can babies go through terrible 2's early

[MamaTay]

my daughter will be turning 2 in april and it just seems like she turned into a sour patch kid! shes really mean and fights one minute but after you get at her shes the perfect angel. Is this a part of terrible 2's

[adgal]

I should add...something that has saved both my son and I a lot of frustration is a baby harness.  Not everyone likes them - in fact some people do make very rude comments about them, but for my child they are perfect.  Some little ones are great about walking next to mom and holding her hand.  My child spots something interesting and runs.  So, the harness I use is monkey backpack, and his tail is very long for me to hold onto.  My son has no issue with it at all, in fact he loves it.  He puts it on himself.  He is unrestricted (he screeches if you try to keep him in the stroller which is unfair to him) and can run as much as he likes without getting too far from me.  I bought it at WalMart for $20.00 and it's some of the best money I ever spent.  

[adgal]

I think the short attention span is pretty normal as well.  We do a variety of things, and the weather dictates much of it.  My son loves to be outside, so most days (unless it's very very cold) we are in the yard or at the playground kicking the ball around or just plain running.  He loves to chase me, then have me chase him.  We also go swimming at least once a week at our local community center (look for one with a toddler pool as they keep the water warmer). The library has some great programs (and they are free) - Mother Goose circle, etc.  I like them because they are active storytime, so we don't just sit. My son needs to be moving.  Yesterday we went to Tot Gym Time - he jumped on the trampoline, they have mats, etc.  I guess it depends on your child, but for mine, it's pretty much anything active.  For quiet time, we read every day even though we rarely get through a book at one sitting.  We paint, color, etc. but those activities tend to be for very short times.  There are tonnes of things you can do with them at this age and as much as I enjoyed his infancy, in many ways this age is more fun because he is so active and interested in everything around him.  It really is fun.  Enjoy!

[MamaTay]

thank you for that, I have a question what kind of activities do you do with him? Its hard for me to choose the right ones for her because her attention span is so short.

[adgal]

I couldn't agree more about being empathetic as they learn to express their emotions.  I will give you a bit of a cute story about that.  My son asks for a cookie. It's half an hour before dinner time, so I tell him he can have one after supper.  The meltdown begins..I get right down on his level and say, "you still cannot have a cookie, but you can have a hug.." screaming continues for a few seconds, then it's over.  Well, I have done this in every situation for as long as he has had temper tantrums.  2 days ago he again asked for a cookie before dinner and when I said no, instead of a meltdown he stopped, looked at me and said "Mommy, I need a hug"...lol.  Much better then a tantrum I'd say.

[specialmom]

These ladies have given such awesome advice.  I just wanted to say that it is also good to join a mother's group such as MOPS if you live in the US.  Other moms going throught he same thing is so very nice to talk to,  

My trick for not yelling is to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth.  
good luck and hang in there.  (now might not be the time to tell you that three is harder than two . . .  and four is tough too . . . but FIVE is easy!! ) It all goes very fast----  so remember to enjoy the good parts!  Peace

[nola0805]

The good news is that it sounds like you have a completely normal almost 2 year old on your hand.  It's a wild ride, isn't it?

Adgal gave you lots of good pointers and suggestions.  I would only add that it may help to keep in mind that meltdowns are normal and even necessary for toddlers. The toddler brain is designed to offload negative emotions quickly and intensely - a young child does not have the capacity to process strong emotions like we do - they need to offload it.  So I remind myself, when my son has a tantrum, that he is getting his disappointment and frustration out and he is not trying to be bad or manipulative.  Tantrums are actually a good thing at this age.  My son really is heartbroken when I won't let him play in the fridge - and isn't that a hard lesson to learn - that we can't always get what we want even though we really love it?  So when he throws his tantrum, I find it best to comfort him and empathize with how he feels (but holding a firm limit that he is not allowed to do whatever prompted the tantrum -such as play in the fridge).  Comforting and labeling their feeling while staying clam yourself is how toddlers begin the long and crucial process of emotion regulation (and you wont believe how quickly this stops the crying).  So my advice is to stay calm and firm with your little girl but give her emotional support during those hard times.  

[adgal]

Welcome to the crazy world of life with a toddler.  My son definately hit the terrible 2's early.  I will tell you though, more of it is wonderful then terrible and I am learning to manage the temper tantrums etc. The fun part of it is that you know that all of it is just part of them learning.  They are thinking and developing their own little personalities.  It's awfully hard not to laugh sometimes when they get so mad over something that to us seems so trivial.  

Every child is different, but I can tell you what works with my son.  No matter what his behaviour I make myself stay very calm (I have been known to take a minute or two to take a few deep breathes before addressing a situation).  The minute I raise my voice things just escalate and I find myself in a power struggle with a 2 year old.  So when I say no to something and he starts to screech I will say something like "let mommy know when you are finished, so we can play again" or something of that nature.  If we are in a public place, I tell him that if he keeps behaving that way, we will have to go home.  And then I stick to it if he keeps it up.  I also really try to pick my battles.  I know that he is not going to always do as I ask, so I stick to the things I think are important.  Throwing or doing anything that could hurt is a big one.  He throws a toy, I take the toy.  He hits someone, he goes immediately into time out. Then he has to say he is sorry.  One of my favorite phrases is "so and so is our friend, and that's not how we treat our friends"  That sort of thing.  I just don't sweat the small stuff.  I remind myself that it is part of his job right now to challenge me, and so I remain consistent and calm. We are getting there.  I have heard that 3 is even more challenging, so I consider this practice.

But honestly, 2 really is wonderful.  Language is really taking off, there are so many more things we can do with them for activities, and they are so aware of everything.  It's fascinating to try to see the world through their eyes.  Enjoy it, it will be over before you know it!