3 yr old Behavior Normal or Not

[Mommy who needs help]

My 3 year old son can be so sweet and loving one minute and then if he is told to do something he does not want to do and told not to do he turns into an outrage.  (crying, yelling, hitting, throwing something, making noises) it is not the exact thing everytime but usually falls into one of those categories.  On top of that he is extremely stubborn, time out does not work at all, I can pop him on the hand or butt and would not phase him at all - we have to spank him with a belt to get his attention or he will keep doing what he was doing.  When we get on to him he immediately starts.  It has gotten so embarassing to even go in public, he is fine as long as he gets his way.  His screaming, whining, and crying has got to stop.  He constantly whines weather it is asking to do something or go somewhere.  I do believe that yelling a a child is no no, but he gets to us so bad that we both find our selves yelling.  My 4 1/2 year old daughter even beggs not to take Dylan anywhere because everyone stares at him for crying and not getting his way.  Is this normal behavior?  If it is, I don't ever see anyone elses kids like this.  

[Mommy who needs help]

I do think it is fine to use a belt / switch / or paddle.  My dr. said it was fine, my mother did it to my brothers (all she had to do to me is raise her voice & I would cry), so on & so on, I have friends that use it on their two year olds which indeed have the same dr. I do for my kids.  I do not believe in doing it all the time only when very neccesary & is the very last thing to do.  No I do not believe in biting a kid back when biting me or hitting a kid back when hitting me or someone else when I am teaching them not to do it.  I will try the pulling pants down and poping him with my hand to see if that works because I don't like spanking him either but sometimes it is that only thing that gets his attention.  Thanks for the advice!

[Mommy who needs help]

Thanks for all the advice!  I went home yesterday and was determined to use some of the info.  I kept my cool and used soft tone when getting on to him.  I hope that consistency and maybe a different technique in what we are doing will help - I guess I will keep trying suggestions until one works.  Will tell the two incidents that happened yesterday.  I was helping my daughter do her homework for preschool and to include him of course I set-up a coloring page and a trace the letter page and gave him some crayons.  It was going so good as always and he decided he wanted to write on her paper.  I told him that it was sissy's & that he couldn't write on her homework and she couldn't write on his.  He did not like that so he threw all the crayons on the floor I pick them up & told him that I know you are upset but please do not throw the crayons on the floor; lets be a BIG boy & finish your homework. He started saying AAAH & threw them back down.  I tried to make him look me in my face and never did get him to but did manage to make him pick the crayons up - which then got him mad about that & pinched Kaleigh & laughed.  I popped his hand & said no no - you don't like when people hit or pinch you so lets please be nice.  He then popped me and said no no.  Just goes from one thing to another.  But I did get to him to mind me in the room when he dumped all the the toy bins and wanted to stack & sit in them - I told him that he should not stand in them because he could fall & get hurt very really bad & I couldn't have my helper get hurt, he persist on it a few more times & then asked him to be my helper & watch them so that they don't break so that we can put the toys back in & if they broke they would not have a place to go & we would have no choice but to throw them away because the both toy boxes are full  - he then said me your helper & me watch them.  I finally felt like I won a battle do think that saying something positive or something that took his mind off the situation worked some.  The person who asked if he had any reason to be like this, no.  We live in an great family environment & are very family oriented - meme lives on one side, great aunt on the other, uncle in the back feild, we go to church, they go to Christian daycare / preschool only other thing I can think of is that my husband has took a new work schedule working nights so that my 4 year old daughter can attend preschool but he is off on Wed., Sat., & Sun. and gets to see him before bedtime some days during the week, but he has been like this since he was two & recently has gotten worse.  Don't get me wrong he can be sweet, just very stubborn & likes to try it just cause you say NO - I cannot get him to stay in time out even if I keep on going back.  If I take toys away it doesn't bother him - he could play with a remote control & pretend it was a choo choo & have just as much fun with a real one.  He doesn't talk very well & is slower than my daughter (she can already read short words & was wlking great at 7 1/2 mo.).  I have asked the Dr. about his speech & he is not concerned yet because he said he can pronounce 2 - 3 syllabol words.  He says sissy "diddy", school - "dool", tired - "towel".  and has recently started slobber like a baby who is cutting teeth (I plan on taking him back next week)  He does understand what is being said.  I have looked at different disabilites online but none seem to fit exactly.  Just to mention he is good at daycare & with other people (sometimes he tries them but pulls the usual kid fit with them) he once through a fit leaving daycare because he wanted to open the door & their policy is only adults open the door.  He threw his self on the floor and screamed & kicked like I was a stranger tring to take him.  They all said that they have never ever seen him act like that - one of the teachers came & told him she was not going to have him act like that to mommy & needed to starighten up.  Sorry to keep rambling but just wanted to throw a few examples in.  I guess time and persistance will help get things back to where they should be, I just can't believe that we let this get so out of hand.  Thanks for all the suggestions.

[RockRose]

Eeks, I hope everyone can get through those typos.  My post is kind of unreadable.  : (

To the Mommy who needs help - you sound really embarrassed.  Everyone is embarrassed.  That's the problem.  When a child senses he has the power to embarrass you,  you've lost the battle.  It's your job,  as the mother,  to be an embarrassment to your children,  not vice versa.  Just kidding.

The next couple weeks you need to take him places where you know for sure no one you know will be there,  and you'll be free to embarrass yourself.    Tell him going in,  that you expect sweet behavior, and because it's a boring outing for him if he's patient he'll get some treat. (Bubble gum,  a toy airplane,  whatever).  Maybe he'll be fine.  If he's not,  grab him up and shout NO SIR!!  in his face,  and take him right then to the car and drive him home to spend 1/2 hour in his room.  Right then,  don't wait even one more minute.  Do that several more times,  react immediately and loudly and swiftly,  and he'll get it under control.  The more you cringe in public and hope he doesn't embarrass you,  the more he probably will.

Been there,  done that.

[RockRose]

Okay,  it's time for some biblical education,  because the name of my God is being taken in vain here.   Which,  by the way,  is commandment that is misunderstood - taking hte name of the Lord thy God in vain doesn't mean cursing,  it means misquoting God in order to prove something that in fact,  Christianity doesn't teach.  So.

Spare the rod spoil the child was written literally,  "Spare the shepherd's rod,  loose the lamb."    Another time in the Bible the hook word was used,  was "thy rod and thy staff,  they comfort me."    This rod they are referring to, in both cases,  is the shepherd's hook,  which is used to prod and guide the sheep.  Not beat them.  Shepherds knew this reference and understood the meaning - if you loose track of your children,  or fail to guide and supervise them,  you will lose them.  

For some reason,  we've decided it means beat them.  It doesn't.

Carry on with the discussion.  Just wanted clarity before the Bible gets misquoted again.

[RSD9900]

Just for starters I totalld disagree with people who say NEVER use a belt on a 3 year old!! I grew up that way and only had it done to me 3 times! Once when I was 3 for something that my brother actually did and blamed on me. And the other 2 times happened when I was in the 2nd grade. I am a senior in college majoring in Early Childhood Education and if I learned anything from my methods class I KNOW that one exceptional discipline strategy may become a complete dud when it is tried on the next child!! I am glad that I don't live in California because I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who has been spanked with a paddle (which is a wooden paint mixer with "he who spares the rod spoils the child" painted across it). My daughter is EXTREMELY advanced for her age and knows how to manipulate well. She started a preschool program in August and has come home with only one good day so far. She does not listen to the teachers or the director of the school, tells them "no" quite often, and is agressive. I do not tolerate her behavior and neither does her father. She knows how to be a complete angel when she is with us. She is also in dancing and has a VERY STRICT dancing teacher that she listens to perfectly. However, laws and policies that schools must follow these days hinder many teachers from getting the respect that they deserve from their students. We try time out with her and she entertains herself with her fingers or talks to the wall-it doesn't phase her. We took every toy out of her room and she had to earn them back using a behavior modification system where she earned tokens when she was caught being good-this encourages the desired behavior, right?  NOT FOR HER! She hands the tokens back when she knows she had a bad day and it doesn't bother her at all! She even tells her teachers that she will tear up their notes to me before I read them! Now, this is when we started using the padle. She is put across the lap, panties down, and trust me....it's working wonders!!  Sorry for offending some of you who may not know what it's like to have a truely difficult child, but sometimes we just have to do what works. And for the record I have switched my daughter's pediatrician 3 months ago. Both her new one and her old one agreed that I have tried many things and I have just found what works for her. I don't do it when I am angry and she knows what the consequences are now. What is important is that the child be afraid of or upset by the consequences. If the consequence is something that he/she is not bothered with...IT WILL NOT WORK!

[success4one]

What ever happened to the good ol' days when discipline was established. Nowadays, parents allow children to get away with too much and it ends up costing them in the long run. They wonder why their children have no respect for them or ends up in trouble. I think its fine to spank your children if they're getting out of line. The bible said "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Do you think he was saying let them do what they want and they'll grow up a fine adults? No, there are different ways of discipline and time out and taking away toys just doesn't work for some children. A belt will probably have CPS at the door, but a good old fashioned pants down hand spanking will set some house rules!!!