11 Year Old Afraid to Sleep Alone

[KAM006]

My eleven year old son is afraid to sleep by himself. Up until last month he slept with us, his parents. Since school has started, we have him sleeping with his eight year old sister who is constantly complaining and not wanting him to sleep with her. He seems to have some fear about sleeping alone. We have tried nightlights, sleeping with the dog, etc. but nothing seems to work.

Also, he is always tired, he has indicated to us. We get him to bed by 9:00 p.m., with him falling asleep by 9:30 p.m. but he has to wake up by 6:30 p.m. We cannot seem to get him to bed any earlier.

However, our greatest problem is that he is extremely fearful of sleeping alone. What are your suggestions.

Also, do they make a children's sleep pill? He is restless throughout much of his sleep.

Thank you.

[Synchr0nized]

I was just browsing the internet, and I came across this. I'm going to bookmark it to see the replies I get. My name is Zak du Plessis, and I'm 12 going on 13 in March. I have absolutely no problem sleeping on my own, but my brother does. He is around 9 and I always tell my parents that he's better off sleeping in his own bedroom.

My parents were much more strict on me and my sister than him and my baby brother, and both my younger brothers live a more unhealthy lifestyle than me and my sister. They play very little sport, don't engage in exercise very often and spend their days watching TV before and after school. My 9 year old brother is starting to get a little overweight, he weighs round-a-bout 5 kilograms less than me, and I'm a completely healthy 12 year old (BMI of 19). When I was about his age I was at early 30s, not hitting 40kg!

This leads me to believe that a lot of your children have unbalanced lifestyles, or a mental sickness. It's fine to go sleep with your parents after watching a 16+ horror movie, but if you think you'll be scared for months after watching them, don't. I found it perfectly acceptable to go sleep with my parents after watching The Eye, or Paranormal Activity, but I think it is completely unnacceptable when a child sleeps with their parents 90% of the time.

Also, I tend to watch movies and play games completely out of my age restriction, and I think I have matured more in distinguishing between reality and fiction than children with over-protective parents. So to be honest, I think this problem (or phobia, as you might think it is) is all down to parenting.

[MyBellaJack]

I feel for you.  Our son is the same and it's taking a toll on us too.  He says he just doesn't like to be alone.  At one point, he says he is seeing dark shadows and these shadows are talking to him.  I had him see a psychiatrist and he prescribed melatonin and he didn't see anything wrong with him mentally, just that he doesn't like to sleep alone.  

All in all the psychiatrist said drugs or no drugs, he eventually has to learn to cope with being alone.  We have a 4-1/2 year old daughter that can't sleep because my son keeps sleeping in her bed, so we have two cranky children during the day.  She sleeps just fine on her own and has learned to cope with sleeping by herself.  

My son has now tried to get our family dog to sleep with him but insists that our BIG dog sleep in bed with him.  Unfortunately dogs move around.  When our dog moves, my son wakes up.  No win situation.  My husband and I are tired and cranky as well.  We have seen at least 4 therapist since the psychiatrist.  

My husband and I just refuse to give in and sleep with our son.  It is a step back.  Eventually kids will learn to cope.  Unfortunately it'll cost sleepless nights for us.  At times, I just give in and have him sleep in our bed, but he fidgets and I am a very light sleeper.  

RESTLESS in CHICAGO

[fynnsta]

my girlfriend's son is 10 years old and they sleep together.  he can sleep on his own, and does when friends are around or if she stays up, which is irregular.  is this wrong?  she wont stay up to talk or watch tv or be an adult.  she goes to bed at 9pm and then i have to sleep in his room.  is this normal?  he doesnt have depression or anxiety because he can sleep by himself and does at his father's house.  i find this weird.

[lilbritt97]

hi. im 14,
   i used to have the exact same problem when i was ten and now my little sister has it (she is 10). its the worst feeling ever. ur alone, and there is evil in the world. and to this day ( i feel so bad saying this) but to this day i have to say "no" to every friend that invites me to go see a scary movie bc i know i will only be back at square one. idk what it is but there is something about the dark that freaked me out when i was 10. what really sucked was that my bed was right under my window so i would constantly have a tindancy to look up throught the blinds and imagine a face looking down at me. it sometimes happens NOW. eeek! i would run out of my room ( covering my ears?) and what oonly made it worst was when i lef my room thwre were HUGE windows coviring ever wall! so i would pull my blanket over my head and run downstairs to my parents room and go to sleep. but i have grown out oof that, what i do now is find a comfortablr possision (bc i got a new matress) and fall asleeep. at this second i am sitting in the room that i had to pass everynight to get to my parents room, its night, and there are windows every where but i have the least bit of fear. although i still to this day imaagine faces in windows:( o welll.... good luck parents

[lacksleep]

My twelve year old was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) about two years ago and his sleeping problems seem to be getting worse.
He wakes me every night and the solution has been for him to get into bed with my husband, while I get into his bed.
We are trying a reward chart; he gets a star for every night he stays in his bed. He needs to get five stars in one week to get a "prize". And I have put an "emergency mattress" on the floor in my room.
It's not working.
Last night I lost my temper because I'm sooo tired, and now I feel awful, because he's really sorry and says he can't help it. I know he can't help it, but I'm constantly trying to "fix it". I'm beginning to think this attitude does more harm than good.
I'm thinking we should just ride it out like some of the other posts suggest, wait for hormones to kick in, and I'm pretty confident he will choose when he's ready to sleep on his own.
Thoughts?????

[singlemompr]

I'm almost at a desperate point with my son who is 10 and will 11 in december.  My son is a big boy (physically), 5'1 tall, 155lbs, but still a pre-adolescent in mind, less mature than other kids his age but he's a sweetheart.  He was diagnosed with combined ADHD but fortunately we have been able to manage it with conduct modification not for negative behavior but yes for hyperactivity.  No medication due to a heart condition which can be affected if he took meds.  He always managed to sleep in his bed which was one of those car beds.  Sometimes he did sneak into my bed or would request to sleep over my mom's who lives across the street from me (he sleeps with her).  It wasn't an issue because he was sleeping the majority of the time in his own bed.  Because he is growing up quite fast physically and sleeping in the car bed looked like it was starting to get uncomfortable for him, in march of this year, I purchased him a new bedroom set, full size oak wood bed, a chest, computer table for his computer, made his room look really nice, a big boy room.  Even changed the wall color to all white with the exception of a wall which I painted a light blue color, as I was told that color you choose for your childs room is important, light blue was highly recommended so I did it.  At first he slept in his room for a couple of nights but would get up in the middle of the night, go to my room to stand by my bed and complain that he could not fall back asleep, that he had had a bad dream.  So at first I would let him continue the night beside me.  He also started to sleep over often at my mom's.  When he sleeps with either one of us, he seems to sleep quite well but if he's left to sleep by himself, he will always get up in the middle of the night.  First it was the nightmare excuse.  We are active christians, my son is child of much faith, he really has a good understanding and conviction of who God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is.  He is aware that nothing can harm him while we are under God's protection.    Then the nightmare excused stopped and it was "just because" when I ask why he couldn't fall back to sleep.  I asked if he's afraid of something or if he's seeing or hearing things, he says no.  When I ask him why he can't seem to fall back asleep once he awakes in the middle of the night, he says he does not know.  For a short time I figured it could be that there was nothing really wrong and he just got used to sleeping with either one of us since he got the new bedroom set.  I decided it was time that he continue to go back to sleeping in his bed, plus, although I have a queen size bed, my son is a jittery sleeper and I'm a light sleeper so I awake easily, making it so difficult to go back to sleep and then difficult to wake in the morning to start our daily routine of school and work.  My mom also tried to be strong and talk him out of sleeping over, giving him all the reasons why he should be sleeping in his own bed and by not letting him sleep over unless it was necessary (if I had a meeting and was getting home late, etc.) I am getting very tired of this because if he sleeps in his room, he will always get up in the middle of the night to beg me to let him sleep in my bed, I have gotten up with him, taken him to bed, prayed with him, stayed until he fell asleep and go back to my bed but he eventually gets up again.  His big sister's room is right in front of his, we don't sleep with the room doors closed (I have a small cozy 3bdrm home) so it's not like he's in one side of the house and me or his sister are at another.  Our rooms are very very close to one another's.  I feel exhausted and at the same time I feel horrible because I don't want to seem like I'm being mean to him when I have made go back to his bed, sometimes almost crying.  He eventually comes back and then I let him sleep with me but I get so angry cause I'm tired, sleepy and it's just getting out of hand.  No dad to assist me, his father and I divorced 8 yrs ago and it's not something I can  ask his dad help for since he rarely comes to pick him and his sis up or call. I made an appt with his psychiatrist, let's see what light she can shed our way... Keep us in your prayers....