Can you please help me?

[patsyburrell]

My husband and I have been married over 20 years and we have a 18 year old daughter and 14 year old son.  My husband never give my daughter the time of day.  Her and I have always been so close.  It''s all different now, she never wants to be around me and it appears she hates the sight of me.  My husband has been going to her bedroom constantly laying on her bed and talking.  Then of course he says he fell asleep but this is now an everynight situation and now he wants her to go everywhere with him.  Their whole relationship is different.  Could he possibly be having sex with his own daughter?  What do you think is really going on?


This discussion is related to Sleeping in bed with mom.

[jimmorrisonsbutt]

Dude. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a year and ended up having a sexual relationship with the husband. This is EXACTLY what we did. He would help me with homework and then fall asleep and then early in the morning the wife would realize and come down and get him. We went to the store together, on walks at night, watched movies together, I helped him with building projects. We weren't actually related and his wife was evil so it's not as ****** up as yours but I wholeheartedly believe that's what's going on in your home. And my gradual infatuation with him was also my gradual hatred of the wife. So that's you in this scenario. And that explains why your daughter doesn't want to be around you. She's jealous. You gotta get him out of your house. Your daughter is going to hate you for it but know that you're doing that right thing. And get her some therapy. It takes time. But you cannot let her be around him anymore.

[Tbj424]

You can't just say that she is jealous and that is why she is acting like that. She could also be really upset with her mother for not being able to see what is happening behind closed doors with her dad. That's usually how teens act. The "how could they let this happen???" thought. I know it sounds like it doesn't make sense, but that is how they feel. Like "they know me well enough to know that I'm not OK" its a very uncomfortable thing to talk about with a parent because of fear of said parents reaction.

[jimmorrisonsbutt]

And asking them will not help. If she's 18 she's going to be pissed at you and loyal to him. Father figures can get a real hold on a girls mind. She's gonna protect him and protect their "relationship". She's living in a fantasy and it's probably hurting her very very badly. Asking him will not help. He will probably tell you she's going through something and needs support or it's weird teenager stuff or an excuse like that. You'll know if you have asked him... get him out. I agree with the waiting until the middle of the night to walk in. Or just listen outside of the door. Make them think you're asleep. I know all of this. I've done it before.

[GavinGarrett]

I say hidden camera. Even though this situation has probably already ended.

[Mondy777]

Well let me start by saying Im glad Im not a member of your family's  if a father cant fall asleep on his daughters bed without been branded a peadophile or pervert. Have you ever thought that they have just bonded after 18 years of missed relationship. Maybe your marriage has broken down in his eyes and it is an escape for him?? Dont get me wrong there could be something more sinister but this is a man you have been married to for over 20 years and have two children with, surely peadophila and insest are not the first conclusions you can come to. I truely hope you sort your problem out and I truely hope its an innocent explication.

[boo_kitty]

I'm sorry, but it is in no way, shape or form normal for a GROWN MAN to suddenly sleep in his daughter's room whom he had no relationship with before.... No, it is NOT normal.

[Kinsleyc]

I'm glad your not a member of this family either! I have never heard of a father crawling into bed with his grown *** daughter! This is really disturbing and definately strange.The girl is 18! Sorry not right! If it is a situation where  he's having trouble in the marriage area with his wife and wants some space there's a damn couch he can sleep on! The 18 year old daughter's bed is unacceptable!
This needs to be investigated this poor girl will be ruined for the rest of her life all because the man(perv) she calls dad wants to manipulate and prey on his daughter ...Disgusting he's a predator for sure! What the hell is wrong with this damn world!!!

[deadsirius]

If it was like once a week thing maybe but every night? if it didnt happen before? i wouldnt automatically go for predator maybe, seems a bit extreme, but it is strange if it suddenly happens every night, in bed, not in the living room or something. Porn sites will also show you that some men have very disturbing fantasies involving their daughters (as do daughters involving their fathers but theyre hormonal kids, the adult should know better). The fact that the number of these men (and women) is more than 0 is concerning.

[Imran_123]

Don't spoil your relationship with your husband and always keep watch on them. Dont worry If your husband's nature is good then he will never have sex with his own daughter. And give more love to her and always be agree with her.try to take out her for 3 to 4days .

[yetolder]

Imran_123, sorry but you are very naive about this. I and my sister, by turns, were both victims of this and our father was a paragon of virtue in others' eyes. When I finally ran away at 16 (upon which he started grooming my younger sister, unbeknownst to anyone) I agree with both the commenters, one mentioning the girl's changed attitude toward Mom being borne of jealousy and the other saying the girl could be resenting the mother's inaction. A third possibility about her attitude change is guilt. But the daughter's sudden alienation from Mom is a dead giveaway that something very unwholesome is going on, had resulted in or is leading up to sexual relations between dad and daughter (with luck, you can stop it while he's still grooming her mind to that end.) By the way, another clue is in the fact that Dad never related to the daughter before taking this sexualized interest in her: he either is psychopathic and never felt a fatherly bond with her, which of course lets her appear to him as sexually desirable; or, more commonly seen, perhaps he was always nonplussed about how to relate to her if she happens to be very appealing to him - many diligent fathers struggle with this, and maybe the loose mores of modern culture have deluded him to think anything goes now that she's adult. Clutch your pearls, people, and then get over it and jump into action. This sh!t definitely happens, oftener than we'd like to think; it has always happened, even i  the straight-laced "good old days" in the 1950s when it happened to me, which I was told by the authorities when I went to them for help with emancipation as an i dependent minor. Get him out, with the added barrier of a restraining order specifying any contact with daughter; better yet, because he obviously doesn't care about rules and conventions, just get yourself and daughter out together, even to a women's shelter if need be. Daughter will need lots of therapy, needless to say.

[Kdon76]

Obviously him falling asleep in her bed on a daily basis is not normal. It's normal to bond but must it always be at night? Hopefully it's innocent, but the fact that your relationship with your daughter has changed also sets off a red flag. Trust your gut. Talk to your daughter in a non-accusatory manner. Try to find out what's causing the tension. Could it be your husband is opening up to her about marital problems & she's become resentful or could the cause be more sinister in nature. Regardless, start by opening the lines of communication with your daughter. After all, it's your duty to protect her.