Not a concern, just a curiousity

[adgal]

So my 2 1/2 year old little boy behaves quite differently with my husband then he does with me.  Bedtime - his routine is the same regardless of who actually puts him to bed.  One or both of us reads a story with him in bed (or 2 or 3..lol), and both of us kiss and hug him goodnight.  However, if my husband leaves the room first and I am the one tucking him in and turning out the light, he gets so upset.  He wraps his arms around my neck and it's "mommy, you sleep with me" and he can get quite hysterical.  If I leave the room first and my husband tucks him in and turns off the light its "night night daddy" and he goes to sleep.  Tonight my husband had to come back in and I had to leave first so he would calm down.  Same sort of thing at daycare.  When I drop him off he gets so upset "I come with you mommy" and his teacher has to stand by the window so he can see me as I leave.  If my husband drops him off he waves bye bye and off he goes to play.  

We are pretty equal parents for the most part. He does spend and has always spent more time with me.  I took a year off when he was born, then for the next year and a half only worked part time (3 days a week).  I am returning to work full time next week, but even the days I work, I pick him up by 4:15 and we are home by 4:30.  My husband is often not home until 6ish.  But he plays with him, reads to him, changes diapers, bathes him, is very very involved - does everything I do when he is home.  100% committed daddy and they are very very close.  So I have to wonder why he accepts my husband leaving him for the day or is so much easier about going to bed with him.  I have never left him for any period of time (overnight is the most, and then only a very few occasions) where my husband travels fairly frequently.  So in my mind he would be more worried about my husband not coming back then he would be me?  It just seems backwards to me.  So I guess, just curious.

[adgal]

Thanks all.  I was out with Krichar today (some of you may know her, she is a long time MH member) and we were talking about this.  She seems to think it's normal too.  I guess I was looking at it as a sign of him being insecure with me, but I guess it's just because he and I do spend so much time together.  

ANd thanks for the kind thoughts about my husband.  He is a terrific dad (and husband most of the time..lol).  He really is involved.  RR I look forward to the donuts with dads day...ha.  I tend to spend a lot more time at Ryder's daycare then he does, but when he does go to an event there I get a kick out of watching him on this tiny little chairs...ha.

[nursegirl6572]

I, too think, that in most cases, the Mommy "bond" is a little bit different.  Not better, just different.  I think children tend to feel more emotionally "attached" to their Moms versus the Dads.

I got a kick out of the donuts with dads...muffins with mom comparison...too cute!  I think more schools should try to include the dads more, have more functions for the dads.  

Just like, when our school has "grandparents day", the kids just eat it up, it's great.  I think, overall, Moms have more exposure to those kinds of activities.  And, I'll second specialmom, adgal...you're an awesome mommy!  Your hubby sounds like a great dad too!

[margypops]

Dad's don't see them as much and I expect mom is the enforcer most times of discipline , mine are grown up but Dad still is given more slack than I , annoyingly so at times LOL In fact it maybe a good idea to ask Dad to play games with him more so the time is distributed ..good luck sounds normal to me .

[AHP84]

Definitely normal. I have the same thing going on in my home from both sides for me. My oldest pushes boundaries more with me, but not Dad, whereas my youngest is the opposite. Their personalities are so different that the dynamics of our parenting balances out each child; it's kinda funny, actually...and we don't even treat the kids differently or one more favorably than the other. It's all how our personalities work together or conflict. I think because my oldest and I have very similar personalities, it's harder for me to enforce certain boundaries because to me, certain quirks in behavior seem normal and unnoticeable to me, but not to Dad. My youngest has a personality just like his Daddy, and it's the same deal between those two.
What ultimately matters is that the kids have a healthy, balanced environment with two loving parents and a secure home, so as long as we all can work together and keep each other balanced out, it's all good. :-)

[specialmom]

I agree it is very typical.  My kids actually listen better to me than to dad.  Dad has a bit of wiggle room, I don't.  I'm the more firm parent that makes them tow the line.  He's fun dad.  I guess that is a little bit what Rockrose is saying made her mad when her husband said the deal about demanding behavior.  For my husband and I, that is the case to be honest.  
That isn't a bad thing in my opinion.  That IS why we have two parents.  I wouldn't want my kids to see him any other way.
I also think the familiarity situation plays a role.  If you usually put them to bed and then  your husband takes a turn----  they will follow the rules because it is a different situation than the norm. They will try to please.

That might be going on with the dad's and doughnuts.  How often is the classroom have dad's in it?  I have to say, we don't get too many father volunteers at our school.  

But this is normal!  And you are doing great sister!  

[RockRose]

Sounds pretty typical to me.  Dads can get such even tempered,  mature behavior out of their kids where moms usually can't get that level of good behavior.  I used to get SO irritated with my husband when he'd say we'll,  you just don't demand the kind of behavior I do,  that's why they don't behave as well for you.

Then one day I happened to be in a kindergarten class during "Dads and Donuts" day - where the dads come for 1/2 hour in the morning - the dad's version of "Moms and Muffins" on Mother's Day.  Well you coulda heard a pin drop in that class!   The kids sat nicely in their chairs,  ate their donuts with good manners,  and introduced their dads like little gentlemen when asked.  Cracks me up.  Nothing at all like Moms and Muffins.  

I think this dynamic is a sign of a healthy functioning two parent family - kids need the calm mature disciplined side of dad,  and the mushy touchy feely side of the mom.  You're doing fine.