No Emotions

[Kozy262]

Hi,
     I have a 7 yr. old daughter. Her mother and I are divorced, and she lives with her. This is not something that I just realized, its just something I'm asking about at this point in time because I wanted to allow her to grow up a little and see if it would change. Well she just spent the last 5 weeks with me, and I realized that its no different now then it was 3 years ago. What I'm concerned about is, she has no emotions. If she mis-behaves, and gets time out, she just goes without a fight. No defense, no excuse, no nothng. She will never disagree, argue, provide her point of view about anything, nothing. Never exhibits disgust, or dislike, or even anger. I don't believe she feels remorse or true sadness.
When she was a toddler, I just thought she was a perfectly behaved child, but as she got older, I started realizing the lack of emotions.
Examples:
I had not seen her for nearly 7 months, and she flew by herself from NY to FL...needless to say I was a little anxious about it, and very thrilled to see her when she deplaned. I'm a grown man, 47 years old, and I got emotional when I greeted her. With her? Nothing, cool as a cucumber.   Same deal when she departed, hugs and kisses and goodbyes and no emotions. Her little 3.5 year old half brother was a wreck when she walked away.   ?????  
  Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks

[NurseTesla]

Have you looked into her possibly having Asperger's syndrome?

[APJH19]

I was the same way from a toddler until I was about to enter high school.  It wasn't that I didn't have any emotions or opinions, it was more that I didn't believe anyone cared how I felt.  My Mom and Sister were very loud and emotional people.  Often times, I felt that it was manipulative behavior...very damsel in distress x100.  I thought if I let them know how I felt, then it would give them ammunition against me.  So I stayed quiet and showed nothing.  My Mom told me a few years ago that she used to try to make me mad so I would show something.  That was tough to hear.  Why not try to make me happy?  
In the end, I did it to protect myself.  Eventually I let it out for the most part.  They didn't take it well.  Our house was turbulent until they gave up.

[gryhnd76]

I'm curious now that so much time has passed, what has changed?

[psychicRod]

your daughter and Kozy262 daughter may have Alexithymia

go to the address below i did a search to find the best resource for it.
i hope it helps you both.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

[Sandman2]

   Very good response and right on as far as I am concerned.  Hopefully, you will be checking back in from time to time to lend your expertise.

[Sissue1]

Same situation to a child that I know. I was hoping to get more specific reasons for this child.

[balttherapist]

As a therapist it is hard to diagnose each of the children who are being discussed here. When I meet a child who seems to have his/her emotions shut off I try to explore exactly that issue- what caused them to be shut off? Is this simply their nature? Is it a physical issue? For that I refer the child to see their PCP or a child psychiatrist. Is this an emotional or psychological issue?

I have often seen that children who went through a traumatic experience in life can end up shutting down their emotions. This is done as a defense mechanism. If they are traumatized and carrying around much pain, it is easier to turn off the valve of emotion to stop the pain. This of course is at the expense of not being able to experience the joys of life and love which also operate on emotion. But to the child it is worth it because the pain of emotions are too hard to bear.  

Take your child's feelings and moods seriously and get them help from an experienced child therapist. You may not view certain events as traumatic such as your divorce, but your child may have experienced it as a trauma in her world. If you wish you can discuss feelings and emotions with your child and show them that it is okay to cry and to feel hurt. Slowly, through getting help the child will learn to heal and will allow herself to open up once again and to experience emotions. This will take much work and bravery. I have seen hundreds of children do this work and I have also seen hundreds of adults do this work as well. To conclude, best of luck on your journey and know that with a commitment to recovery you can get there.

[Sandman2]

   It sounds like he is really not like the other kids.  They didn't show emotion, but didn't seem to have many issues that required discipline.  Your son, I think, bothers you because he is not showing emotion when disciplined?   If so, that is not unusual for smart kids - its how they manipulate their environment.  I think you need to worry more about what he is doing or continues to do - rather then his reaction to your attempts at discipline.  
   Of course, its also possible that your method of discipline is inconsistent and thus perhaps not as effective as you want it to be to change his behavior.
   But, really need more info to be more effective.
   So, you are saying that during this school year he has had no problems at school - either grade wise or discipline wise?  If so that is (kind of) good news as it means its only the home situation that needs to be changed.  Which is really easier to do then the school setting.  If this is true - no problems at school - Then what is he doing at home that is driving you nuts?  And, I am not talking about how he reacts to your attempts to change his behavior (although telling us how YOU attempt to change his behavior would be helpful),  but what is he doing at home?  Specifically, what has he continued to do after your attempts to change it?

[jeanav1565]

Wow looking for info on this about my son. Same stuff hes now 14. Steals lies all stupid little things. He shows some emotions but its more an act. Its hard to describe but its like he thinks this is how hes suppose to react. Like your good kid no tantrums like other kids. Never says anything about punishments. Nothing seems to work or bother him enough to get him to not repeat the behavior. Im at my wits end. No idea what to do now. Its getting worse and worse. Creative part not at all. He never really got into play where he used it. Nothing like my other kids. He dont even like to draw or doodle like most kids. Hes smart does good in school. Use to be it had to be perfect or he got fustrated and give up. Now he dont even really seem to care one way or another. He dont complain when it comes to things like doing chores or any punishment. Its like whatever he just does it. My other kids will complain or be upset id lets say sent to room. Looking back now really makes me think what was really going on. Why does it seem like hes acting emotions. When did it start? I would really have to say as a baby hes always been this way. Now how do i fix this or help him. Im worried about him. No clue what to do.

[tdinpa]

I really wish you had gotten some better answers...my girl is the same way. Yes she IS creative, almost over the top with the imagination- but this morning her oldest sister moved across country and the whole family was in tears...except for my 7 year old. She SAID she would miss her, but as soon as we were on our way home its like nothing had happened. Sometimes she may whine for 3 seconds if theres something about to go on she disagrees with (chores, eat a food she doesnt like, extra homework for a few exmpls)... but that is it and she always goes thru with it. I have always thought of her as "the good one" (I have 7 kids- YES all the same dad, YES we are married...boy sometimes I wonder if that really would make a difference with the diagnoses at this point tho!) But having 7 kids- it can get crazy sometimes around here. Most of the time it doesnt bc I run a pretty tight ship but I have an open door policy so our kids always have friends over so theres always a mild thrum of chaos just below the organized exterior...the point Im making here is refering to her as "the good one" has always been more like an accepted term of endearment for her around here. Everyone knows she is such a good little girl, she wouldnt do something "bad" if you BEGGED her to...and I am not exagerating, Ive caught the older ones begging her to do things that would cause trouble bc they thought itd be funny. Her response: " thats mean. I wont do it." Very simple....but back to the point, very devoid of emotion and (hindsight is 20/20).... all the other kids were laughing and carrying on the way 10 year olds do...she shouldve been laughing as well. Still say no of course...but I overheard all this and altho it landed the 10 year olds on punishment, it was kind of funny (im not saying what they wanted her to do...it wasnt really bad tho, just tasteless).
I am starting to notice other symptoms too...and I was hoping to find something here. I cant go to her dr and say "oh yeah...and she's just too cooperative of a child....there must be something wrong with her!"....if theres a problem I really need to get some help for her and Id like to get to the dr with as much info as possible.
if you ever get any info, can you come back here and post it? I know what your talking about and I hope theres something we can do about it!
(Sorry about my rant...Im really struggling with all this)

[margypops]

How often do you see her before this 5 week visit ,when was the last time you had her around , could she be shy around you if she has'nt had you in her life a lot,If you communicate well with her Mom perhaps ask her  if your daughter is withdrawn at home,and what activitys did you do whilst she was with you did she enjoy them . It could just be a case of not knowing you too well, try to see her more or How about Messenger for the times you are apart and on the Phone, Messenger is great as you can set up the Web cam and all have a chat and she cansee her little Brother.It must have dissapointed you as nothing like a big appreciated hug , there will be other times Maybe it'll get better as time goes on and she gets older and dont forget the Messenger .

[RockRose]

This could be something,  or it could be nothing.

How creative is she?  Does she play creatively,  and make up creative stories,  and use words in creative ways - coming up with names for things that are clever,  like many kids do?

Or in general,  does her creativity also seem flat?  You may not know this since you aren't living with her,  but when she's asked in school to write a story,  does she sit there not able to come up with ideas,  and then finally write something very flat sounding, or can she easily think of stories to write about?

[Yuki09]

Well i have the same problem the only difference is that my daughter is now 20. My daughter has always been apathetic towards all people in general, except those rare instances that last less then a second, before its completely gone. She is in university, does well in school, has never been arrested,dosent steal,wasn't a bully or ect. There were times where she seemed slightly exasperated with us constantly calling her,or asking her to do multiple tasks, but it would be over in a second, and she would do as asked. She has never shown any interest in guy, or girls, she can admit if a women or man is good looking and ect but thats it. Its simply a honest observation on her part, no feelings related. Shes more cold and calculative in a way, not bad, she has empathy but thats it. When i say shes cold and calculative its based on her mannerisms concerning work,money, and ect. She has many times sneered at her elder sisters, when ever they had a bad breakup with a long time boyfriend, telling them that they could have used all that wasted time with their "boyfriends" and put it to good use like making more money, increasing their applicability for a good job, or anything rather then waste time on useless emotions. I need help