3 yr. old son behavior problems at day care

[rhi903]

My son is 3 years old and has a great heart,listens well, has a great routine and is funny kid. But he has been having some problems at day care. He has been kicking,hitting, throwing toys at the other boys. They have put him in time out and he does not care anymore. I don't know what to do, at home he will have his ups and downs, but for the most part he is really good. When we have company over he acts up again, and now when he gets into trouble he will throw something at us. Please help me on getting this fixed. I am really worried about him, and the other kids he is around.

[benjimom]

This is tough, I'ev had similiar issues with my son who is 6 now.  HE would do things like that off and on.  Sometimes I Think they get overloaded too and if he's in full time daycare, he might be getting tired and when kids get tired, it's hard for them to control their actions.  Make sure he is getting as much sleep as possible, I know it's hard, my son was never one to sleep a lot, he slept enough, but I honestly think even now he could use more.  

Yes, the speech questions specialmom asked was good. IF he is speech delayed the hitting coudl all be ways of communicating.  

My son did not start to talk until after age 3 and now he's 6, but sometimes I wonder if that is why he has a temper, sometimes he will hit me and he knows it is WRONG and will say so after the incident, but I wonder sometimes if his emotions get the best of him or he's too immature to verbalize his emotions.  

My son also gets overstimulated to a point with company.  We were visiting my parents who have a new beagle puppy and he just got so excited and became very obsessed with the dog.  He loves the puppy so much nad wanted to be with her ALL the time.  

I think company always throws off kids, so does travel.

Time out was never very effective for my son.  I would sit down with director and teacher if poss and make some plans, everyone needs to be very consistent.  Your son sounds like a spirited child.

I only have one boy and I don't know what I woudl do if I had more, I don't know if I would have the energy honestly!!!

If he throws something at you, take a toy away and put it up.  Try to make him apologize, he may not, my son is only now getting to where he will apologize.  I agree w/specialmom, don't spank, it only makes things worse, and I know from experience.  People will tell you it solves everything but they haven't been with my son and many other children!!!

[specialmom]

Three year olds are a lot of work and some more than others.  Some kids get very excited when company comes over or at a family event and do things we would . . . rather they not . . . and are mortified that they do.  Some kids also have really active nervous systems and behaving the whole time in daycare can make for a long day.  Some kids really do need lots of physical activity throughout the day in order to maintain their behavior.  They get tired, they are excited and overwhelmed and their nervous system goes haywire.  They start to make bad choices.  He very likely will outgrow this and if he doesn't, please google sensory integration disorder.  (I've got one kid with sensory processing problems and one without-------  both can get very revved up-----  hard to tell with three year olds what is going on).  
I would go the route of natural consequences.  He is having impulse control problems when he is excited it sounds like---------  so, if he throws a toy, then the toy is gone.  I would not EVER yell at this child or spank him as a child that has a tendency to be aggressive will get worse if punished in this manner.  So calmly tell him that he may not throw a toy and if he does, the toy will be taken away for a while.  And then follow through.  If he is screaming or whining or crying-----  tell him that you will not talk to him until he calms down and uses his big boy voice as you just can't understand him when he talks like that.  If he pushes a friend--------  this is tough.  But play date is OVER.  The guest must leave or you leave if at someone's house.  This is difficult when you've only been there 5 minutes but I guarentee if you do that a couple of times he will try harder to control the impulse.  My kids went through a period of acting up in the grocery store just at about the time in which the car was over half full . . .  I'd leave my half full cart and leave.  Did it once and from then on if I said we will leave if you do X-------  my kids listened.  If I am driving and there is any screaming, fighting, etc.------  I pull over and stop the car.  I don't say a word.  They say sorry sorry sorry and I drive again. Natural consequences.  It has been very effective with my kids.

I would try to do as much physical activity with him as possible.  Go to a park after dinner for 45 minutes and let him run around.  Look for other kids to play that YOU will be there to help guide him through.  If you do have a playdate------  you will have to be very involved for now to help him through some of these social skills problems.

By the way, how is your son's speech?  These types of issues are common with kids that have a little difficulty with speech.  

Also at home, I don't know if he is your one and only.  But start practicing with him.  Ask him for a toy he has in his hand.  He won't want to give it so you do a "trade" and trade him for another and then pretend to play with the toy he had just as a child would.  Take turns with him and do NOT always let him go first.  Take turns winning at games as well and do NOT always let him win.  You are teaching him skills to use with friends and peers, so be realistic about what it is like with him.

Okay, good luck and hope it gets better!