3 1/2 year old withdraws socially

[jkrehbiel23]

My son will be 4 in June.  His Dad and I divorced when he was a baby and he doesn't adapt well to change.  I am concened about his behavior in social environments.  I spoke with his preschool teacher today and she said when all of the kids go outside to play, my son just wanders around looking at the ground, not interacting with anyone. He goes to preschool twice a week. When we go to the park, he sits back and observes for a while before he will go play.  If another child goes in the area that he is playing in, he will go somewhere else.  He will play fine if he is with another child that he knows.  I take him to a playcenter everyweek to meet his cousin (the same age) and if we get there before his cousin does, he will wait to go play in the playcenter until his cousin arrives.  Once he is there, he does great.  I just don't understand this behavior.  Is there something developmentally wrong with him?

[lrussell]

My daughter will be 3 in the summer and she was exactly the same way.  She hated going to busy malls, restaurants or even play centres if they were busy.  I put her in Montessori school 5 days a week for 2.5 hrs a day.  It took her classmates a week to adjust, and her several months.  The Montessori teaching approach is very independent, so the kids get to play together or alone.  When they play alone, they become more confident in their own abilities and then warm up to the other kids by showing them what they learned.  That process makes them feel great about themselves!  It has been through regular, daily school interaction that my daughter has adapted to new places, people and situations.  She still is a lot more sensitive and shy than most kids....but it has helped a lot.  Maybe a preschool environment isn't working for him because so much effort is placed on group play.  I hope this helps you.  

[RockRose]

He is shy,  and a bit reserved.  This is kind of a new thing,  that parents and preschool teachers and public school teachers expect everyone to be the same.  They aren't.

Some kids are loud and run around bouncing up and down all day,  some kids take a long time to warm up and would rather be in quieter places.  These are different kids,  no one is wrong or bad.  Some kids are loud some kids are quiet.  

Adults have his same variety in their sociability - and no one writes them up and demands they change their preferences - we all know adults who are big "joiners",  and adults who are quiet and enjoy the company of a few friends.  

"Reserved" is okay.  Enjoy him.