4 year old constantly undermines me. Should I be alarmed

[freakmama1225]

My 4 year is relativley an angel at heart. However, he has a whole "other" personality that confuses me and I am not sure if I should be alarmed or not. He is very active. He runs and plays from 7:00am (or earlier) until around 10-11:00pm (or later at times). His bedtime is 8:00. He has older (step) siblings that watch Wrestling. He was watching it until he started to use the Wrestling moves on me, his siblings, and his classmates inappropriately. Therefore, I have removed all aspects of Wrestling from his life. He is incredibly smart and mature for his age. He stands 4 foot 8 and far passes all of the children in his class when it comes to learning and work. BUT...he wears out the WHOLE family. If he doesn't get his way, he constantly fusses and has to be told SEVERAL times before he decides to complete the tasks. He was kicking and screaming until here recently (after many continous timeouts, spankings, & trips to his bed). He has shown signs of improvement so I am hoping this is just another stage. However, his agression has gone on since he was very small. Especially with me. He plays very well by himself and also with others but I can't get him to keep his hands off of people. Including myself. Is this another phase? Or should I be alarmed about his aggression? As I said, its not unmanageable but is ALOT of work due to having to constantly be on him and repremand his every move. Is he deliberatly not listening in a way that I should be alarmed or look out for further signs of something? Or does he know what he is doing and is just trying to push his luck as a 4yr old? He is my first and only and I just do not know. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

[Sandman2]

   Good thoughts by all of the above.  And yes, 4,5 and 6 year old boys can be very active/aggressive.  Its also a matter of teaching that there is a time and place for everything.  And the key word is teaching - repeating something consistently over and over again until it takes effect.  
   Also a 4 year old that is very smart - learns on the "fly" - and if something works for them, they will use that method again.  They don't have quite the maturity to figure out its not appropriate - until someone consistently lets them know.
  There is a great set of books in the "best behavior series" that will help you teach him what is appropriate or not.  "Hands are not for hitting", is a great place to start.  You can see them here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775.  They are aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd (for good reason) and are meant to be read to the child.  You should be reading to him everynight anyway.
   There is also another good book called, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  It shows you how to correctly  use the timeout system so that you can really change the child's behavior.  I think that it will work better for you then the combination of things that you have been doing.
    By the way, I think that soccer is a great idea!  Best wishes.

[specialmom]

I just wanted to throw this out there. . . my son who has sensory issues craves physical contact.  It is soothing to his nervous system.  Wrestling would be a natural fit for a sport for him that I'm sure he will one day look into (he's now 7).  But he likes to be pressed, pushed, push against something, squashed, etc.  The more he does it, the more calm his nervous system is.  We've found games to play that recreate that feeling such as taking a big exercise ball and putting it between myself and him and having him try to knock me over by using his body to press and push against it.  Bop bags are really great for that nervous system craving of contact.  Swimming also will fulfill the nervous system's desire for this deep pressure-------  the resistance of the water does the trick as well as intense muscle work------ so sign him up for swim lessons.  

My boy is not agressive--------- he doesn't go after other people or kids.  But he craves wrestling.  He does it with his dad and I encourage it.  If it is something his nervous system needs, better to rough house play with dad than a friend.  

Soccer will be good, take him to parks that have something he can climb, get him hanging off monkey bars (starts off for a couple of seconds and build).  We do "olympic challenges" where I get my son doing all kinds of activities that are good to slow that over active nervous system.  It really did the trick for us.

Karate is excellent as well although I'm a fan of waiting until the earliest age of 5 to start it.  It is more than just doing the moves------------ it is about respect, control and strength.  To fully participate, a child needs to be a bit older to get it.  I'd start that next year.  Try T ball-----------  great for 4 year olds (right behind soccer) and those swim lessons!

Oh, and get a cobblestone toy for him to play with (Playskool makes one--------- wooden with hammer and pegs.  I got an old one on ebay for about 5 bucks).  This hammering does the nervous system wonders.  Blow bubbles as well to slow the nervous system.

Just ideas from a few years of working on these things at my house.  good luck

[freakmama1225]

Thank you very much for your responses. I totally agree with the whole Wrestling thing. That was a learning lesson for me. He has been great ever since. However, he still shows signs of agression in other ways. Is this normal for 4yr old boys? Will hr grow out of this? Or do they carry this on with them as they get older? I have also placed him in Soccer to burn off some of that energy and in karate so that he can learn to use his size and strength in good ways. Thoughts? Thank you!!!

[margypops]

Yes I would definately agree with teaching him properly in a class,under supervision where they have rules ...

[RockRose]

I see what Margy is saying,  and TV wrestling is stupid,   but I have seen young classic wrestlers and I think it's really great exercise if it's channeled into other kids who want to wrestle.

If you can get him into classic wrestling (not that stupid stuff on TV!) where he can learn the real moves,  and the discipline,  he'll have a fabulous time.

My high schooler wrestles in an open age gym and the little bitty ones are the ones who REALLY REALLY love it,  and get a great work out.  

[margypops]

I really agree with you about the wrestling /fighting it does create an aggressive lifestyle, many older children use it on younger siblings and it can cause many problems. Dads sometimes encourage this by the way , so you could have that on your hands to deal with if he does .No I dont believe that the aggression will continue as long as you stop him being around it, get him involved in some less aggressive sport, some baseball, basket ball, board games are fun.no spankings ' its really hitting and he will also copy that if you do it, he will think its okay  ..good luck