Need help, out of control son.

[GAStressedOutMommy]

My son is 3, he's almost 4, be 4 in a couple of months, I believe he has autism, but the DR wouldn't test him, so in the process of finding a new dr for him now. But his behavior is getting so much worse, the last like month or so has been terrible, I'm losing my patience and my ability to spend time with him, because he's a terror. He just wants to sit on my lap a lot of the time, and even when he does, he's not listening to me, or he's not paying attention. He hits me and bits me and scratches me. He even hits himself, unfortunately he doesn't talk (partly why I wanted him to be tested) so it's hard getting him to explain why he's frustrated.
I take him outside 3-4 times a day, for a good 30 minutes to an hour each time. He sleeps a good 10-12 hrs at night, I've tried time outs, spankings, talking to him, it's ruining the relationship between me and my partner, he thinks he should be spanking him harder, I don't and have probably come to my son's rescue a few times, he'll listen to my partner more than me, but last week or two, he has been whining none stop, you ask him to play with his trucks, and he'll whine about it, you ask him to take off his shoes and he'll whine about it, doing daily tasks is hard especially in the house, when we leave the house, he's fine, barely does anything wrong, He's good in restaurants and the grocery stores.
I have a lot more patience than my partner, but mine is wearing thin, he has his good days, rarely anymore, but still has a few of them. It has taken me probably 20 minutes to write this, because he's not been listening to me. I'm a stay at home mom with him, but I'm also pregnant.
Me and my partner have been arguing a lot lately, and I don't know where he saw it, but he's now obsessed with Power Rangers.
Please Help.

[RockRose]

I agree with the others - your doctor is remiss in not referring you to specialists for further investigation/diagnosis of why he isn't talking about 3 1/2 years of age.  

And I agree you need to stop spanking him - especially your boyfriend.  Boyfriends are notorious for injuring their girlfriend's little boys.  

The solution seemed obvious - leave this guy and focus on your son but then I read your last statement that you're again pregnant.  

You will need to set some serious ground rules with your boyfriend to keep your son safe - and I don't actually think he'll be able to comply with them.  

Your son is in emotional and physical danger from your boyfriend.

[Sandman2]

   Yes, you need to find a good doctor as soon as possible.  The fact he can not talk at almost age 4 is highly unusual.  I am very surprised that your doctor hasn't picked up on this.  Has he been having regular checkups?
   And yes, if you can't talk you are going to be highly frustrated!!!   That could be a large part of the problem.  If you can't communicate, you will do things to get attention.  Have you ever had his hearing checked?  That could also be one reason he has trouble speaking?
   Knock off the spanking!  If it hasn't worked for you so far, I can guarantee it won't work if you keep doing it.  The reason is fairly simple.  You tend to not want to spank until the child has finally done something so bad that you are angry, upset, out of patience, or the child is in danger.  Point being that all the actions that have led up to this incident have been ignored because you don't want to be spanking him at every thing he does.  Thats why it doesn't work.  Behavioral modification happens when the consequences are immediate, and consistent.  That is not happening now.
Get the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark, on Amazon to learn how to give timeouts that work.
  And, I would imagine that the idea of a new child is also bothering to him.
  But mainly, you MUST deal with his speaking problem as soon as possible.  In fact, your local school district will get involved and help you.  If your doctor is slow to react, call your school district and ask to speak to someone in the special education department.  Tell them your son is almost 4 and cannot speak.
   Hope this helps1

[Ecologic]

Getting him evaluated as soon as possible for autism is certainly a good idea, if he is autistic therapy should be started ASAP. He may not be autistic, he may have dyspraxia or something else, who knows, only  a certified doctor can make a diagnosis.

As for the discipline issue... I personally am against spanking. It makes the child scared and is not a good way to create a loving bond with the child - my opinion.

Does he seem to understand your language, does he quickly obey when giving him orders? With my son when he is misbehaving, I tend to make threats such as he will not have his daily piece of chocolate if he is not obeying . This always works magics... (ex: he sometimes likes to pretend he is going to sleep in the bathtub... chocolate threat and he runs to his bedroom lol). I do not use it too often though. Praises also are a nice way to boost the child's self esteem when he does something well.

Your pregnancy could also play a role and make him anxious about the new baby, there are books to prepare your children, maybe you should look into getting a couple of them?

Good luck.

[MarkLakewood3367]

It sounds as if you should consult with a mental health professional about these behaviors as well as your relationship with your partner.  By your post, this sounds like a discipline issue.  A mental health professional would be best able to sort through these issues to determine the best course of action.