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6 Year Old Boy Behavior Issues- Tantrums, Sexual Acts, ADHD etc
I really need some advice. I recently took my six year old son to the doctor because I am concerned about ADHD (its on hi fathers side) and ODD to go along with it. He was all the ADHD symptoms, and has violent,angry outbursts that match all ODD symptoms. After meeting with doctor and telling him all the things my son is doing he said yes definitely lets have him tested. Im still waiting on an appointment with a child psychologist so nothing has happened on that end yet.
The problem is my son seems to be on a huge downward spiral day after day. It started with him hitting children, to clothes chewing, to acting out in class by jumping around, running, yelling inside, throwing objects, picking things up off the floor with his mouth, playing around in the bathroom and generally acting like an unruly heathen,
Today he was involved in an incident with another six year old boy on the bus. This child lives four houses down, rides the same bus, and is in the same classroom as my son. They apparently were kissing each other. He told the bus driver this. He also said the bus driver told him to keep his pants up. So I asked why were your pants down, and he very obviously lied and said they just fell down. Finally i got the truth out of him. He then told me that the other boy was also "kissing his nuts".
WHAT? I couldnt believe what I had just heard.
He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was his idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him.
I understand children are curious. I also understand that when parents show affection towards each other and their children as my fiance and I do, that young children take that as the way to show everyone they like that they like them. I would explain away the kiss as that. Its the other part that has me VERY concerned.
He has never seen that kind of behavior at my house. He doesnt watch stuff like that on television, nor has he seen it ever in my home. My mother is of no help. Shes in her 50's and a devout Baptist. She thinks he should be punished for his behavior. Im not sure what punishment is warranted for something like that in the first place. What do I do? Lock him in a room till hes grown?? Ive already spoken to him about how its not approptiate to kiss boys OR girls like that when youre his age, and how its NEVER appropriate for ANYONE to ever come near his private parts like that. I said thats stuff for adults to worryabout and not children.
Can you PLEASE help me understand what's going on? Im so ashamed (I dont know why!!), embarrassed, confused, concerned, worried, that its making me sick.
He has mentioned something about someone in his classroom watching him use the bathroom while at school, like peeking in on him. I just wonder if this behavior has happened elsewhere, and how often.
The problem is my son seems to be on a huge downward spiral day after day. It started with him hitting children, to clothes chewing, to acting out in class by jumping around, running, yelling inside, throwing objects, picking things up off the floor with his mouth, playing around in the bathroom and generally acting like an unruly heathen,
Today he was involved in an incident with another six year old boy on the bus. This child lives four houses down, rides the same bus, and is in the same classroom as my son. They apparently were kissing each other. He told the bus driver this. He also said the bus driver told him to keep his pants up. So I asked why were your pants down, and he very obviously lied and said they just fell down. Finally i got the truth out of him. He then told me that the other boy was also "kissing his nuts".
WHAT? I couldnt believe what I had just heard.
He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was his idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him.
I understand children are curious. I also understand that when parents show affection towards each other and their children as my fiance and I do, that young children take that as the way to show everyone they like that they like them. I would explain away the kiss as that. Its the other part that has me VERY concerned.
He has never seen that kind of behavior at my house. He doesnt watch stuff like that on television, nor has he seen it ever in my home. My mother is of no help. Shes in her 50's and a devout Baptist. She thinks he should be punished for his behavior. Im not sure what punishment is warranted for something like that in the first place. What do I do? Lock him in a room till hes grown?? Ive already spoken to him about how its not approptiate to kiss boys OR girls like that when youre his age, and how its NEVER appropriate for ANYONE to ever come near his private parts like that. I said thats stuff for adults to worryabout and not children.
Can you PLEASE help me understand what's going on? Im so ashamed (I dont know why!!), embarrassed, confused, concerned, worried, that its making me sick.
He has mentioned something about someone in his classroom watching him use the bathroom while at school, like peeking in on him. I just wonder if this behavior has happened elsewhere, and how often.
No, your son would have learned from somebody. So does he get babysat? Has he gone to that friends house. I think he is being molested and very possably by a man. He is acting out because he is trying to tell you something. Alot of abusers will threaten thier victims with ' if you tell i'll kill you' or 'hurt your mom' etc. You need to begin by telling him that sometimes people do bad things to children and then tell them not to tell. Make sure your son knows you will protect him if anybody has ever told him that and ask if sombody has seen his privates or touched them. He'll prossibly start telling you what you need to know. Asure him over and over that you will keep him safe. Try very hard to stay calm and not to react to anything he says or he may stop talking. I have been a foster parent of sexually abused children. And was also abused as a 5 year old. It may be the most trusted person you know so be aware. Good luck. I hope I didn't scare you. I pray it isn't so but...
My friend and i used to babysit for 4 kids ages 18 mos, 3 yrs, 5 yrs, and 7 yrs. They were mostly regular kids but i noticed that they see one of them on the potty and tell you I see so and so's pee pee or butt. Ok they'd get a little silly about it, but kids are curious so i dismissed it. Then I noticed once that the 5 yr old was humping her stuffed animal while she was watching tv. Really disturbing to me being only 14 at the time. They parents were really nice and strict with them, they had a seperate room for the kids to watch tv in and it had a block on it so that it only got kid friendly shows. Well, I figured that stuffed animal thing might be a one time thing but i'd keep an eye on them and see how they behaved. Well when one would point out body parts again the other kids got all silly and giddy and it started to occur kind of frequently and the humping toys or dolls happened a couple other times. The parents worked a lot of hours and the kids were with sitters most of the time. My friend and I are girls though unless they had another sitter I didn't know about. Well one night the mom said she ordered a pay per view movie and they had to watch it in the parents tv room coz the kids room blocked pay per view. Well the tv set up was elaborate and I had no idea how to turn it on, the 7 yr old says I'll do it and pushes some buttons turned a knob and picked up the remote and starts flipping thru channels. Many of which were adult ones I had to quickly grab the remote and change. Turns out the kids had known how to use the parents tv, contrary to their parents belief, and were watching adult XXX shows when they weren't looking. We informed the parents and they removed the cheater box from that tv. Kids sometimes get into things grown ups don't think they know how to. Hopefully your situation can be explained too. Good luck to you and your son.
One day in June of 2008 my daughter had a small red mark on her right shoulder. I dropped her off at her fathers house and someone in that house hold thought that small mark was a hickey. They brought my daughter to the Hospital emergancy room. The staff there, Police, and social workers questioned her for 4 hours with no parent or anyone there for her. several hours later it was said that my bf did it and that he "touched her" and that "she told me and I did nothing" This is all insane and untrue!
But still to this day it is now March of 2009 I have only seen my infant a hand full of times because CPS stole him. I have only seen my kids with Supervised visits.
I didnt do anything! I didnt know anything. And the Police's story on my children I know are wrong because I was there when it happend and the state wont let me take a lie detector test!
Be careful about emergancy room visits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can and will take your kids away for so called sexual trauma that you KNEW nothing about! They question your kids for HOURS until they say what ever the police want them to say! Then they Turn on you for it!
But still to this day it is now March of 2009 I have only seen my infant a hand full of times because CPS stole him. I have only seen my kids with Supervised visits.
I didnt do anything! I didnt know anything. And the Police's story on my children I know are wrong because I was there when it happend and the state wont let me take a lie detector test!
Be careful about emergancy room visits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can and will take your kids away for so called sexual trauma that you KNEW nothing about! They question your kids for HOURS until they say what ever the police want them to say! Then they Turn on you for it!
I think that its very inappropriate and very offensive that you would list gays in a category with such horrible actions and no you can't blame the parents or anyone for someone being who they are!! No I'm not gay but I do support the Gay/Lesbian community and I'm sorry you don't know what to do with your son. Hopefully things work out for you and your family.. God Bless
I don't understand why in the world these young children are allow to run around like lose cannons with minimal supervision. If I were able to follow my son around he wouldn't get away or do half of the things he does, but I can't.
My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and from what I've read I think he has ODD with it because of his behavior. He is very smart but, his impulses make him OUT OF CONTROL! I know boys and typically aggressive and just plain bizarre, but he takes it to a whole new level! The things he says and does would make your hair curl, and to him he thinks he's funny. I feel that I am constantly being judged by his teacher and principal, as if he picks these things up from us. I would like help out at his school, but I'm SO embarrassed and my anxiety is through the roof to the point where I don't even want to send him to school. He is such a magnet to trouble. He hasn't done anything in a sexual nature yet but it is inevitable.
Now I'm left racking my brain with the decision to medicate at such an early age. I feel that the school is leaving me no choice in the matter.
I'm constantly searching the internet for advise or ideas to help my son.
I appreciate people posting their stories, at least I know I'm not alone.
My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and from what I've read I think he has ODD with it because of his behavior. He is very smart but, his impulses make him OUT OF CONTROL! I know boys and typically aggressive and just plain bizarre, but he takes it to a whole new level! The things he says and does would make your hair curl, and to him he thinks he's funny. I feel that I am constantly being judged by his teacher and principal, as if he picks these things up from us. I would like help out at his school, but I'm SO embarrassed and my anxiety is through the roof to the point where I don't even want to send him to school. He is such a magnet to trouble. He hasn't done anything in a sexual nature yet but it is inevitable.
Now I'm left racking my brain with the decision to medicate at such an early age. I feel that the school is leaving me no choice in the matter.
I'm constantly searching the internet for advise or ideas to help my son.
I appreciate people posting their stories, at least I know I'm not alone.
Hello Shellie80,
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
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