6 year old expelled from school for bad behaviour, but is very good at home

[cookiek]

Please help.My just turned six year old son has been to fourschools since he turned  and has been asked to leave each one of them due to to exreme bad behaviour. He refuses to do what teachers tell him to do, and has even hit out at them. At school he refused to do any work or join in any craft or games activities. He was using bad language and verbaly and physically assauting other children. He did not respond to time out and does not care for sticker charts. He would promise us that he would not misbehave again, but everyday we were called in to hear a rap sheet of things he had done.

He is now homeschooled,as we cannot put ourselves through him being expelled from yet anoher school, and we have been homeschooling him for 5 months, but is being very defiant towards his tutor who comes in two afternoons per week. Refusing to learn for her and generally being very rude to her and messing around, just like he did in school. He also goes to a learning centre twice a week, but tonight we were told he was not welcome there anymore as he is being very difient and breaking the rules of the centre time and time again.

[maggiemay70]

Thank you so much for your reply- it does help a lot. I do NOT want to be one of those parents who is in denial about her child's behavior (I teach college and have seen what those kids grow up to be!), but in this case, I am just not seeing anything other than a strong-willed, intelligent kid who needs more outlets than he's getting.

I will absolutely order the book (my son tends to like and respond to a "rules" approach at home), and look into other care situations for him.

[Sandman2]

    It really does sound like the problem is more the school, then your child.
I would bet that if he could go out after lunch and run around like all children do in elementary school after lunch,  he would be a very different child.
    Kind of makes me wonder if this school does much in the way of physical activity with their students.  Is he one of the older kids there?  If not maybe the school could try letting him play with the older kids after lunch (if they even do that).  The school needs to try timeouts with him instead of calling you.   As you have said, all they are doing is rewarding him for his behavior.
   The clinical rule for something like ADHD is that it has to appear in two places (typically home and school).  If this is what the psyc would be looking for,  sounds like you are wasting his time.
    You could try buying, "Know and follow Rules" - http://www.amazon.com/Follow-Rules-Cheri-Meiners-M-Ed/dp/1575421305/ref=pd_sim_b_4#
It is aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd and meant to be read aloud several times.   The link also has several other good books listed below.
   If I were you, I would use your time to check out other schools or daycare situations that might be better suited for your son.
   Hope this helps.

[maggiemay70]

Oh, and about the observation: Both my husband and I have gone to observe a few times (when he hasn't known we were there) - and conveniently, he has been perfectly well behaved on those days!

When we bring him home from school because of his behavior, it's no picnic here - we take away privileges and often I have to work so he doesn't get a lot of attention.

We took him to his pediatrician with the express purpose of looking at behavioral issues - the dr saw nothing unusual. We have a school psychologist scheduled to observe him in class in early November, and a psych assessment scheduled for December (the soonest we could get in). In the mean time, I wondering if there is anything (else) I can do to motivate him to behave while in school??? Or what else should the school be doing to motivate him?  

Argh. So sick to my stomach trying to deal with this.

[maggiemay70]

Thanks for asking about it. His problems typically begin after lunch. Part of the issue is that the school has an enforced nap/quiet time (students his age have to nap or stay quiet on their mats for an hour) and he has not napped for a year or more (at home or anywhere else). So that's an hour that he's basically trying to hold it together and frequently unable to do so.

Some of his very disruptive behavior (throwing things in the classroom, peeing in a wastebasket!) led the school to have us come and pick him up early several days in a row. Well, that has now taught my son that if he misbehaves, he gets to go home and be with mom, so his bad behavior is occurring more frequently, and starting earlier in the day.

He is what I would call a "strong willed child." He's always been a limit-tester and likes to argue. His verbal abilities are off the charts (literally - he speaks better and has a larger vocabulary than many kids twice his age). But he's quite well-behaved at home and he loves to help us (he always helps me in the kitchen, helps my husband in the yard) and is gentle with our pets and his friends. He rarely tantrums.

I feel so helpless because it seems we're in a terrible cycle where he knows that the worse he behaves at school, the sooner he'll be sent home, which is really where he wants to be. Both my husband and I work, so that isn't an option.

[Sandman2]

   Give us a bit more info.  You said he is in trouble half the time at school.  What part of the day is this?  Does he have a different teacher at this time?   Have you personally observed him during this time to check out the situation?
    Kids who have problems at the start of the day usually have very different triggers from kids who have problems at the end of the school day.  So the question about his teacher is really important!  

[maggiemay70]

Cookiek,

Thank you for posting this and thank you for the update especially. I am in the middle of this with my nearly-4-year-old son and I am in hell. He is simply a delight at home and (from the way his teachers tell it) a holy terror half the time at school. I am so happy to hear about the light at the end of your tunnel, and so grateful you shared your experience. I can only pray our story ends similarly. Thank you.