3.5 year old disruptive in kindergarten

[mummy2004]

hello i have a very bright son who recently became 3.5 years old. he is bilingual, he does not speak much english, but has very good language and numeracy skills in my langauge and appropriate to his age. he is very sociable, confident and chatty around adults, never shy, not clingy, i have practiced attachment parenting including breastfeeding him until he was 3 years and 4 months old.  he started kindergarten a few months ago in September 2007, but we have had quite a few breaks in between, so in total he has not been there for more than 2 months.  he is an only child and we have no relatives or friends' children he can play with.  my husband and i have been his only caregivers since he was born. i am very concerned because although the kindergarten staff were pleased with him at first, i am now told that he is disruptive, does not join in at singing or story time, would not eat with the other children, etc.  the teachers are of the view that his behaviour has nothing to do with the fact that he can't speak much english or the fact that he is an only child with practically no contact with other children since birth.  i am told he has tantrums and does not share toys.  they say he behaves more like a 3 year old than a 4 year old (he is actually only 3.5) please give me your advice on this as i do not wish the people who are going to come in to assess him at his kindergarten to lable him unnecssarily.  how long will it take for my son to adjust to his new environment and to blend in with the other children ?  there is another bilingual boy my son's age and my son seems to copy him quite a lot, including any bad behaviour. how can i stop my son from copying this child's bad behaviour when i am not around so that he will be able to integrate better into the group ?  i am also being treated like an outcast by some of the other parents who refuse to even say hello to me.  this is really upsetting as i am made to feel even more responsible and ashamed of my son's behaviour.  i have also heard the older children call my son "naughty" in front of the other parents.  please help.        

[kaja16]

Hi there.I am in eczactly same situation as you are.My son is 3.5 and started going to pre-school since September.His behavier is getting worth.He is hitting and pushing other children.Has made no friends at the school so far.Basiclly a very un -sosial child.We willl see the health visitor next Monday.He is bi lingual as weel.But his English language is good.

[jd1419]

I don't know what country you are in--so there may be differnet rules about school...First off can you stop in on days without announcing you are coming to just see how disruptive your son is...Also then you can see if he is imitating other children or if he is instigating the problems.  Then you will also see how the teachers are dealing with the problems--if they are proactive or reactive...My son goes to pre-school two days a week for two hours (he is 3.5) He has not had any problems so far00but I think that is due to the fact he is the second child and his brother is only a 1 yr ahead in school--and he was able to go drop his borther off quite a few times during the preivous scholl year so he knew the teachers and the school.  He did still have a few questions when starting like when we leave him there are we coming back.  What if he had to go tot he bathroom--things like that.  When they are little different things bother them that we may think are ridiculous--but to little ones there are issues.  Especially if they are never far from their parents attention (or even grandparents).  I am lucky that my boys are very social and have agreat relationships with many people.  Try and see if English is the main language in the classroom to get your son caught so he is not lagging behind the other children (that may cause some of the problems if he is not totally understanding what is being said to him)  good Luck on finding your true path.