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Awareness of infants and toddlers
This is not a question but a baffling observation.
Today my 5-year-old son was about to fall asleep then sat up again and said: "Mommy, did you know - your brother is dead." I gulped but I know my brother is alive. "When we went to Europe" he continued, "he was already dead and we put flowers in front of the RIP stone. People are dead forever until they get better. Your brother is in a nice box and when he wants the flowers, he pulls them through the soil."
Reality is that we did fly to Europe when my son was just 14 months old and my dad - not my brother - had passed away just a day before we arrived to introduce his new grandson to him. Totally unexpected, no illness. My son witnessed my heartache and the funeral and the foreign country but by no means did he speak more than about 30 words back then. During the funeral, he pushed his toy car around the chapel humming happily. People are still touched how life and death were so close together in one room.
I never spoke about these days later on with him or anyone. There are no pictures. And today, 5 years later, he summarized what he had seen as a baby. It makes me feel for all the kids who experience much worse and can not talk about it.
Today my 5-year-old son was about to fall asleep then sat up again and said: "Mommy, did you know - your brother is dead." I gulped but I know my brother is alive. "When we went to Europe" he continued, "he was already dead and we put flowers in front of the RIP stone. People are dead forever until they get better. Your brother is in a nice box and when he wants the flowers, he pulls them through the soil."
Reality is that we did fly to Europe when my son was just 14 months old and my dad - not my brother - had passed away just a day before we arrived to introduce his new grandson to him. Totally unexpected, no illness. My son witnessed my heartache and the funeral and the foreign country but by no means did he speak more than about 30 words back then. During the funeral, he pushed his toy car around the chapel humming happily. People are still touched how life and death were so close together in one room.
I never spoke about these days later on with him or anyone. There are no pictures. And today, 5 years later, he summarized what he had seen as a baby. It makes me feel for all the kids who experience much worse and can not talk about it.
Wow crazy. I watch sylvia browne alot and she is saying how more kids coming in to the world are most psychic to these things. That would of freaked me out!
Thats interesting. Remember when I said I remembered my sister sitting next to me in the car crying because she had left her favorite doll? So, I wasn't seeing me, I was seeing her and the car. I was about three then, I think. I guess that would make sense. You wouldn't normally see yourself, would you? Interesting.
Years ago, my psychology professor told the class to think back to an early childhood memory. He gave us a few minutes to come up with one and then he told us that if you see yourself in the "memory", it's likely not a memory after all. He said that true memories are visualized from your perspective. That was interesting because my memory was of me in a stroller--my mom had put Baby Magic on my face and she turned to lock the front door and when she turned around, there was a wasp on my face and she freaked out. I always thought that was a memory, but when I "remembered" it, I pictured myself in the stroller with a wasp on my face. I obviously heard her telling the story to someone at some point in time after the fact and I envisioned it from her perspective, creating a "memory" for myself that was not actually a memory at all.
That's not to say that people don't have true early memories, but I wonder how many perceived memories are actual memories. My son swears he remembers being born. When I say that he probably just thinks he remembers because he saw the video of his birth, he gets really upset and describes how it was really dark and muffled and then suddenly it was really, really bright, noisy, and cold. He says he remembers being put into a sink and can see the sprayer where the water comes out. When I ask him if he can see the nurse carrying him to the sink, he says no...he doesn't see himself at all. So maybe it is a memory? Or maybe he imagined it all from his own perspective after seeing the video? Hard to tell really.
Interesting topic, though!
That's not to say that people don't have true early memories, but I wonder how many perceived memories are actual memories. My son swears he remembers being born. When I say that he probably just thinks he remembers because he saw the video of his birth, he gets really upset and describes how it was really dark and muffled and then suddenly it was really, really bright, noisy, and cold. He says he remembers being put into a sink and can see the sprayer where the water comes out. When I ask him if he can see the nurse carrying him to the sink, he says no...he doesn't see himself at all. So maybe it is a memory? Or maybe he imagined it all from his own perspective after seeing the video? Hard to tell really.
Interesting topic, though!
RockRose, you`re defeating all my theories with your stories...just kidding. How amazing and cute, the mutual diaper dance memories.
I too believe that there are different types of brain wiring. Some kids live and think in the here and now and are rather the what-you-see-is-what-you-get types, others have more of the artistic brain that constantly looks around and tries to link past and present visuals and thoughts. The first group may not be interested in having all these childhood memories and may be the type husband - or wife - that looks at the beautiful sunset with a shrug "so, what`s for dinner". The other may be the adult type who never stops searching for whatever makes them feel alive.
I too believe that there are different types of brain wiring. Some kids live and think in the here and now and are rather the what-you-see-is-what-you-get types, others have more of the artistic brain that constantly looks around and tries to link past and present visuals and thoughts. The first group may not be interested in having all these childhood memories and may be the type husband - or wife - that looks at the beautiful sunset with a shrug "so, what`s for dinner". The other may be the adult type who never stops searching for whatever makes them feel alive.
Trial, that's such an interesting memory. The memory of the crib bars, and the footsteps, and you thinking it was hopefully just your heartbeat. You have a very detailed long term memory, and also an awareness of heartbeat that is surprising.
I really think there are several types of brains. There are those who have very clear long term memory, some are kind of in the middle, and some have really good short term memories.
I've lived in this same house since 1987, and my now 18 year old has brought kids over to the house who had been here ages ago - in their preschool years and not ever since. From playgroup days. Some of the kids say oh I remember this house, and they name a detail that is true. Some others just have blank stares, they don't remember at all, and in fact, don't remember the playgroup at all. It's a different brain type, and none of these kids are unintelligent.
I have another story that just occurred to me - my oldest son and the son of one of my best friends used to go to the same babysitter, Eva, when they were toddlers. They stopped going there at the age of 3. One day when my son was about 16 an Elvis Presley song came on the radio - "You ain't nothin but a hound dog". My son laughed and said back at Eva's house, Jeffrey used to dance to that song until his diaper came off. He and I both stared at each other - how do you remember that? Jeffrey was out of diapers well before 3 years old. So I called my friend Jill and told her the story and asked if she could ask Jeffrey if he also had that memory. I heard her shout to him, hey when you and Tim were at Eva's house, and Elvis Presley sang You Ain't Nothin But a Hounddog, what did you do? I heard this long pause, and then loud laughter in the background - I would dance until my diaper came off.
Some kids have really long memories. I've encountered other kids who can't remember anything in kindergarten. ???
I really think there are several types of brains. There are those who have very clear long term memory, some are kind of in the middle, and some have really good short term memories.
I've lived in this same house since 1987, and my now 18 year old has brought kids over to the house who had been here ages ago - in their preschool years and not ever since. From playgroup days. Some of the kids say oh I remember this house, and they name a detail that is true. Some others just have blank stares, they don't remember at all, and in fact, don't remember the playgroup at all. It's a different brain type, and none of these kids are unintelligent.
I have another story that just occurred to me - my oldest son and the son of one of my best friends used to go to the same babysitter, Eva, when they were toddlers. They stopped going there at the age of 3. One day when my son was about 16 an Elvis Presley song came on the radio - "You ain't nothin but a hound dog". My son laughed and said back at Eva's house, Jeffrey used to dance to that song until his diaper came off. He and I both stared at each other - how do you remember that? Jeffrey was out of diapers well before 3 years old. So I called my friend Jill and told her the story and asked if she could ask Jeffrey if he also had that memory. I heard her shout to him, hey when you and Tim were at Eva's house, and Elvis Presley sang You Ain't Nothin But a Hounddog, what did you do? I heard this long pause, and then loud laughter in the background - I would dance until my diaper came off.
Some kids have really long memories. I've encountered other kids who can't remember anything in kindergarten. ???
Great idea to do our own early childhood memory research!
But first - April, I started replying to you last night but then decided to do some internet research on this first. One interesting psychology and science report noted that kids do actually remember very early childhood events back into infancy - for a while. And then, after about age 8, our brain seems to purge excess memory, to make room for new experience maybe... So if that theory is realistic, it would be possible for a 5-year-old to remember something he has seen as a baby. In my son`s case I can imagine that he "connected the dots": we spoke about Halloween and cemeteries and tombstones and death recently, out of context. Possibly he related that to the visual memories of the real funeral 5 years prior. By the way, your first memory is so heart wrenching. Glad you have a great family of your own now.
RockRose, your description would contradict the theory that adults purge their memories before age 3. You remember very well. And sophisticated that was! Not too many parents would believe that a baby or toddler could feel insulted, despite a few babycare books that ask parents to treat even their newborn with the same respect they would display for grown-ups.
My first precise memory would be a hospital stay for tonsillectomy at age 3, however I do have rather sketchy memories of me in a crib waking up in panic because I thought I heard foot steps - and it was actually just my own heartbeat that scared me or so I told myself. But the vision of those crib bars and then my dad checking on me is still there. It must have been between age 1 and 2. I still don`t know if I felt like that just once but I was scared of my dad and often dreamt that I should rather sleep under my bed so nobody could find me....
But first - April, I started replying to you last night but then decided to do some internet research on this first. One interesting psychology and science report noted that kids do actually remember very early childhood events back into infancy - for a while. And then, after about age 8, our brain seems to purge excess memory, to make room for new experience maybe... So if that theory is realistic, it would be possible for a 5-year-old to remember something he has seen as a baby. In my son`s case I can imagine that he "connected the dots": we spoke about Halloween and cemeteries and tombstones and death recently, out of context. Possibly he related that to the visual memories of the real funeral 5 years prior. By the way, your first memory is so heart wrenching. Glad you have a great family of your own now.
RockRose, your description would contradict the theory that adults purge their memories before age 3. You remember very well. And sophisticated that was! Not too many parents would believe that a baby or toddler could feel insulted, despite a few babycare books that ask parents to treat even their newborn with the same respect they would display for grown-ups.
My first precise memory would be a hospital stay for tonsillectomy at age 3, however I do have rather sketchy memories of me in a crib waking up in panic because I thought I heard foot steps - and it was actually just my own heartbeat that scared me or so I told myself. But the vision of those crib bars and then my dad checking on me is still there. It must have been between age 1 and 2. I still don`t know if I felt like that just once but I was scared of my dad and often dreamt that I should rather sleep under my bed so nobody could find me....
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