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3 yr old Behavior Normal or Not
My 3 year old son can be so sweet and loving one minute and then if he is told to do something he does not want to do and told not to do he turns into an outrage. (crying, yelling, hitting, throwing something, making noises) it is not the exact thing everytime but usually falls into one of those categories. On top of that he is extremely stubborn, time out does not work at all, I can pop him on the hand or butt and would not phase him at all - we have to spank him with a belt to get his attention or he will keep doing what he was doing. When we get on to him he immediately starts. It has gotten so embarassing to even go in public, he is fine as long as he gets his way. His screaming, whining, and crying has got to stop. He constantly whines weather it is asking to do something or go somewhere. I do believe that yelling a a child is no no, but he gets to us so bad that we both find our selves yelling. My 4 1/2 year old daughter even beggs not to take Dylan anywhere because everyone stares at him for crying and not getting his way. Is this normal behavior? If it is, I don't ever see anyone elses kids like this.
I appreciate your comments to MY DAUGHTER, but the Bible STILL says "spare the rod, spoil the child". Nowhere does it say to beat them, but it DOES SAY, "SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD".
One more thing, in my daughter's defense . . . so to speak . . . . SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A GREAT PERSON! I just wanted you to know this because I can only imagine (and remember my own) the things that may be going through your head with your own little ones! I spank, I hugged, I cried, I yelled (probably more than I should have - IT DOES NOT WORK!), I prayed and even thought about running away . . .. I now have 2 GREAT GALS and, well, we are all 3 working on the baby of 17yrs!
I am the 19 yearolds' mother who has been talking with you. I do not believe that you are entirely wrong for using "the belt". It does not sound like you beat either of your children. I raised 3 girls (the dad that Ashley speaks of was my b/f for 10 years and the only "daddy" she had in her life). There were no instruction booklets or input from family and friends to speak of, so I was basically left to "figure it out". Spanking may have worked with one, the other needed hugs, yet the other needed time out! Go figure! No two children, either in the same family or not, are the same or will respond to the same discipline or otherwise! That is a fact of life. Having now completed the process of raising my three, I can look back and see (very clearly, I might add) just what did and DID NOT work. I didn't spank much, becaue I felt guilty. I was mom, dad, blablabla . . .albeit I loved every minute of it, some days were more difficult than others.
My suggestion to you is, do what you are doing! Explore new ideas and other avenues. It one doesn't work, try another. But give each one there due time. Remember, it does take time and one day you will look back and think . . ."Wow, I wish I had known that then"! xoxoxoxo to you and your family!
My suggestion to you is, do what you are doing! Explore new ideas and other avenues. It one doesn't work, try another. But give each one there due time. Remember, it does take time and one day you will look back and think . . ."Wow, I wish I had known that then"! xoxoxoxo to you and your family!
Well I thought about what you said all evening and come to this, for you to call me sick I think is wrong. Just to put to maybe make things clear when I say spank it is one very light pop on the bottom with the belt. Since nobody has agreed and you started your formum about the belt my husband & I decided not to use it no more. I would never ever want anyone to think I beat my kids or child services to ever take my children away I just thought that it was ok being the fact my dr. said that a pop on the but with a belt would get his attention if it came down to it. And if wondering, my daughter does not get disaplined this way - she has been lightly poped maybe five times with a hand on her bottom in her life, because time out works for her. I told my husband that I posted a forum for help and what was suggested and what was said, he agreed that the method we are using know is not working , so the belt is gone and going to try the no spanking at all method to see how that works. I guess I want to thank you for your posts even though they were throat cutting. I will give update in a few weeks to tell how he is doing. We do hug, kiss, play, sing, read, and have fun with my kids but they do get extra extra attention after they get in trouble and maybe the one on one attention afterward is triggering him to act like this.
I understand where everyone is coming from but I am a strong believer in spankings...my mother never done that with me and I turned out not so good. My dad got killed in 03 and that hurt so bad and still does and I have yet to cope with it! When that happened I turned to METH..and POT..and COKE and I got kicked out of school my 11th grade year in high school and I was a great student. I had straight A's and I was a basketball player and a track runner. I never done anything wrong I was a great kid! Now I kinda know how the baby is feeling but then again I dont. I had my mother and she was always there. The baby and his mother lived with my boyfriends dad and the mother worked at hooters and she would get home very late and she was never there with him. When she got home from work she would wake the baby up and take him downstairs and give him milk shake. He grown acustom to that. Now the baby has lived with me and myboyfriend now for 2 months and he has opened up soooo much..(he never would talk to anyone) now he will talk to every one! He will go right up and say his whole name and just talk! He never ate when he lived with his mother he has gained so much weight because I make him sit there and eat every bite of his food. He never use to eat. So I think that he is much better with us than with his mother. My boyfriend is NOT consistant with what he say to the baby. Example: We went to the store an the baby wanted to get on daddys sholders and he told him NO like 3 times and then gives in. Tell me if I am wrong here...IF YOU SAY NO THEN THATS WHAT YOU SHOULD MEAN NOT GIVE IN EVERY TIME. Now an I wrong???? I think the reson he hits himself is becuae his mother use to do that **** too. The mother and the baby lived with my boyfriends dad and his wife and his 2 kids the are the ages 5 yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl. The little girl saw the babys mother hit herself and say i am going to die. Now the little girl went to the baby and told him that she saw his mommy hit herself. I think thats where he gets that from. The baby love us and he knows that we love him that not a problem. He just dont listen!!!! Example: Last night I woke up an heard the baby yelling for his daddy, I get up and go in his room and see what he needs, he tells me that he wants to watch a movie (now I dont believe in the TV when he is going to bed) So I ask him what moive and he tells me which one and I looked for that movie but it was not there so I told him that it is not there and he had to pick a different one. Well he started to pick one but never got that far before he started throwing a fit...He screamed and yelled and kicked and called names. I told him if you are going to be ugly then you get no movie and the TV goes off..so he kept on yelling and etc. so I turned the TV off an left the room well when I left the room he started name calling.." you stupid idiot" so I went in there and popped his mouth and say you do not call me names then I left again and then he done the same thing (name calling) so I dont the same thing..Then he started kicking me and slapping me so i took his hand and popped his hand and told him you DO NOT HIT ME!!! He kept on so when he hit me I popped him. He finally stoped hitting an name calling but still yelling so I made him stand up on the floor..well that didnt work so I woke daddy up..I told daddy he get up I need some help and he told me no (I dont think he was awake yet) So he gets up and goes in the room and tells the baby that its enough he needs to calm down but he dont listen he daddy gets the belt and just hits it on the bed and told the baby I we need you to dry it up and stop yelling and he did. Now after all of that I told the daddy that I did NOT want the TV back on and he told me to put one on anyway so I did. Now do you see how if I tell him one thing that the daddy does something different? How do i over come this? I have never been in this place before I am only 19. I need some kind of help.
If you can get him to calm down with the Santa threats, it sounds like he's a child who can be reasoned with, at least partially.
If hitting him with a belt isn't working at all, why does your boyfriend keep doing it? I swear, I never get that - some parents just get some nutty idea in their head and they won't shake it loose, and they keep doing and doing and doing the same thing that doesn't work. Actually, in some ways it "works" for your boyfriend because when you get that frustrated with a child, it must feel a little good to whale on them. But that doesn't help anything, and it's harmful for the child.
One of my favorite sayings on discipline is, "do you want revenge, or do you want to change behavior?" So often, changing the behavior doesn't involve punishing at all, it's a different way of doing things.
For example. Buy a timer of some kind, maybe something that comes in a game, some cute thing. An egg timer from the grocery store, whatever. In a calm time, tell him you understand he gets really frustrated and angry (and you often get really frustrated and angry too, so you understand) but it's important he learn to calm himself down because he can't be allowed to scream like this. Tell him when he has a tantrum, he has 3 minutes by the timer to finish it, and during that three minutes he can scream all he wants. Tell him I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. Maybe a small hourglass thing might be best - so he can actually watch the time easily. At the end of the three minutes, that's it, he needs to have calmed down. If not . . some kind of sanction. No bubble gum. No TV, something. If he DOES manage to reign it in, even kind of hit the goal, give him LOTS of praise! You did it! I KNEW YOU COULD.
Sounds also like you need a good book. I recommend Brazelton, but others may have a different book idea.
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Brazelton-Way-T-Berry/dp/0738207837
If hitting him with a belt isn't working at all, why does your boyfriend keep doing it? I swear, I never get that - some parents just get some nutty idea in their head and they won't shake it loose, and they keep doing and doing and doing the same thing that doesn't work. Actually, in some ways it "works" for your boyfriend because when you get that frustrated with a child, it must feel a little good to whale on them. But that doesn't help anything, and it's harmful for the child.
One of my favorite sayings on discipline is, "do you want revenge, or do you want to change behavior?" So often, changing the behavior doesn't involve punishing at all, it's a different way of doing things.
For example. Buy a timer of some kind, maybe something that comes in a game, some cute thing. An egg timer from the grocery store, whatever. In a calm time, tell him you understand he gets really frustrated and angry (and you often get really frustrated and angry too, so you understand) but it's important he learn to calm himself down because he can't be allowed to scream like this. Tell him when he has a tantrum, he has 3 minutes by the timer to finish it, and during that three minutes he can scream all he wants. Tell him I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. Maybe a small hourglass thing might be best - so he can actually watch the time easily. At the end of the three minutes, that's it, he needs to have calmed down. If not . . some kind of sanction. No bubble gum. No TV, something. If he DOES manage to reign it in, even kind of hit the goal, give him LOTS of praise! You did it! I KNEW YOU COULD.
Sounds also like you need a good book. I recommend Brazelton, but others may have a different book idea.
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Brazelton-Way-T-Berry/dp/0738207837
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