Autistic with gender preference?

[irrelevance]

I have a younger brother who is 13.. He is autistic. That makes it a little harder to distinguish what may or may not be "normal behavior" since his initial "normal behavior" is limitted to begin with. Hoping for some opinions on the matter.. I see all kinds of "gender preference/gender confusion" guestions on this forum.. Although it will be a tough one, I think... This will be long, but Here goes...

He has always preferred female characters in games, which was really no big deal. As he got a little older he started playing sims games.. He was ALWAYS the females. He simply favored the girls against the guys. He is very interested in the girls' clothing/fashion (Which I am aware, none of this really has to mean anything, exactly.. But here's where it gets a little interesting) A few months ago he had a girlfriend (which yes, does say something in the matter.. but I don't think he ever saw her that way, as a 'love interest' just someone to play video games with and borrow her games.. He loves video games..) and I had caught word from my step brother somewhere along the way of her making him wear a dress and use make up.....
Well, I've noticed some increasingly strange things.. He always hides the computer screen and what he is doing. He's very secretive and private.. So one day I went to check up on his History just to check to see he wasn't looking at anything that could potentially be bad, for many different reasons. I didn't find anything too bad, but something a little odd, I though. He had looked at a lot of pictures of high heels, and typed in google or some other "Ask" site,  "Do boys wear high heels" or "Can boys wear high heels"... I thought that was a little odd, made a note of it.. I mentioned it to my mom.. We talked about it a little, but didn't think really too much of it.
I've finally started to get him to not hide what he's doing so much.. So since this is a huge step (in my eyes) I did not want to interfere or show too much interest in what he was doing/looking at. But I did happen to see him watching a YouTube video of a girl putting make up on a boy who was tied up in a chair [some young teens messing around].. Then he was browsing through the videos and I realized he had set up a search for make up to see what came up. Well, then I came back through and saw a video of an older teenage boy with girls clothes on and fake breasts just goofing off and the video titled "I gave my boyfriend a make over"

I truly have no idea what to make of all this. I'm not sure if my step brother got it wrong about his girlfriend MAKING him wear the dress and such, or maybe the oppertunity was there and he just did it (due to the obvious interest..) OR, if she had gotten him interested in these kinds of things which is causing the behavior.
I also do not know what this might possibly mean about him.. It seems he's really interested in wearing girls things/clothes and such..
Unfortunately our family does not talk to eachother and is rather dysfunctional.. So he has not brought this up to any of us, and nor has anyone asked. He is probably afraid to, I believe he feels judged, even here. [Due to someone in the house].. I thought about trying to talk with him, especially since I am the best one at communicating with him, as I've been doing it my whole life. He and I were always so close in age.. [3 years] But I don't exactly know what to say or ask.. I also do not want to push him away, or make him even more secretive or to feel judged. There is a bit more to the situation, But I've already wrote a lot..

I can atleast say though, that the men in his life have ALWAYS been far less than admirable.. The one who is supposed to be a "father figure" now, is a total $&@%! and he sort of talks to my brother like a dog at times.. I try my hardest to defend him... But regardless, that's another story..
I'm also afraid my step dad may see what my brother has been looking at and make a mean comment or yell at him and drive him further into confusion/hiding..  I'm so confused on what to do.

Please advise.

[Pum]

You sound like a very caring sister, not to mention one with very good writing skills. You sound like you have a good attitude. Your brother will have to make his way in the world whether this is a phase or something he ends up doing more in the future. I don't know much about cross-dressing but there certainly seem to be enough people that do it that he should find some friends even if some of his family might not be able to cope with the concept. I think the issue is more around cross-dressing rather than gender confusion but who knows.

Your job is to love him, support him, and be there if the s.. hits the fan. You do not need to take on all the worries or neccessarily "do" anything. His parents are the parents/grown ups/adults.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I myself have an intellectually disabled younger sister and I know the relationship can be complicated. Good luck. You sound like you accept him for whatever he does or is and that is a great example.

[AHP84]

Maybe you could start a conversation with him next time you see him looking at this stuff on the computer. Confront him in a very non-threatening, non-judgmental way as if you're just passing by and see what he's looking at, and be like, "Hey that's cool. What a funny video clip, that dude is being a real goof! Can I watch with you?" And then from there just open up a conversation to get a feel for how he's "processing" what he's seeing.
Or maybe bring up the topic when he's not looking at those things on the computer, and just start talking about make up and high heels and stuff. Carry on the conversation from there and see where it leads and what he thinks about it.
I think after you find out how he's processing all this "girl stuff," whether it's just a humor interest or if it is in fact a gender preference, you can take it from there.

[margypops]

Well here is the chance to talk to him, tell him you have seen what he watches and ask him about it, open up the conversation, he may be simply curious with Hormones going mad at that age. I have seen many many times problems when kids have their own PC in their own room, its always best if they have to have their own to keep it full view in the living or Den area,and parents should vet what they are watching and doing.ASk him, am\nd also check out if there is any negative behavior coming from anyone else.