Is my 5 year old behavior typical for her age?

[AshleighNKayleigh]

My daughter is very stubborn and defiant. Honestly she disregards any and all direction from me. When I speak to her she completely acts as if I am not even there talking. When I get her attention and tell her not to ignore me she says "I didnt hear you." but then admits to ignoring me. She is determined to do things her way and on her schedule. I wonder if this in normal for her age. I feel like I am dealing with a severely defiant child. Her pre-k teachers say that she does well in school. She did get into trouble once though for not obeying their rules. How can I get her to listen when i speak?
Another concern of mine happened yesterday, she stood outside and urinated down her leg. I cannot fathom why she did that. When I asked her she said her typical answer of "I don't know"
I have recently learned that her fathers siblings (his sister and one of his brothers) do have mental disabilites. That has become a concern in the back of my mind. I am worried that i should have her checked by a physican.
Do I just need to have more patience?
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[AshleighNKayleigh]

Thank you for all your comments. After posting I did read lots of other stories and ended my night last night in peace. I realize she is more typical than I thought. I think the reward system with the beans and coins is a great idea and I will put something simialr into effect. As for consistent punishment I feel I do pretty good on that end, I will work on my patience more and more everyday.
Thank you so much everyone

[specialmom]

I'm also a big fan of positive reinforcement.  Kids hear "do this and do that" all day long and probably say in their heads "Why?  I don't want to."  So, when it comes to my boys, I do things like reward systems.  I have done beans in a jar.  When they do as I ask, they get a bean for the jar.  When they get to a certain number of beans--------  they get to choose an activity of their choice.  It is pretty motivating to my children, to be honest.  I also use coins---------  they get a coin for good deeds or doing something that I ask them.  It goes in their piggy banks and then when the banks are full------- we open them and count the change as a family (good math practice!).  Then, they save a third, give a third to charity and get to spend a third on something they want (sometimes I add a little in).  But that process of counting their money and buying themselves something is very motivating to them.  I'm amazed at what they will do for a nickel.  Rewards charts are also helpful because they lay out what jobs are for a child.  I'd do one and have her work towards doing something special that she wants.

I also let my kids earn things like tv time and video/computer game time.  

I give my kids tons of praise--------- for every little thing.  Once they catch on that it feels good to earn that praise, they just might seek it a little more.

Save extra time for stressful points in the day-------- especially the morning.  An extra 15 minutes is helpful.  

Lots of good advice from the other three folks here.  I think it is something "more" when it affects all things in a child's life and not just behavior at home.  Good luck!

[jdtm]

Your description of your daughter reminds me of our granddaughter (she is also five years old).  I suspect our granddaughter is just tired - exhausted from the stress of school, learning new school work (often teachers push extra hard this time of year to complete the curriculum), probably growing physically, and having to deal with new summer activities and new people.  It is possible that the reason your daughter misbehaves at home is because all of her efforts are being "used" to behave at school.  Often, children get very anxious and grumpy this time of year - maybe that is why summer vacation came to be (actually I know it had to do with the agricultural revolution and the manual work that needed to be done - but I digress).  

If if would relieve your fears to see your family doctor, then do so, but I'm wondering if "R & R" might be the solution.  As for the urinating - if it was a "one time thing", then I would just forget it.  All the best ....

[Sandman2]

   Margypops has a very good point when she says ,"if she does well at school, than its a problem at home."   You said, "She did get into trouble once though for not obeying their rules."  The huge question is what did the pre-k teachers do to prevent her from doing it again?  Figure out what they are doing and you will find things a lot easier.
   By the way, you get her to listen to you by making sure that there is an immediate consequence (timeout), if she ignores you.  I think that she has learned that ignoring you lets her get her way (sharp little kid).  I am pretty sure that the pre-k teachers don't let her ignore them.   More patience with a 5 year old is always good, but in this case consistency in how you deal with her is probably more important.
  Finally, if you read through the posts on this forum about other 5-7 year olds, I think you can see that you are not the only one having these problems.  In many ways, your daughter is not that unusual.  Hope this helps?

[margypops]

It may always be a good idea to have more patience and walk in their shoes , its good you think possibly you could be more patient, I always find that it works when you can  allow children to do things their 'way as long as its nothing that will affect her in a negative way , 'on her schedule 'again same applies , give some slack when you can and when you cannot and she is till 'stubborn' use the time out method .If she does well at school then its a problem at home , very often there is a child/parent thing going on that can get fixed with some patience ..Good lauck