Suspect Husbands parents of abusing 3 year old niece

[Rachellynn33]

Hi my name is rachel.  I have an amazing husband and the most amazing neice who we are in love with.  Unfortunately my husband came from a very abusive family.  His father molested him as a child and his mother knew but didn't do anything.  His mother and father are both extremely emotionally abusive to him as well which is why we don't see them anymore.  Our niece who is 3 is over at their house a lot and the times I've been there with her she always looks uncomfortable.  The grandparents fight CONSTANTLY in front of her.  Screaming matches like nothing I've ever heard.  They refuse to put a gate around the pool area where she plays and her grandfather has 8 marijuana plants out in the open.  My husband and i have spoken to her parents many times but they don't care.  My sister-in-law actually accused my husband of lying when he came out as being molested.  I'm VERY concerned for my niece's well being. I'm worried that she is in danger.  Should I call CPS?  Her safety is my #1 priority.  

[rockland45]

Whoa, I'm sorry there's a possibility this may be going on with your, niece. And it's sad her parents aren't more willing to check this out and make sure she's safe in your in-law's home. Without being there ourselves, it's hard to say for sure what your next step should be. What's your husband's take on this? Has he been seeing a therapist as far as dealing with his past abuse? If so, maybe they could give you some advice on what to be looking for here and when you should take steps to report your concerns. Just a thought!

rockland45
#girlluvs2garden#

[horseshoe2985]

I am so sorry to hear this. Can you call and talk to CPS? If you feel your niece is in danger, I would highly encourage you to talk to someone rather that be a counselor or CPS. I will keep you in my prayers.


Live, Laugh, and Cantor on

[RockRose]

Rachellynn,  I don't know what to make of this dynamic.  I'll say I've seen it before,  and it's very interesting to see it from the other perspective.

Here's the dynamic.  A man gets married,   and his wife,  on learning that he was abused as a child and seeing that is family dynamics are "rough",  tells the family they will no longer be in contact.  And everyone else in the family is surprised at the allegations of abuse and no one can seem to verify or validate the young man's story.

And then the new bride goes on the warpath against the family.

At this point you're probably about ready to throw me down a volcano for even bringing up this possibility,  but you will need to know that CPS will be sniffing around for this very dynamic if you call them.  Be prepared for them to close the case with "unfounded" if you allege that your husband had been abused.

On the other hand,  it DOES happen that one child can be singled out for abuse and the others aren't abused,  so CPS will also be very aware of that dynamic.

I wish you well in sorting all this out,  and in making your decision how to press forward.

In general,  other than this one thing,  does it seem the brother and sister in law generally are making wise decisions and are living their lives in a careful thoughtful way?   In general,  is the sister in law a good mother and reasonably protective of her daughter's best interest?

[specialmom]

By the way, I know of a family in which the father molested the teenage daughter.  She told when she was on her way leaving for college---  she told her priest who turned the man into authorities.  She did it because she had a younger sister.  She also had three older siblings that were not molested.  This dad went to jail for 4 years.  Now, years later, all but the daughter that was molested has a relationship with him.  They feel that he is their father and did good things as a father as well as the horrible heinous acts.  It is hard for me to understand because I am not in their shoes.  They also have a relationship with the molested sister.  I can't lie that I don't understand the dynamics.  But is it fair for me to judge them for not being willing to basically disown their father?  I'm not in their shoes.  And this is a case in which there is NO doubt he did it as he confessed.  

It's complicated.  Easy for you because you are not the one that was part of this family from the beginning.  But hard for those members of the family that were.  

That's just the reality. good luck

[specialmom]

All you can do is call CPS.  But be prepared that they will be cleared.  And then you must just move on.  You also don't know that he is molesting the little girl.  Remember that.  And the other things that are going on, the little girl's parents are aware of that and seem to be okay with it and therefore, it is their choice.  People fighting in front of kids is unfortunate but not illegal.  And some households have 'loud' people in them.  Would I choose to have my kids around it?  Probably not but then again, if I loved my parents and it was my norm, who knows.  

The idea of sexual molestation is the one to follow up on with CPS if you believe she is being molested.  Otherwise, the parents of the little girl have the right to bring her around her grandparents.  

You've washed your hands of them and I would make the CPS report in case their is abuse and then move on.  That's it.  That is all you can do.  good luck

[Rachellynn33]

This was many many months ago.  In the beginning of our marriage.  Like I stated, Since I met his parents, I have cut off ALL ties with them and let them know that neither or nor my husband will accept their abuse.  We haven't seen them since.  They don't think their behavior is a problem and my husband and I will not accept it.  

It's my Husband's brother daughter and my husband was the only one in the house that was sexually molested.  I don't even know if his brother was aware at all.  He is standing up for his parents and so is his sister-in-law even though we have warned them.  She says she doesn't believe my husband.  They are very very ill.  They are adults and are free to make their own choices but it's not ok for their daughter to be in danger.  

[specialmom]

First, it would be very very odd for you to spend any time with his mother and father.  Particularly his father.  

Yes, call CPS or your husband should telling his story of abuse as a child.  

But you need to cut off all contact with him.  

If CPS investigates and they deem the home safe for your niece to visit, then you've done all you can.  The sister in law also grew up in that home.  Do you think your husband was the only one he abused?  I ask that as a pointed question.  Your sister in law and brother n law are not unfamiliar with these people.  They too  have a history that they are basing their decision on.  Don't confront them.  Just call CPS and that is all you can do.  good luck