Aa
4 year aggresive
I have a four year old that is an only child. He goes to preschool. He is starting to have many behavior problems. He always wants to be the helper and when he doesn't get his way he starts to throw books and chairs. He will go up and hit a child (sometimes) for no reason. He does not want to take a nap anymore and he is expected to at least lay on his mat for 2 hrs and rest if he doesn't want to go to sleep. I ask him why he doesn't want to nap and he tells me "I am not tired". He is smart and potty trained and has good verbal communication. The school says he wants too much attention. I asked him if he wants to go to this school and he says yes. But, for the last three days I am getting phone calls home saying I have to pick him up. Then the director is telling me that he might ADHD (which I am going to have him tested). But, at home I can control him because I have the upper hand and the school can only do so much. I don't know if he just bored or if he really has a problem. When he gets mad he flips a switch for about five seconds and then it is over.
Oh, addressing two other things you said. Does the class rotate helpers? I'd post the chart in the room with names that have velcro on the back so he SEES when it is his turn. If it is not his turn for a big job, can the teacher give him some little jobs such as "helping her with carrying those books" that will slow his nervous system?
When he hits--- if you are being told there is not reason that is wrong. There is always a reason. He is unhappy is reason enough. But usually something triggers it. How do they handle it? An immediate time out is the best way in preschool. There is a great book called "hands are not for hitting" that I highly recommend. It drives the way home. I'd talk about emotions with him as well. Cut out pictures from magazines that show various facial expressions------------- then have him name the emotion. You can act them out as well. Then he can act them out and you call out which emotions. Then tie it to our friends. We do not want our friends to be sad. We want to be a good friend to them and not make them sad. Talk about the other emotions such as anger, frustration. What else can he do when he is feeling this way? He could have a cool down spot to go to that no one will bother him------------ under a table, in a bean bag chair in a corner, or in a pop up tent. When he feels better he can come out. (better to go there and sit a minute to calm down rather than punching someone). He can talk to a teacher and use his words. (by the way, how is his speech?) He can take deep breaths. ETc.
When he hits--- if you are being told there is not reason that is wrong. There is always a reason. He is unhappy is reason enough. But usually something triggers it. How do they handle it? An immediate time out is the best way in preschool. There is a great book called "hands are not for hitting" that I highly recommend. It drives the way home. I'd talk about emotions with him as well. Cut out pictures from magazines that show various facial expressions------------- then have him name the emotion. You can act them out as well. Then he can act them out and you call out which emotions. Then tie it to our friends. We do not want our friends to be sad. We want to be a good friend to them and not make them sad. Talk about the other emotions such as anger, frustration. What else can he do when he is feeling this way? He could have a cool down spot to go to that no one will bother him------------ under a table, in a bean bag chair in a corner, or in a pop up tent. When he feels better he can come out. (better to go there and sit a minute to calm down rather than punching someone). He can talk to a teacher and use his words. (by the way, how is his speech?) He can take deep breaths. ETc.
In the area in which I live, a diagnosis is not given to a child until they are at least 6 years old of adhd. The reason is that there is such great variability amongst kids younger than that. Many lack impulse control, have trouble following directions and find focusing difficult. Very common. Now that is not to say that you should not keep your eye on him and how he progresses and matures but anyone that suggests adhd and medication at his age is not doing a great job.
There are also other things to look into including something like sensory integration disorder which also affects the nervous system like adhd and add. They look very very similar and often sensory is mistaken for adhd. My son WAS diagnosed with sensory integration disorder at 4 by an occupational therapist trained in sensory. He's a sensory seeker so he had trouble keeping his hands to himself, spoke way above acceptable volume levels, was volatile in nature, had difficulty with friends, couldn't sit in circle time, wandered the room without focusing on activities. Occupational therapy made this much better. He's 6.5 now and doing fantastic in school.
I agree that expecting children that go to preschool to take a 2 hour nap is not a good practice. Not all kids at 4 can lay for 2 hours and maybe they are a little too revved up to sleep. The expectation that ALL 4 year olds take this 2 hour nap makes me question the school. I'd question it if I were you. Perhaps this is not the best place for him. Many day care providers require kids to take a nap to give themselves a break. What do THEY do for 2 hours while the kids they are being paid to watch sleep? And preschool in the states is usually half day or just until after lunch as a whole day for some kids is very long. If you are working and require day care, this may not be the place. If it is preschool, it definately is not the place.
My son was very difficult in preschool. I would have not appreciated a teacher telling me a diagnosis. In my state they must have a professional therapist observe a child for a minimum of 3 full school days and then recommend that a child see a professional specializing in the suspected problem to evaluate them and THEN a diagnosis is given. They may see that your son is standing out from the crowd of other kids and I do take that seriously---------- mine definately stood out. But they are not trained to make a judgement call as to a clinical diagnosis for a child.
You are your child's advocate and must do what is in his best interest.
Things that helped my son calm down in school----------- outside of school we spent a great deal of time doing physical activity. We went to parks every single day even if there was snow on the ground and ran, jumped, climbed, and used th swings. We found indoor places to play that had a gym and did the same thing. Swimming is fantastic as it combines deep pressure and muscle resistance. Games of animal walks including crab walk, bear walk, hop frog, or slithering like a snake. Make a big pile of pillows on the floor using couch cushions and all the pillows you can find. Have him crawl through the pillows. Jump on a mattress on the floor. Have him lay down and make a sandwich and gently push pillows over him. Fill a laundry basket with weighted items and have him push it and pull it across the floor. Blow bubbles. Drink thick liquids through a straw like smoothie, milk shake or even apple sauce. Rock him while squeezing him before bed. Go to a wall and play "push over"------- stand with feet shoulder width apart and try to push that wall over.
At school, offer choices. Some kids need this bit of control for compliance. The teacher controls the choices so it isn't like he is getting his own way. Example: "do you want to come to circle time and sit by Jonny or by me, the teacher or would you rather pull a chair up along side?" If he chooses, he may comply better. Give him lots and lots of little choices. Have the whole class march to playground time slapping feet on floor. Have him carry some books across the room for the teacher. Have him erase a dry erase board. Do a game of animal walks in the class. Have him give himself a "big hug".
I'd also go and observe your son for the day at school. It could be very eye opening. I'm not resistent to a child having something more going on but from your description, it is sounding more like the school has an issue vs. your child. I only have what you say to go on though and can't see the situation. Good luck
There are also other things to look into including something like sensory integration disorder which also affects the nervous system like adhd and add. They look very very similar and often sensory is mistaken for adhd. My son WAS diagnosed with sensory integration disorder at 4 by an occupational therapist trained in sensory. He's a sensory seeker so he had trouble keeping his hands to himself, spoke way above acceptable volume levels, was volatile in nature, had difficulty with friends, couldn't sit in circle time, wandered the room without focusing on activities. Occupational therapy made this much better. He's 6.5 now and doing fantastic in school.
I agree that expecting children that go to preschool to take a 2 hour nap is not a good practice. Not all kids at 4 can lay for 2 hours and maybe they are a little too revved up to sleep. The expectation that ALL 4 year olds take this 2 hour nap makes me question the school. I'd question it if I were you. Perhaps this is not the best place for him. Many day care providers require kids to take a nap to give themselves a break. What do THEY do for 2 hours while the kids they are being paid to watch sleep? And preschool in the states is usually half day or just until after lunch as a whole day for some kids is very long. If you are working and require day care, this may not be the place. If it is preschool, it definately is not the place.
My son was very difficult in preschool. I would have not appreciated a teacher telling me a diagnosis. In my state they must have a professional therapist observe a child for a minimum of 3 full school days and then recommend that a child see a professional specializing in the suspected problem to evaluate them and THEN a diagnosis is given. They may see that your son is standing out from the crowd of other kids and I do take that seriously---------- mine definately stood out. But they are not trained to make a judgement call as to a clinical diagnosis for a child.
You are your child's advocate and must do what is in his best interest.
Things that helped my son calm down in school----------- outside of school we spent a great deal of time doing physical activity. We went to parks every single day even if there was snow on the ground and ran, jumped, climbed, and used th swings. We found indoor places to play that had a gym and did the same thing. Swimming is fantastic as it combines deep pressure and muscle resistance. Games of animal walks including crab walk, bear walk, hop frog, or slithering like a snake. Make a big pile of pillows on the floor using couch cushions and all the pillows you can find. Have him crawl through the pillows. Jump on a mattress on the floor. Have him lay down and make a sandwich and gently push pillows over him. Fill a laundry basket with weighted items and have him push it and pull it across the floor. Blow bubbles. Drink thick liquids through a straw like smoothie, milk shake or even apple sauce. Rock him while squeezing him before bed. Go to a wall and play "push over"------- stand with feet shoulder width apart and try to push that wall over.
At school, offer choices. Some kids need this bit of control for compliance. The teacher controls the choices so it isn't like he is getting his own way. Example: "do you want to come to circle time and sit by Jonny or by me, the teacher or would you rather pull a chair up along side?" If he chooses, he may comply better. Give him lots and lots of little choices. Have the whole class march to playground time slapping feet on floor. Have him carry some books across the room for the teacher. Have him erase a dry erase board. Do a game of animal walks in the class. Have him give himself a "big hug".
I'd also go and observe your son for the day at school. It could be very eye opening. I'm not resistent to a child having something more going on but from your description, it is sounding more like the school has an issue vs. your child. I only have what you say to go on though and can't see the situation. Good luck
Well I think any 4 year old would be unhappy having to lay for 2 hours to go to sleep, in my opinion that is a bad policy of the school and older children should have a room where they can read and play .he tells you he is not tired, so I would ask the teachers about this rule or change the school...No Teacher or director has any right to tell you that your child may have ADHD it is something that happens , and the cause of many childen being thought to have these disorders when they don't, if you are concerned then yes speak to your Doctor ..My opinion is this is not a school I would like to send my child to .
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