How to help my 3 year old socialize with other kids?

[RTMR]

My daughter has been going to day care since she was 15 months old.  I purposely put her in day care so she can learn how to socialize and play with other kids.  She is almost 3 now and she still likes to do her own thing.  She is not interested to other kids at all.  Her speech has not fully developed yet meaning she cannot put a sentence together although she sings many songs and knows a lot of words. She is not shy at all.  Lately, she seems to show signs of frustration such as throwing a way her book or a toy. She has also has been pushing her brother who is 1 year old around or other kids in school in occasions.  I was wondering if anyone else is experiencing the same with their 3 year old?  Could this be due to her not developing her speech to communicate with other kids? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

[specialmom]

Well, good luck with discovering the right course to take!  Honestly, they do amazing things to help children these days and sometimes it doesn't even take that much to help them get back on track.  My son's sensory symptoms were treated by a specialist called an Occupational Therapist.  She helped with activities to help his nervous system as well as social skills, behavior strategies, and various things related directly to his sensory issues.  So valuable!!  Speech and sensory often go hand in hand.  Also, with that, these same kids also often have a bit of difficulty with fine motor skills so be on the look out for that.  When they have these problems--  speech and fine motor--  it is often related to motor planning which is part of sensory.  This was the issue with my sons speech and issues with writing, using scissors, etc.  His OT did a wonderful job helping him overcome these challenges!

Anyway, I do wish you the very best.  Please feel free to contact me any time as I'm interested how things go for your daughter.  peace and luck

[RTMR]

Dear Friend.  Thank you so much for your email and sharing your experience with me. I am so happy your little boy is doing well and you went above and beyond to help him.  I plan to do the same for my daughter. We have number of appointments with specialists scheduled for her.  We will be meeting with audiologist, speech therapist, and developmental pediatrician.  Although, my husband and I are terrified about what we may find out but we like to get an early start helping her get up to speed with other children. I don't want her to grow up feeling isolated and left out.  

Thanks again.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Oh, you are very wise.  yes, speech can definitely hinder a child when they are working on social skills.  If kids do not understand them, then it makes everything harder.  Also, are you sure her receptive language (taking in what is spoken to her) is on track?  

I have a son that had some minor speech issues but also had social problems.  he turned out to have sensory issues and was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder.  (don't let that scare you----  best thing that ever happened as then I could address exactly what he needed at age 9, he is doing fantastic now).  With sensory integration disorder, social skills often don't come naturally as well as play skills.  I remember having a discussion with the director of my son's preschool and his preschool teacher about this and they told met hat for many kids these skills come naturally.  Well, for my boy they didn't so I had to help him along.

And you may have to help your daughter along.  First, in terms of her speech, have you had her evaluated?  My son actually fell into normal when evaluated by a PHd speech pathologist but just barely.  He had articulation problems.  So, we worked on his ability to make sounds and say words correctly.  There is a cd that I recommend called "SPEECHERCIZE".  It has music and goes through activities for speech in a fun, kid way.  It has them doing exercises with their mouth to strengthen oral muscles, face muscles.  Then it goes into sounds.  It's really great and I did think it helped.  I got mine on ebay but know they have a web site.  

Then for socializing, I did two things.  First, when at home, I played with him like I was a playmate.  I made him share like I was another kid, I made him do what I wanted sometimes rather than he always picks, I would win in games sometimes so he got down winning and losing.  That helped with general social skills.  THEN, I made playing with peers happen.  I got creative.  I went to parks and looked around for kids about his age.  Then we'd go up together and I'd coached him on the words "do you want to play?" or to just start playing with them.  I played along with the two of them.  Kids of that age love moms to interact.  Sure, other moms sit on the benches and watch and think you are super mom for playing----  but it was what I had to do to help him as he went.  I got to observe what he was doing, facilitate actual play, etc.  This was really helpful.  We did this several times a week and we just made friends with strangers everywhere we go.  I viewed every encounter as practice.  The second thing we did was that I identified a couple of kids that he got along with or had some interest in or heck, were just his age and invited them over for a one on one play date.  Mom's often come too at that age, so put on a pot of coffee or tea.  But I stayed active with the kids.  I'd get them going on something right there with me.  I provided a snack.  Etc.  It's really great if a child can come over with out there parent and you can just focus on helping the two kids play together.  

******  But I did just read back at your post and your daughter is not yet three.  You know, this may just improve on its own.  Kids before three do 'parallel" play which means they play beside each other but not really with each other.  This starts to improve around the age she is at so watch for improvement while maybe doing some of the above mentioned things.

But do not be mad at her.  You don't want her to internalize that there is something wrong for her as she is.  It's either her personality and that's what it is and it would be hurtful to make her feel bad about that OR she has difficulty and is doing her best and again, needs support and not to feel like a loser because she isn't pleasing mommy.  Ya know what I mean?  We can really put things in our kids head without meaning to.  I know you are just concerned for her and I had those same concerns.  So just help her along without throwing her books/toys away in a frustrated moment.  

Let me know how it goes, okay?  peace