Compulsive Lying

[Tega82]

I have an 11 year old daughter who has been lying for at least 5 or 6 years. We first chalked it up to her age and story telling but now that she is 11 it's gone too far. I'm concerned once she gets into the Middle school or High School that her lying will be detrimental to her future.

I am in the middle of an amicable divorce. She is the 2nd of our four children. She has always been an "old sole."

She lies from everything to whether she washed her hair to situations in school. I have seen her do something and then vehemently deny that she even did it. We get into screaming matches and I think she is delusional or that she thinks if she says something enough times, it becomes true!

Her older brother (age 15) is totally disgusted with her and has tried to tell her how kids will react to her but I truly feels she can't help herself. That it is a habit.

She has two younger sisters (ages 9 and 4) and I'm concerned that they will start acting out also.

Any help would be appreciated.
-Tega 82

[RockRose]

Here's a link for you.  Read the reader comments at the bottom of the page - very helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260322277&sr=8-1

[RockRose]

Tega,  it sounds like she's lying to get out of doing stuff,  or to get out of trouble.  Is she also lying to make herself appear more exciting?  Those are two different things.

If she's only lying to escape stuff,  and not making up grandiose tales to make herself seem more likeable,  she just probably needs more room to make decisions.

Make statements like you can wash your hair tonight or tomorrow before school, it's your choice.  Don't get into a questioning argument - did you wash your hair,  you're lying,  why are yuou lying,  etc.  Just you need to wash your hair either tonight or tomorrow before school,  whichever works for you.  

Have you read Love and Logic?  I think this book will help you tremendously in dealing with verbal battles and cutting out the confrontations.