with me as a baby until he started with the night terrors.  He is ADHD and takes Kapvay at night which helps him relax but he always wakes up in the middle of the night.  Like everyone else here, he sleeps fine in my bed.  His Dad and I are no longer together so at his Dad's house his sleeps with him.  He is a restless sleeper and he is too hard to sleep with and I feel he is just getting too old to continue this habit. I have tried in the past and present: aquariums, radio, relaxation cd's, the dog sleeping with him, my latest attempt was a tv so if he woke he could watch something he had on DVR to avoid seeing any scary movie previews, I should him how his window is locked and i got a alarm system installed and showed him how it works..  The tv worked for about 2 weeks and here we are again with the same problem.  We also tried a therapist, which did not work either.  I have tried tough love but he stays up all night and actually misses school then.  Has anyone on here found something that works even a few nights a week??

[galby72]

thanks for giving us mothers the childs perspective on this horrible sleep condition, my daughter is 11 and for months and months now has always become very anxious at night time and will only fall asleep if she knows im in the nearby room and watching tv, a few hours later she will wake and become petrified of "being all alone" and sleep the rest of the night on the couch in the loungeroom right near our bedroom, she can fall asleep just knowoing we are close by, ive tried everything she is now seeing a phschologist. She has severe anxiety, maybe even depression im not sure. Tonight she got into a real state and refused to go to her room so i gave in and she is on a matress in our room next to my bed, she was asleep in 2 mins, she also refuses to go to her school camp in 6 months time....

[Angelfaces]

I am the mother of an adopted 10 year old daughter for over 8 years she has had these night terrors of "yellow people."  Her story of her night terrors has progressed over the years and I have figured out her mental illness worsens when the "yellow people" are after her.  Sometimes she is so terrified and tells me her story that she literally falls asleep and needs to shut herself down because her fear is so real.  In reality, and during the daytime, I have noticed that when there was a code red at the school all the children panicked but not my daughter she immediately hid in a private area with all her classmates and fell asleep to disassociate herself from the world.  She told me when there was an "all clear" that she knew those "yellow people" were there trying to find here.  It was a bad scene outside within a 5 mile radius but it also had nothing to do with my daughter.

She will describe in detail some horrible acts in full detail of what these "yellow people" are doing and their plans.  In my opinion, this is all part of her severe mental illness and an internal expression of her inner most fears and thoughts.  I have later discovered that she is constantly in the fight or flight part of her brain with feelings of trying to exist in life.  She is safe, however, in her mind, there is always something there that makes her safety net disappear.  

I have never slept with my children but when they were ill I have slept in a bed next to theirs in the hospitals.  I always check on my children during the evening especially this child as she wraps her head with heavy blankets due to her fear.  Sometimes I go to bed around 3 a.m. so I can unwrap her head at least 3 times before I can rest.  She tells me she covers her head thinking that if the "yellow people" come when she is sleeping they will not find her.  I read stories to heal my children of their fears right before bed and we discuss ways to control our dreams to make them go away.  We really can control our dreams and change the direction if we really wanted to, just try it.  This process seems to be temporary in my child so she wants me to help her feel safe over and over again.  I can get pretty creative in making her "yellow people" go away.

The first step is identifying and acknowledging the problem, give it a name.  Once the child has a name for "it," the parents can begin to help their child to heal by finding creative ways of making it go away so the child can begin to feel safe.

[wanttosleep162]

Hi - I know you posted a long time ago about your older child sleeping with you - and I was just wondering if you ever found a solution?  We have an 11 year old boy who comes in every night at about 1:30 am.  When he has friends sleep over, he is fine - and won't come to our bed.  He says he just needs a human around....Would love to hear you don't have this problem any more.  He has done this all his life...Thanks!