I am very concerned about my 7 year old daughter

[TAMIMAC]

I am the parent of a 7 1/2 year old girl. Six years ago I lost suddenly my 4 1/2 year old son, my daughter was exactly two weeks from her first birthday. To say her entire childhood so far has been with 2 broken parents is accurate. We try very hard to give her a normal life, she is outgoing, loving,intellegent ans into every sport/club you can imagine. My husband works shift work, but i work around her school hours and I am never far away from her. My son who passed away died very suddenly with a bowel obstruction. He had complained of stomach pain all the time - i had him to specialists, doctors all the time - in the end an emergency room visit where the doctor refused to call in a n xray techniction in the middle of the night was how he died basically. My worst night mare came true. I have never expressed the fears I have had for her ever for fear that it would scare her and my husband and I have never told her that her brother died throwing up and in excrutiating stomach pain. I think maybe some of the neighbourhood kids may have said some things to her at times, heard probably third hand through their parents. In the last 2 months, my daughter tells me every single day that her tummy is sore. If she is at the activities that she loves - 7-10 times she wants to leave because her tummy is sore. If she goes to a friends for a sleep over, the last 10 times she tried I ended up coming and getting her - tummy is sore. Now she has never vomited or had any physical symptoms that would explain the " tummy hurts" - I had her to the doctor ans all is well inside her little body. Could the pains in her tummy be seperation anxiety, and because of what happened to my son I am reading more into it? I read articles where at the age 7-8 alot of children all of a sudden don't want to be seperated at all from their parents, could she be using " my tummy hurts as an excuse?" should I look into some outside help for this or ride it out? I have problems with aniety myself ans I am medication for this ans it controls it very well - could anxiety be possible in her as it is me? Another thing that is disturbing is that she asks me daily if my tummy hurts ans am i going to throw up and am i sick? if so she gets extremly upset and i have to reassur her i am fine every single day, more then once a day lately.

[TAMIMAC]

maybe she did, or senses us. I am going to try some of your suggestions - thank you.

[margypops]

Has she never heard you say anything perhaps to her Dad ,it is also possible that other children may have said something to her.but it would be minor children dont dwell on these things thats an adult way of handling stuff,kids accept everything  have you ever noticed that. how about you ignore it next time she says to you she has a stomach pain, say 'Ok It will be gone soon, " and say no more, get her distracted and busy doing something, you can always keep an eye on her in case she really is sick, so next time treat it with not much attention , I do believe that children react to us and our behaviors and feelings.If you are concerned I would say Yes you could ask for some help with a counsellor but sometimes there is no need to go this route too much leaping to Doctors for behaviors, then next thing they are on meds with nasty side effects,  .Again though it never hurts to ask for advice and help.

[TAMIMAC]

Thank-you for your helpfull comments. Thing is, since being on medication for the past 4 years - I do not show any concern or dwell on the stomach pain thing - infact I appear to be very calm and in most cases i am. I do  and have been seeing a councellor for years. That is why I am so confused as she never ever sees from myself or my husband any kind of fear in relation to the stomach pain issue. I am wondering if I am reading too much into thinking that she is focusing on that  - understand what I am trying to say? I feel she is having seperation issues now all of a sudden, but ironically instead of saying i miss you - she says her tummy hurts. She hasn't wanted to sleep in her own bed for the last month either - when I try to get her to - " my tummy hurts". It is almost like she knows that one phrase horrifys me inside - but I don't know how she could actually know that. Why is she so concerned about me having stomach pain ans if I am going to throw - up? Could someone have told her?

[margypops]

My sympathies go out to you on the loss of your son, it must be hard to bear at times. I am wondering if you are making your daughter anxious as you seem to be dwelling on your son and the way he died, these are your anxieties but she seems to be picking up on them, perhaps when she gets a regular stomach ache you are immediatly worrying , and fussing over her.As she was very young when it happened all her thoughts and memories come from you. It could be a good idea for you to get some counselling to deal with your fears, I appreciate your concerns ,for her, she is probably picking it up from you so you would do better to let it go when she is around , .