4 year old daughter might have behavior problems

[Jennylove391]

My daughter is 4 years old. Im a single parent. She has been at pre k for 2 months now. Today her teacher called me to pick her up because she hit a child. When I got there noone spoke to me no one came toward me to tell me what happened and to be honest I was a little upset at my daughter because we talked about her behavior. Now this is the first time I ve been called for her hitting a child, she has been in a previous daycare for year before this one. For the past couple of weeks her teacher have been telling she has been acting up not listening, says no to activites. Not because she doesnt want to play with the children because she will play them. She just doesnt want to do their activities she want to do her own and when she want to do it. Her speech isnt that great she can form short sentences but cant carry alot of converstaions. Like " I want to see mulan" or "Mommy Im hungry". When you ask her a question she stutters a little but I understand what she tell me and her teacher arent complaining about her learning its her behavior. When I spoke to one of the teacher after I took her my daughter home she said maybe they need to refer me to a evaluation to see if she has problems. Also sort of insinuating they dont want her back without actually saying it.


I dont know if I should evaluate her because I feel shes just a stubborn spoiled child and wants to do what she want to do. I feel thats her problem. She is very active. She has  alot of energy. But she never argues with me, she does what I ask We only argue when its time to sleep but 10 minutes later she asleep. We sit together she sits for long periods of time. Her speech doesnt really bother me I think everyone should let her develop at her own time. Should I pull her out and take her to Kindergarten next september when she will be 5? Do you think the teachers are right?

[specialmom]

Hello,  first I would try very hard not to be defensive.  The teachers at her school (and daycare providers as she is there ALL day, right?) have the advantage of spending their days with many kids just your daughters age from all sorts of situations and with all sorts of temperments.  Some kids are just more difficult by nature, for sure.  But sometimes when a child continuously falls outside of normal for her peers, there may be more going on.  A person that spends there days with kids are in a good place to make observations about your daughter vs kids her same age without any bias (like we parents have).  I often hear that "oh, the teacher is just trying to make things easier on themselves, they want kids to be robots, etc. etc. etc."  Well, what if that teacher actually is trying to help?  Then you would miss your opportunity to help your daughter.

She may be stubborn and spoiled, but according to you-----  she listens to you fine.  The problem is outside of the home primarily.  So I'm guessing she isn't just stubborn or spoiled------  you'd be dealing with problems at home contsantly.  She is only 4 and impulse control is usually not the best at that age.  And she may grow into that . . .  Speech at 4 can be variable . . . she may grow into that too.  Behavior can be bad but it can improve . . . All of this is true.  But there is a chance that it will not improve.  That is where an evaluation comes into play.  An evaluation is just information----- that is all.  It tells you where your daughter is at developmentally and if there are any problem areas.  It may tell you that she is completely within normal.

Here is an example of where an evaluation was needed . . .my son.  He was 3/4 when he went to preschool for 2 mornings a week.  It didn't go well.  He is very smart, very sweet, very cute and fun.  But at school, he had issues with other kids, didn't want to do the activities (that are FUN-----  I mean, they aren't doing geometry here.  They do things like coloring, painting, puzzles, singing songs . . . things most kids love to do . . .), didn't want to sit for circle time, was super active and energetic and was overall very unhappy.  His confidence took a major dip at 4 years old.  This is so important as our self image starts young.  It is difficult to overcome even as an adult if self esteem becomes very low during the preschool years.  And not getting along with peers (hitting counts as that) will take its toll.  It turns out my son had a nervous system issue called sensory integration disorder.  This involves the brain's messaging system.  When his nervous system is overwhelmed as in school, he didn't function well.  Again, sensory has nothing to do with intelligence but if I had let it continue it would have affected LEARNING because a child that can't participate, is disruptive, etc can't sit down to learn what everyone else is learning.  

Speech issues such as you describe could be part of sensory-----  a part called motor planning.  If you ask her a question, her brain has to organize thought first and then send the message to the mouth to form the words to answer.  The message can get jumbled and thus the stuttering.  Very active kids need . . . LOTS of activity.  Get her invovled in lots of physical play.  Have her run, skip, roll, jump swing, swim as often as possible----  every day if possible.  Have her do some animal walks before school like a "crab" walk, bear walk, hopping frogs, etc.  Give her a piece of gum to chew on the way to school (organizes nervous system).  These are just a few ideas that can possibly help and not hurt at all.

As far as an evaluation, an occupational therapist looks for sensory issues.  Occupational therapy is play therapy.  Kid loves it and it addresses the nervous system.  My son is now almost 6 and is a completely different kid.  Insurance probably covers it.  OR, you could call your local public school system and request an evaluation.  I'd do occupational therapist eval, speech eval (receptive and expressive language are an important part of speech) and a psychological eval (just because in most states you can only evaluate every 2 to 3 years and you want it covered).  If there is an issue, even mild (which I'm guessing it would be very mild) then she could go to the public school's preschool where they would work on any  issue.  It is all free and you entitled to this by law.  

There may be NOTHING wrong with your daughter.  So you can also wait and see.  But don't wait too long.  If there by chance is something else going on, the earlier it is addressed, the better.

Fyi:  my son is on no meds and due to early intervention----  at this time needs not IEP or services through school.  Early helps.

Good luck and it so hard being a parent-----  hats off to any single parent for all the "extra" they have to do!!!

[Sandman2]

    you didn't say when her birthday is.  She may be too young for kindergarten next year, and that may be part of her problem for this year.
    She may very well be a "stubborn spoiled child", if so then you know what you have to start doing.  Usually experienced school teachers are very good at dealing with this.  The changes don't happen overnight but they do happen.  It may be the pre k teachers are not that experienced.  Or they are getting tired of dealing with the problem.  At this age, there is not a lot you can do at home to punish bad behavior at school as punishment needs to be immediate.  What you can do is to talk with her teachers and see what you can do at home to reinforce  the type of behavior they are looking for.  Pick only one thing and work on that.   Good luck