Dear, what the heck are you doing? This is nuts. Sorry---------- I'll be more professional. This really does not make sense. Why on heaven's name are you tying your life to this man that has a complicated life with his kids and his ex and you don't like his kids or what he does for and with his kids? I started to count how many times you said his son "bugs you" and gave up.
Being with a man isn't worth this. It really isn't good for his kids or yours. Or you.
Blending a family for real takes a tremendous amount of work. You seem overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and fed up. The writing is on the wall that this is going to glow up at some point.
Kids in his kids position are quite vulnerable. They shouldn't be living with a lady they "bug". They are their father's main priority and deserve a household in which they are loved and wanted. Don't you think? Wouldn't you want that for your kids? And heck yeah, they are acting out a bit because they have a bone head mom (his ex) and lots going on in their life for young little emotions. Your kids too might start acting out due to all of this. I just think it is a bad situation all the way around.
I do with you luck. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear------------ but it is my best advice from my heart for you. Leave now and start a more peaceful existance elsewhere.
Thank you for your answer. I have tried talking to him about taking his kids to therepy at first he didnt like the idea because he said there was nothing wrong with his kids. And his kids started acting this way when his ex came back. But we are just waiting for her to leave because now her child was born and has to return back to her deadbeat boyfriend in mexico who was deported for illegal activity. But at first those kids loved the attention I gave them because I told them they were equal and they had a positive energy. But then the 5 year old started acting out and being rude. My boyfriend went to a parent teacher confrence and the teacher was trying to move him from classes because he needed to be in an ESL class because he was too behind and he refused. But I think it was for another reason. The 5 year old urinates himself in school one every two weeks. My boyfriends divorce was very painful for his kids and I want to try to be there for them but the 5 and 3 year old dont give me the time of day, apart that im not in my territory. im hoping that when we move out it will get better because i wont have to watch my back with my boyfriends father who is there for thier every comand. i have tried to see my way out but I dont know whats holding me back. My kids are happy there with his. my 7 year old gets along so well with his 6 year old daughter. inseperable. And my son loves to play wih his 5 and 3 year old but I think they just have it towards me. And he does it to bug me. Again Thank you for your answer specialmom!
Ya know, I really do think it is best that you end this relationship. I think these issues are just the tip of the ice burg of what is to come. I think that ----------- please don't get mad----------- but have some skewed thinking about his kids yourself. They are 5 and 3! They aren't "in it to get you" as that is a little self centered of you. They are little kids just trying to make it through when some of the grown ups in their life aren't acting very grown up. That he is being switched due to being behind------------ if you plan on being a mother to this boy, you will have to increase your patience and work tirelessly to help him overcome any issues he has. Urinating is not why a teacher would remove a child as it has to be done for a legal reason and I guess just the lack of compassion I hear on your part makes me convinced that this will end badly with damage done to everyone.
Every kid loves a play mate and all but that is not reason to submit your life to what is clearly emotional chaos for you. And don't put yourself in the position of not being happy with your own feelings and actions. I'm sure you feel guilty for not liking/being bugged by the boy. I'm sure you are conflicted. Give yourself the chance to be the best woman you can be and don't set yourself up to fail at that. I'm being blunt and hope you don't mind. It is with the best of intentions. You can get out now and no real harm is done--------- but if you wait, I assure you damage will begin. And remember, the ex may leave now for Mexico (which is sad for the kids and another blow to their young emotional state) but . . . she WILL be back. Okay dear, I really do with you a lot of luck. This is a hard situation!
This is a hard situation, but you knw I hate to say it but maybe it would be better fo ryou to move back out on your own again. Maybe you guys could still date, but he needs to get his house in order and the kids need to get things in order too. Kids are highly vulnerable and it doesn't take much to get things stirred up again.
I'm a single mom myself, really though, I hesitate at getting too involved with someone again. I just hear about these types of problems a lot. I might do it when my son is older and he's calmed down, but right now my very first priority is my son and not my romantic life.
to me, it sounds like thingsa re just too difficult to manage at this point. I think the boy may be acting out due to the mom and her behaviour. It's so hard on kids and it's hard on the parents too.
People at work ask me if I'm dating again, but honestly I don't have the time or energy at this point to put into a relationship and I have a really hard enough time dealing with my own child, I don't want to take on someone else's issues. I've been there and done that, I was married to an alcoholic and talk about a destabilizing thing to go through. YOu never know what is going to happen next with them.
But I want to get involved with someone who has "it together" and I don't want to have to be solving someone else's issues. I don't want to be codependent.
I hoep this is not too harsh. But maybe you could work it out fi you went to some counseling and took it slow and you lived separate. It might be easier on the kids too.