what am i doing wrong

[momntrouble]

my nine year old daughter has no respect for me or my fiance. She does not listen, nor like him. I have sat her down and talked to her, i have taken things away from her and still there is no change. This is causing a lot of issues between him and I and for the most part me and my daughter. She is turning in to a major smart mouth. Does not do anything she is told unless threatened with tv taken away, and sometimes that doesnt work. I don't want my daughter to hate me, but i do not want to loose him, what is the best way to deal with this problem? Any ideas????

[margypops]

Why doesnt she like him, have you asked her? what is his attitude to her, does he make an effort to win her over, play with her, talk to her, it is usually the adult who makes the first move to be friend not the child, you are saying its her , but has he really made an effort to be nice.How about you both focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right.

[specialmom]

I'd also add to margypops good comments that I would try to spend some time with her withOUT him so that she doesn't feel threatened by the relationship.  Good luck.

[Sandman2]

     Good point by all above.  Realize that she has figured out that you will have less time for her.  Don't know if you have ever been jealous of someone, but that's kind of what you are dealing with here.  Try to figure out where she is coming from, and then you can find the solution to dealing with the problem.  Outside of insisting that she be polite, discipline is not the way to deal with this.  
    I agree, he does need to go the extra mile.  But it really comes down to having a heart to heart talk - and really listening to her.  Its a great and wonderful change for you, you have got to convince her that it is or can be wonderful for her.

[k81990]

I'm 12. Its just a phase believe me. I went through it as well. your daughter is merly uncomfertable with your finace because she does not want change, it scares her. she thinks you don't love her anymore. you cannot take things away, believe me, it doesn't help, the more you threaten, the more she will disrespect, and talk back. your daughter is probably jealous, when my mother got a person from Living innovations i was so defiant, and jealous, you couldn't believe. just take time outs to talk to her, spend time with her, and all will be well.

- hope I helped.
please keep me posted. !
-katie.

[margypops]

I am sure you did help k8 that was great input , it gives us the perspective from the childs point of view. Thank you